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I have suffered with depression since being a child. Mostly down to having an abusive mother (emotionally and then later on physically abusive towards me) who to this day will not admit fully, or take responsability for, her actions and neglect. My father was hardly ever around, and I felt totally alone.
I practically brought my siblings up in my early years and up until my early teens when I then left home and decided to keep an eye out on them as best I could, only to find that my mother turned them against me, by making up her usual stories to get sympathy and remain a victim of life. She has lost countless friends through her lies and tall tales, once they realise what she's really about they leave and are never heard from again. This has meant any decent people in my life as a child, were not around for very long. This made me feel even more lonely and lost.
I now have nothing to do with her anymore, and as my family are largely dysfunctional, only stay in touch with a couple who are trusted.
But, the depression has stayed with me despite my not having anything to do with her anymore. I am sometimes thankful in a perverse sort of a way, as I think back to how bad I felt when I had her in my life, and that is a constant reminder of why it's so much better to keep away. She called me names, slapped me around the face and refused to acknowledge anything I acheived! I was usually ignored, that was my life an every day occurance.
I have a child myself who I love and cherish, and who is my world. I wouldn't put a finger on this wonderful gift I have. A child is that, a gift, someone to protect and nurture, not harm and abuse.
Unfortunately, I have made some terrible choices in life, fuelled by having depression, but I am more aware of situations now and when I see warning signs, I get the hell out!
I doubt I will ever shake of this depression, it's with me for life. But, I do believe it's helped me as an artist. I try so hard to use it, rather than let it use me...
I practically brought my siblings up in my early years and up until my early teens when I then left home and decided to keep an eye out on them as best I could, only to find that my mother turned them against me, by making up her usual stories to get sympathy and remain a victim of life. She has lost countless friends through her lies and tall tales, once they realise what she's really about they leave and are never heard from again. This has meant any decent people in my life as a child, were not around for very long. This made me feel even more lonely and lost.
I now have nothing to do with her anymore, and as my family are largely dysfunctional, only stay in touch with a couple who are trusted.
But, the depression has stayed with me despite my not having anything to do with her anymore. I am sometimes thankful in a perverse sort of a way, as I think back to how bad I felt when I had her in my life, and that is a constant reminder of why it's so much better to keep away. She called me names, slapped me around the face and refused to acknowledge anything I acheived! I was usually ignored, that was my life an every day occurance.
I have a child myself who I love and cherish, and who is my world. I wouldn't put a finger on this wonderful gift I have. A child is that, a gift, someone to protect and nurture, not harm and abuse.
Unfortunately, I have made some terrible choices in life, fuelled by having depression, but I am more aware of situations now and when I see warning signs, I get the hell out!
I doubt I will ever shake of this depression, it's with me for life. But, I do believe it's helped me as an artist. I try so hard to use it, rather than let it use me...
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That's a shame, someone replied snd then deleted their response.
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Seeks Solace, I am sincerely sorry for the way your childhood was, no one deserves that, especially not from ones own mother. Our parents influence our identity more than any other person we meet.
I would say, no longer give your energy to the past, as it cannot predict your future unless you live in it. The greatest gift you have is your child, as you so wisely said; use that bond of love to control your thoughts when you find yourself drifting into depression.
The last sentence of your post is really the secret to life. I for one am here anytime you need someone to talk to. Hope to hear more from you.
I would say, no longer give your energy to the past, as it cannot predict your future unless you live in it. The greatest gift you have is your child, as you so wisely said; use that bond of love to control your thoughts when you find yourself drifting into depression.
The last sentence of your post is really the secret to life. I for one am here anytime you need someone to talk to. Hope to hear more from you.
