I haven't had a very easy year. I met a lad who was 19, I was 14 and I was forced into sex. He raped me at the start and gradually, sex became like a chore. I had very inappropriete sexual behaviour for my age. In the middle of July, I discovered I was pregnant. I was about to tell my boyfriend, except when I was about to - news came about that he already has a child - dead, from abortion. I couldn't tell him after I found out that. In fact, I was deeply upset about the fact he lied to me, after all the relationship, I thought was a good one - but it was lie, after lie, after lie..

That whole week, I was getting morning sickness. I was around 6-7 weeks on, and I was so scared about my mum's reaction. Pregnancy was all I talked about with him when we were together.. I suppose it didn't really come as a shock when he dumped me around 2 weeks after I found out about his dead child. He never found out about the pregnancy, until I said to my mum.

I was under a lot of stress, and I wasn't eating and a couple of days later, I had extreme pain and bleeding, and it was confirmed I had a miscarriage.

Police are now involved. They are wanting to charge him for statutory rape and other sexual abuse cases. However, my own welfare now, has just shocked me.

I cry everyday. I wake up, and feel like crap, and exhausted even if I've had a good night's sleep. I cry before I go out, cry when I come home from school and cry at night. Feelings of extreme sadness just gush through my head and if his name is mentioned or I see a picture of my ex, I start shaking uncontrollably, with shortened breath and once I even collapsed because my legs were shaking that badly. It's fear I feel when I'm like that - dread. I try to avoid it, but I can't. I can hide my sadness pretty well, but sometimes I get wound up about things so easily, which I never used to - I always seemed to be so laid back and now I cry about anything that happens and feel like killing myself because nothing's worth anything.

The counselor won't talk to me while police are involved because they don't want to be named as witnesses. So I have no-one to talk to. I don't know if I truly have depression, so I'd feel a bit weird going to the doctor..

I just want this to end. I am so unhappy with my life.