Dear people,

I have problems, problems for several months regarding my state of mind. For the common man I might exhibit different mannerisms and attitudes concerning my system of reality; nevertheless I am certain that such change of attitude is due to a psychological block. First I have exhibited headaches around the frontal lobes, until I felt emptiness, and also changes in body temperature. I am unable to remember the books I have read; although I do in bursts of mental images (photographic memory); also I am unable to remember in chronological order what my actions were the other day. I am unable to live in the present. I have strong social anxiety (I am afraid to walk outside, though I realize it is unconscious). My stress level has changed its limit of bursts of anger; I hit the walls in my house with my fists or by will I imagine killing persons using different methods of executions. Also I exhibit disorganized thinking, inability, in this mental state, to fully control my thoughts (what I desire to think).

Yes, I feel totally different, and in consequence I think totally different - and not for the better. I realize it but also this does not make me better. I feel highly sad - apathy has been my "partner" for these two-three weeks.

Well I loved to read philosophical, psychological books. Then comes science reviews, literature (any genre, not including romance), theology etc. I did remember many events in my life, and many facts. It was fun for me to read. Also many classmates, teachers, family friends and my psychologist find me to be very intelligent and self-sufficient. However, after some events in my family.... I ended in this state. I have been in such a state some months ago, however I recovered, alone, in a week (without telling anyone).

Though because such a state, and because I have not told anyone, the closest of my teacher has been angry on me for not learning no more. Though he said that I knew more then a student (this being at the age of 16-17). In our country we finish high school at the age of 18-19.

Yesterday I felt as a stranger to myself. It was like I was not I, it was like a stranger was touching my objects.

The books on the shelves are only a reminder now for who I was,and I might be if I return to me.Now I am a stranger to myself;it is like I should stop from touching all,because these are not mine,but mine.





So what do you think about this?