hi onest i know what you mean.a month ago i felt how you feel all day everyday.i'd wake up thinking oh no not another day to face i want to go back to sleep as i dont suffer when i am asleep.i too didnt want to die but didnt want to live as i was suffering and feeling so sad.i felt worthless useless, helpless and hopeless.i started to see a counsellor one a week and by the third session i started to see a teensy ray of light at the end of the tunnel.i am by no means cured or better but i feel 5-10% more positive.i know its not a lot and i still think some days the future is gonna be bleak and whats the point.the difference is that with the counselling there is a bit of hope whereas before there was none.its a long road and will take a lot more counselling before i will feel more positve.i still have all the negative feelings but i do see some hope albeit only a tiny bit and i have decided i wont kill myself i will fight and i will get through it.
i'd recommend you look into counselling.i know you probably think you are beyond help as i felt the same but you have nothing to lose as you cant feel any worse
i'm finding its helping me 2 start and challenge my negativity even though its very slow progress.
if you can look into counselling its not a miracle cure but if it helps even 5% its better than feeling the way you are now.i hope this post helps to show you that you are not the only one who feels the way you feel and there may be some hope.i hope you find some happiness
scaredbezzy xxx