I stopped going to college last year for various reasons, but ever since then my life has gone completely downhill.

I've always been 'shy' but now it's getting so much worse, I don't want to go outside anymore, well I actually REALLY want to go out more, but when I think about it it makes me feel sick.

I think this all started because I got bullied loads in high school, it really hurt me as I was the quiet girl anyway.

But the weird thing is I'm fine when I talk to some people for the first time, but other times I actually can't speak to people -___- There's something in me that just stops me from making a convo with them.

I feel like they'll judge me, I'll say something wrong, they think I look awful or w/e so I just stop talking all together.

At times I just excuse myself to go to the toilets and just cry because it feels like too much.

I only have a few friends anyway because of this, and making friends is impossible.

I wanted to go back to college last September, but couldn't handle it because of the anxiety I was feeling being in a new class with new people.

I keep crying for no reason, I'm just so negative lately, I can't deal with things anymore.

I'm scared one day it'll feel like too much and I may overdose on pills, I don't want to die exactly, I just don't want to live like this anymore, I know if I did end up killing myself it will break my family apart, I can't do that to them.

I'm only 17, I shouldn't be feeling this way, I see other people my age getting along with life brilliantly, what is wrong with me, why can't I just get along with everything like other people?

Sorry this post is in a mess by the way -____- my head is just all over the place.