I have suffered with depression since being a child. Mostly down to having an abusive mother (emotionally and then later on physically abusive towards me) who to this day will not admit fully, or take responsability for, her actions and neglect. My father was hardly ever around, and I felt totally alone.

I practically brought my siblings up in my early years and up until my early teens when I then left home and decided to keep an eye out on them as best I could, only to find that my mother turned them against me, by making up her usual stories to get sympathy and remain a victim of life. She has lost countless friends through her lies and tall tales, once they realise what she's really about they leave and are never heard from again. This has meant any decent people in my life as a child, were not around for very long. This made me feel even more lonely and lost.

I now have nothing to do with her anymore, and as my family are largely dysfunctional, only stay in touch with a couple who are trusted.

But, the depression has stayed with me despite my not having anything to do with her anymore. I am sometimes thankful in a perverse sort of a way, as I think back to how bad I felt when I had her in my life, and that is a constant reminder of why it's so much better to keep away. She called me names, slapped me around the face and refused to acknowledge anything I acheived! I was usually ignored, that was my life an every day occurance.

I have a child myself who I love and cherish, and who is my world. I wouldn't put a finger on this wonderful gift I have. A child is that, a gift, someone to protect and nurture, not harm and abuse.

Unfortunately, I have made some terrible choices in life, fuelled by having depression, but I am more aware of situations now and when I see warning signs, I get the hell out!

I doubt I will ever shake of this depression, it's with me for life. But, I do believe it's helped me as an artist. I try so hard to use it, rather than let it use me...