Depression Forum - Depression's taking over

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Q: Depression's taking over

asked by: MyNamesDylan on July 21st, 2008

New User

Before the summer I had tons of friends, literally tons. I have 4000 friends on myspace, which I deleted cause i hated that much. I had friends and people i knew everywhere I went, then i got into drugs. And it took over, teachers noticed, everyone did. I became very cold and waited for the day to end again just so i could go back to another E-friday.
Now ive been clean for about 2 1/2 months, and I managed to do it on my own. But I think im dealing with alot of depression, I wake up at 2 or 3 pm and im so tired and down i dont wanna go anywhere. so basically my whole summer I havent done anything but sit in my room and just feel like my lifes passing me and i cant stop it. I feel horrible and i hate it, I want to do stuff but my bodys emotions take over and i let them. Its so depressing im thinking of starting to do drugs again cause it was the last time i had friends and had fun. I know drugs arent the answer, but literally every things crashing around me. Im not aloud to hangout with my best friends cause there parents found out.
I just feel so cold, and dead, and lost like im not even me anymore. I dont want medication to help me - let alone even go see a doctor. Medication is just another pill to pop, and im done with pills. I dont want them to make me feel better, i want my friends back. I sit here everyday and im crying on the inside and the tears almost come out but i hold them back.
I sound pathetic, i know people have it alot worst.
But, i havent had the best childhood either. My brother and sister were crusta meth users at the age of 13 and 15 - and i was 7. I saw tons of fights and cops coming ot get my brother and sister all the time at 2 or 3 in the morning.
im just scaried, i dont wanna go back to being drugged and i just want everything back to normal.
i hate this so much, you dont even know. I feel like the lifes been sucked out of me and i cant do anything about it. Embarassed

Replies(5)

marvel

replied on July 21st, 2008

Supporter

First of all, I want you to know how much I admire you. Even in the face of all this sadness, you're still managing to stay clean. You know, there is a period after quitting something you're addicted to where you're sad and lonely. It lasts different amounts of time for different people. This could just be your blue time.

Another reason why you're feeling to blue is because of the chemicals in your body. It sounds to me like you were dealing with an addiction to chemical drugs, right? (forgive me if I'm wrong). Even if you weren't, drugs can really mess with the chemical makeup of your brain and they could have caused this.

I know that taking antidepressants for you doesn't sound like a good answer. I think that so many people think that antidepressants 'make' you happy. In my case, anyways, this wasn't true. What antidepressants do is help your body learn how to regain a chemical balance that is good for you. In the process, you learn how to use new, more effective coping methods (instead of drugs, self injury, alcohol etc). It is this learning and reworking of your chemical makeup that makes you happy... not just the pill. It takes a lot of soul searching, but believe me, it's so worth it. It's scary to talk to a doctor about this, but it is so much better than staying in your room being so sad or contemplating returning to your past of drugs. You have all of us here to support you, don't forget!! If you ever want to talk, feel free to Private Message myself or any of eHealths supporters and Moderators!

MyNamesDylan

replied on July 22nd, 2008

New User

marvel wrote:

I was dealing with drugs that mess with all chemicals in your body, Ecstasy. Thanks for the support, i just dont know what to do anymore. I used to be such a strong person and tell people my honest opinion about them. And if someone was being mean to them id be like "ignore that person there just stupid," even if the person making fun of them was my friend. Now im just so tired and unwilling to go anywhere and make new friends. Everyone knows ecstasy messes up chemicals in your body really bad, i just didnt think this would be the outcome from being overly happy. It seems like that overly happy, turned into overly tired and sad...
And taking another pill for depression or anything of that nature just dosent seem like a reasonable answer for me. A drug is a drug, over the counter or not. Every thing throws the chemicals in your body off even if its meant to help..

twilight_mist

replied on July 22nd, 2008

New User

Whatever you do, don't go back to the drugs, they will not do you any good in the long run. And yes, I know how tempting it is to just find something, anything that will lift your mood. ( had ADHD as a child, and was given Ritalin (ritanol), and before the dose was adjusted, I went totally crazy - I even bit my mum (!). This has scared me from ever wanting to try drugs that make you hyper - I know how it is not to be in control, and I will not hesitate to yell at anyone thinking of trying it either. - it's just not worth it. - So don't.

And I agree that the thought of antidepressants is scary, but as marvel said; they are only meant to give your brain the chemicals it would normally be making itself. At first they will (if I haven't misunderstood) simply level your mood, kinda zero it out, so that you have somewhere to start off.

harmony1

replied on July 24th, 2008

Supporter

You're doing a really great job getting off drugs. You seem to realise that it's not doing you any good. Whatever you're dealing with drugs isn't the answer. Whether you have family issues, personal issues or social pressures rest assured that if you continue to take drugs it will mess up your life. You should know first hand what types of probems it can cause by looking at your sister lives.

Try and do it on your own. Break away from the friends as hard as it may be and just startliving your life again. Slowly, slowly things will start working out for you again and you'll feel good about life again.

If you find that you can't do it on your own then perhaps go and talk to a doctor. I know it's hard but it's your life we're talking about. You might need some anti depressents to help you. I didn't though. I just quit and let me tell you this. I will never look back. It feels so good to be the old me again. I know you want that to and there is nothing stopping you from achieving this. Believe in yourself, be strong, say no and you WILL succeed. headstand

TomsMom

replied on July 25th, 2008

New User

to MyNamesDylan

Hello. If you don't want to take prescription drugs for your depression, how about trying something natural? There are many, many sites which speak to and sell formulations for depression made up of vitamins, amino acids and herbs. There are amino acids like tryptophan, taurine, phenylalanine that help boost your neurotransmitters which may have become depleted from the drugs you took. And there are herbs like St. Johns Wort that work very well for many people for depression. It could be that the drugs did mess up your brain chemistry, in which case you shouldn't think you should be able to just "tough it out." Your brain may need help, and there's no reason not to try some of the natural therapies to give your brain that help.

Good luck,
Beverly

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