I don't really know what to think anymore, other than I do have a problem and after writing down what I figured was off I looked into it and sadly this is one thing that fits, but not perfectly, however I still need to ask.

I was always kind of a smart kid, very active, but never had a lot of friends, but whatever life was fine. It went like this basically till I was 19 at which point I cut off most people but my closest friends and stopped visiting my family intentionally. That was about 5 years ago, it was only about a year ago that things got really odd, I was just anti social before but now I have no idea kind of.

It was about a year ago that I kind of snapped, I woke up one day and went to work and eventually noticed that something wasn't right, it just seemed that there was a barrier between me and the world, my senses were all dulled and nothing was quite right, literally I could punch a wall and all I felt was a tingling in my hand, this went on for three days and then stopped but since then things have still be kind of off.

See I always thought a lot before, it was just something I had always done and I never thought anything of it, but after this holy damn is something off now. I think before the best way to describe it was that my mind was just very quick jumping from thought to thought and it was fine, I couldn't imagine how bored I would have been if I couldn't do that. However now it's so different, I don't even know if I can describe this. If I had to I would call it racing of sorts, there is more thoughts than normal in there now and I can't get a hold of any of them for more than a brief moment, I can't focus on anything, I don't even know how to describe this. However also everything is so much more real now, if that is possible. Sounds, sights, smells, feelings (touch etc) they are just more sensitive now which is kind of driving me insane. It actually feels like I've had a head ache for the last few months now, which is kind of because it's getting worse. Not to mention apparently I'm rather emotionless now, I can still crack a smile or laugh at something funny but my range of emotion has just pretty much gone from everything to smile/nothing, I just can't pretend to care about most things these days.

Now like I said there were other things to explain this all, however one possible problem was my father. He was a religious man and when my parents divorced I never saw him again, however my mother calls him a liar. He made up stories all the time, said he stood over a city and watched it destroyed in a nuclear war, then started stockpiling guns and such, my mom thought he was insane, which may have actually been true, he fits the criteria for schizophrenia so well, yet that makes me much more likely to have it rather than any other problem that I could not even name.

There was also one other thing that pretty much made me make this post to ask. I don't so much see things as imagine them in my head and then switch back to reality, yet it was so damn real. It was stupid things before, things such as a car accident and all aspects of that. Now though it's worse, it's violent and kind of weird, yet while I know it's in my head it's so damn real. Not to mention why would I even think up these things?

I don't know, I'm bored now and should go, hopefully you guys can give me insight or something. I should see a doctor but I don't like talking to people really. Not to mention I don't want to proof read this because I know I messed up in there, not being able to focus is killing my spelling and grammar I think.

Anyway, thanks.