Teen Pregnancy Forum - disagreeing on name and religion

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Q: disagreeing on name and religion

asked by: babyinoct08 on May 20th, 2008

New User

Okay. So heres a little bit of my story. I broke up with my baby's father on February 8th of this year after dating him for 3 years. Everything was good we were both happy without eachother and then I miss my period in March. I think, ok no big deal I've been stressed out lately, we will see what happens. So I dont get my period in the beginning of April and now im starting to worry cuz I start going on the little due date calculators and they are telling me Im like 10 weeks pregnant. Well I have ahd 3 miscarriages. Another reason I didnt test right away after missing my period. So finally April 18th I talk to baby's daddy AKA my ex and he tells me to pick up a test and take it at his house. I take the test and it's positive. Baby's father and I still don't want to get back together. He has been really supportive and has been coming to every doctors appointment and sometimes we hang out. So one day we were looking through baby names and we decide on a name. (for a boy of course cuz hes convinced its a boy) so we agree and then Im like okay and then say the first and middle name along with my last name. Baby's dad didnt like this. So we get in an argument about it and finally I give in. He also wants the baby baptized into his church. These things wouldnt bother me if he would be sole provider but he wont be. Its going to be me. The baby will live in my household and will be under my insurance. Also I go to church frequently, babys dad does not. How can i break it to him that I really want the baby to have my last name and religion without fighting with him about it and making him freak out on me again?? any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Im about to rip my hair out!!

Replies(8)

Mabel

replied on May 20th, 2008

Moderator

Is your religion so different than his? Just because a child is baptized as, say, Catholic - doesn't mean they will live that way. Your child will not burst into flames going to another church with you.

That said, there is nothing more heated than arranging the custody agreements of a child. Since you are the custodial parent, though, you will get the choice as to what name the child has (can you give him/her both last names? that is one option), what church the child attends, etc.

In the states, the father is required to help pay for medical insurance, medical bills, child support etc. How much is he going to be involved on a day to day basis?

babyinoct08

replied on May 21st, 2008

New User

would you want to take your child to a church that you arent a member of and have never attended in your life? my religion is important to me and I have grown up around the people who attend my church. I come from a small close knit town. I would feel uncomfortable taking my child to a church whose religion I dont practice and whose members I dont affiliate with. Im presbyterian my ex is lutheran. Many people have no idea whe presbyterian is but i have grown to love my church and its members. I was asking how to bring up these topics without argument not wheter it was legal.

Mabel

replied on May 21st, 2008

Moderator

I was merely suggesting some give and take. If you have this child together you will have to have some type of arrangement. Maybe you could just tell him what you wrote here - about how important it is to you and to your family that the child be involved in your church, have your last name, etc.

By the way, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being spiritually well rounded. I've been to a lot of different churches and choose to expose my children to many different belief systems - Catholic, Mormon, Baptist, Lutheran. God is God, whatever church you belong to.

babyinoct08

replied on May 21st, 2008

New User

I guess some give and take would be logical.. But one thing I forgot to mention is that my parents absolutly hate my baby's father. So it makes it kind of hard for any type of agreement between us because my parents have been pushing for me to exclude him completely since i told them about my pregnancy. I would agree that it is important to be religiously well rounded but I also agree that it is important to have that close knit "family" where you always feel comfortable. and that is the way my church has been for me growing up and the way I would like it to be for my child. My ex is very stubborn and takes everything offensively so I guess there really is no way to break the news to him without either hurting his feelings or making him mad. But thanks for your input.

Rosie H

replied on May 21st, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

I just wanted to say that this is your child. Your parents will probably try to convince you of what is right. But do what you feel is right. This is your baby and you are responsible for raising him/her not them.

Beleive me I know how much parents want to have their say. Its hard.

babyinoct08

replied on May 21st, 2008

New User

Yeah I dont want to let my parents walk all over me but at the same time its really hard for me to stand up for myself to them because I dont want to hurt their feelings. My ex and I had a really rough relationship and I was always just the girl that would stay and say "things will get better" so naturally when I finally realized things wont get better and I broke up with him my parents were ecstatic. And now theres this. I wouldnt change it for the world dont get me wrong.. But he has a lot to prove with my family and friends. So where I dont want to make him mad or offend him I also dont want to hurt my family. Its really hard.

AyaMiyaki

replied on May 21st, 2008

Especially eHealthy

Don't worry about him. Don't worry about your parents. You're going to be a mother, and this is the beginning step towards becoming a strong role model for your child.

Take your time and decide what you want. What name do YOU want to use? What religion do YOU want your child baptised in? What are YOUR thoughts and feelings about this? And once you've determined that, stick with it. If someone has a problem with that, calmly explain that this is your child and you have to be comfortable making your own decisions regarding him or her. If they have a problem with that, it's their problem.

Don't make big decisions that you don't agree with simply to save someone else's feelings, because it won't stop here. You'll have to develop a thick skin if you hope to become a strong single mother for your child. They need to be able to look up to you and know that when something happens, it's because Mommy says so, not because Mommy was bullied into it by someone else.

It all starts here. You can do this. Good luck.

moldedbymercy88

replied on May 21st, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

AyaMiyaki wrote:

I completely agree.

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