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Seek_Solace
the first post couldve been deleted because of the laungage they use.
i want to say that i had almost the same childhood. my dad was physically and mentally abusive, and my mom did nothing. this caused nightmares in my early 20's and it effected my whole life. trust me my dad was 10x's worse than your mom. i believe he has mental issues.
this effected my three siblings lives, and in their relationships, and how they parent they kids.
when i got into my late 20's i was able to get over all what happened to me.
i also felt like i will always be depressed my whole life because of it. but i am content and get depressed only a little compared to my pass.
i also stop talking to negative family and friends, and only surround myself with positive people.
your siblings with come around when they see their mother's ways.
it will not always be like this i promise. private message me!
the first post couldve been deleted because of the laungage they use.
i want to say that i had almost the same childhood. my dad was physically and mentally abusive, and my mom did nothing. this caused nightmares in my early 20's and it effected my whole life. trust me my dad was 10x's worse than your mom. i believe he has mental issues.
this effected my three siblings lives, and in their relationships, and how they parent they kids.
when i got into my late 20's i was able to get over all what happened to me.
i also felt like i will always be depressed my whole life because of it. but i am content and get depressed only a little compared to my pass.
i also stop talking to negative family and friends, and only surround myself with positive people.
your siblings with come around when they see their mother's ways.
it will not always be like this i promise. private message me!
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| Elevation wrote: |
| Seeks Solace, I am sincerely sorry for the way your childhood was, no one deserves that, especially not from ones own mother. Our parents influence our identity more than any other person we meet.
I would say, no longer give your energy to the past, as it cannot predict your future unless you live in it. The greatest gift you have is your child, as you so wisely said; use that bond of love to control your thoughts when you find yourself drifting into depression. The last sentence of your post is really the secret to life. I for one am here anytime you need someone to talk to. Hope to hear more from you. |
Elevation, many thanks for your response I appreciate your words very much.
Sometimes it's not so easy to keep the past there, it creeps up behind me, so to speak, on ocassion but I try so very hard not to let it effect my daughter/partner. I don't always succeed. But can identify when I need to take my self somewhere quiet and away from them to sort my head out. I always make sure I tell them I need a few moments alone, I love them, but need a little space. I want them to understand it's me and not them.
Thanks again!
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| ServiceU wrote: |
| Seek_Solace
the first post couldve been deleted because of the laungage they use. i want to say that i had almost the same childhood. my dad was physically and mentally abusive, and my mom did nothing. this caused nightmares in my early 20's and it effected my whole life. trust me my dad was 10x's worse than your mom. i believe he has mental issues. this effected my three siblings lives, and in their relationships, and how they parent they kids. when i got into my late 20's i was able to get over all what happened to me. i also felt like i will always be depressed my whole life because of it. but i am content and get depressed only a little compared to my pass. i also stop talking to negative family and friends, and only surround myself with positive people. your siblings with come around when they see their mother's ways. it will not always be like this i promise. private message me! |
ServiceU, many thanks for sharing your experience, I see you have sent me a message and will take the time to read it properly once I have posted here.
I see my family breaking down on some levels, has worsened over the years and I do keep a distance from some of the more negative amongst them. I need to, is just suffocating! Some I haven't seen for years and feel all the better for it, sounds awful, but that's how I feel.
Thanks again!
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I completly understand you, nobody had great childhood 
But sometimes it's not enough to talk to somebody or seeking loneleness. Maybe you should try find some advice in your problem. One of the best way is to read about it and think about it make up your mind, best way is that you can explain all in your way you want it and not like doctor is saying you to do it his way. sorry for my english i'm from europe. so maybe you can try one book I found on the internet for you guys, looks interresting and it isn't such expansive, will be happy if I will help you
But sometimes it's not enough to talk to somebody or seeking loneleness. Maybe you should try find some advice in your problem. One of the best way is to read about it and think about it make up your mind, best way is that you can explain all in your way you want it and not like doctor is saying you to do it his way. sorry for my english i'm from europe. so maybe you can try one book I found on the internet for you guys, looks interresting and it isn't such expansive, will be happy if I will help you
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| ryprom wrote: | ||
| I completly understand you, nobody had great childhood
But sometimes it's not enough to talk to somebody or seeking loneleness. Maybe you should try find some advice in your problem. One of the best way is to read about it and think about it make up your mind, best way is that you can explain all in your way you want it and not like doctor is saying you to do it his way. sorry for my english i'm from europe. Hi there ryprom, thanks for replying to my thread. I read constantly, I nearly always have my head buried in one book or another. Thanks for the link, I will take a look. Gives me something to think about. 
Thanks!
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