You poor thing. Depression is a terrible thing but you can get over it. It's very hard but you can. You have to be very self-disciplined though at a time when you really don't feel like it. My husband had depression a couple of years ago and he's better now. He wanted to go the natural route without taking anti-depressants or other drugs prescribed by his GP.
Firstly, he went to a hypnotherapist. This was fantastic. She taught him, there's no point in dwelling on the past. There's nothing we can change, so you just pack it away and don't let yourself dwell on it. Obviously, it's not as simple as it sounds, which is why you need to have a proper session to teach you how to do this. Move forward - not backwards. We could all benefit from the animal world. They don't dwell on the past, they don't anticipate the future, animals just live for the moment. Self-pity is a terrible thing. Feeling sorry for yourself is pointless, it makes you feel worse and eventually annoys everyone around you. People don't sympathise for long, they get fed up and end up annoyed with you or avoid you, it's just human nature. Make yourself smile, even if you don't feel happy. The very act of smiling releases endorphins in the brain that boost your mood.
Get some natural anti-depressants. 5-Htp and St Johns Wort are fantastic. 5 HTP raises the serotonin level in the brain (happiness hormones) and make you feel 'brighter'.
Go to a good homoeopath, quite often depression is a symptom of physical imbalances. A homoeopath can tell you what vitamins and minerals you are lacking to put you back in balance.
Make yourself go for a walk everyday, even though you don't want to or can't be bothered. I know it's hard but very important. There's nothing like fresh air to help with depression.
Without wanting to sound 'Cranky', if you like reading, get the Dalai Lama book, 'The art of happiness'. It'll change your whole way of looking at the world and if you follow the advice in it, will become a totally 'new' person.
I hope this advice has been helpful. It will be a long, hard, struggle but you will get there in the end - with determination. Then you can just file it away and get on with the rest of your life.

I agree with a lot of pyrocrafters words, mainly you can not change the past....letting go. I think you should be straight up and honest with your doctor. How is he gonna help you if he has no clue to your behavior. I was diag as clinically depressed over 40 years ago. You would NEVER know to look at me or to talk to me. I now know why I try so hard to make everyone around me smile and laugh, its becuase my inside world is so full of hurt and anger, I learned, you ALWAYS have a choice in life. Turn eveything negative into something positive.... If you have a heart full of hurt and anger you leave no room for love or happiness. You are hurting the ones you love and you could care less. There are certain drugs for depression that take away your feelings. I know this from personal experience. When I was on Effexor, I had NO emotional feelings. I did not laugh, I didn't cry, I didn't CARE....so I weaned myself off of them. I wanted to take back control of my life. Its all about control. You are young, Please don't waste your life and wait until you are my age to figure this out. Talk to your Dr. Tell him you want to function like a normal human again. You want to sleep through the night. you DO NO want the burst of anger and violent behavior. YOu have been through a nasty ordeal, but this could make you a stronger person. My heart goes out to you. You have people here who belive in you...grab life by the cahonas girlfriend and take back control of your life....its up to you now what you do wiht the rest of it. HUGS! F*GM

I agree with a lot of pyrocrafters words, mainly you can not change the past....letting go. I think you should be straight up and honest with your doctor. How is he gonna help you if he has no clue to your behavior. I was diag as clinically depressed over 40 years ago. You would NEVER know to look at me or to talk to me. I now know why I try so hard to make everyone around me smile and laugh, its becuase my inside world is so full of hurt and anger, I learned, you ALWAYS have a choice in life. Turn eveything negative into something positive.... If you have a heart full of hurt and anger you leave no room for love or happiness. You are hurting the ones you love and you could care less. There are certain drugs for depression that take away your feelings. I know this from personal experience. When I was on Effexor, I had NO emotional feelings. I did not laugh, I didn't cry, I didn't CARE....so I weaned myself off of them. I wanted to take back control of my life. Its all about control. You are young, Please don't waste your life and wait until you are my age to figure this out. Talk to your Dr. Tell him you want to function like a normal human again. You want to sleep through the night. you DO NO want the burst of anger and violent behavior. YOu have been through a nasty ordeal, but this could make you a stronger person. My heart goes out to you. You have people here who belive in you...grab life by the cahonas girlfriend and take back control of your life....its up to you now what you do with the rest of it. HUGS! F*GM

Power surge out here in country!

It is good to hear what you both had to say, because that is exactly how I feel. Right now I rather be secluded by myself, then off on outings with people. My boyfriend puts up with a lot, and I know that eventually he wont deal with it any longer. I feel nothing, like you said fairy godmother, emotionless. I am going to the doctor tomorrow to talk to this whole situation, before I end up just getting worse, and losing people whom I care about. I think I am going to write some things down before I go in, just so I have it in front of me, something to help get out what I have to say to the doctor. But I really thank you both for taking the time to write me. For me I find myself at a loss of words when talking to people like my doctor or even my friends and family, and having internet really allows me to express out, and get feedback from people that do not know me, and will not be bias.

There you go, you see. You're already taking that first POSITIVE step towards happiness. Be strong and make sure your doctor understands this is serious, not just a 'down' day. What a lovely supportive boyfriend you have. Hold on to him
Just live each day and don't worry about what tomorrow may bring.
Please keep us informed of your progress.