I am 16 years old. I am not on any sort of drug or alcoholic substance.
At about 12 years old i always felt sick. I always had stomach aches and migrains and my concentration was depleting. that lasted a few months and then i became severly depressed. I started to notice people around me and i always felt like they're staring at me and whispering about me.
That "awareness" has gotten worse and now it is all i hear and see. I am always thinking about how people are trying to hurt me, even though they dont know me. i keep to myself completely and i do not have any friends anymore. I used to be popular and happy and skinny-and now im heavier and solitary and miserable.
I am paranoid about everything. I cannot sleep at night because i feel like there is someone watching me. i have racing thoughts all the time- it is never quiet, even when im in an empty room.
These past 2 years...
-i say things without even thinking about it. it can be something totally random, like an answer to a question someone asked me yesterday
-my skin is always tingling, like bugs in my skin and it does not go away
-i have created people and act as if they are real. i talk to them and i can hear their replies (not audibly... more like sensing what they reply)
-sometimes i feel ecstatic like the world is turning my way, like nothing can go wrong
-sometimes i feel evil. just evil and like a mad genius
-most of the time i feel empty, but more like an anvil is sitting in my chest cavity and my head throbs
-sometimes my eye twitches or my hand, involuntarily
-i feel like im a psychic and i can fix everyone's problems, when i always end up making things worse, i blame them, like its their fault things didnt turn out the way i said, like they didnt hear me right or did something else out of spite
-i am almost always short of breath
-i have poor consentration
-my vision is a bit blurry
-my hands or feet have like an internal itch like they want to do something, like when im near someone, my mind is telling them to hit that person, or when i have a piece of paper, my hands want to tear it to bits
-when im walking around school or walking home, i hear people calling my name or whispering it, but i look around and no one is there
-sometimes i see worms or spiders crawling on my face when i look in a mirror, i look away, then back at the mirror, and nothing is there
-sometimes it looks like my face is melting when i look in a mirror
-a few days ago i was lying in bed and my vision went black. I saw an older woman with an axe. she held me down with her knee and then she cut my head off. i couldnt scream but i felt a freezing cold rush to my neck and she dragged me off into a forest of some sorts by my hair. just as she approached the trees, the orange walls of my room faded back into my vision and my neck was ice cold. i had been awake the whole time because i could see the faint glow of my digital clock in the distance the whole time.
please help me because i hate living this way and i miss how i used to be. i would love more than anything in the world just think and feel like a 16 year old girl, not the nightmare that is my life. please help