i'm new to the whole forum thing, but I don't know what else to do.
On 2/12/07 I found out there was something wrong with my cervix they didn't know what it was, kept testing, kept trying but it wasn't until 5/27/08 that I found out it was cancer. I recently had a surgery done, about 2 1/2 weeks ago, and my oncologist/obgyn remover a 3rd of my cervix.

I'm losing my mind.
I cant sleep
I have no energy
I have no motivation like I used to
I cry for no reason at random times

i've never felt so low and scared and depressed in my life. At 15 I was dx with chemical and situational depression, with meds and therapy I worked through it, but this is so much worse than that. I am about to be 21 years old and I don't know if I will ever have kids, I don't feel like doing anything I used to, I don't have the eneergy energy, I feel ashamed of myself and I don't know why.

I feel like no ones there no one cares. I feel like no o ne understands. I read all these forums and I just wish there was something someone could say to help me.

Today I found out that they got the pathology report back and they removed all the cancer. I was on top of the world. And then it was like I got hit by a bus. Im stilI'mstressed im stilI'malways worried, I have NEVER been more self conscious. I don't feel like a 'girl" i know it sounds so stupid, but with everything that makes me a woman being messed with it just makes me feel so un feminine, un sexy un attractive and un wanted. I am always so exhausted, getting out of bed is a chore, it takes hours just to actually get up and out of bed, if at all.

Im a nuI'ming student going into my senior year of my bachelors and I don't know if I can go back in the fall. how can I go back to school for something where I am supposed to help people with their medical prolems whproblemsn even help myself.

I am in love with an amazing man and I know he is going to be the one I marry. through all of this he acts like its no big deal, people tell me he is juts trying to be strong for me. we had a really rough month this past month, fought more than ever, almost fell apart. It always me picking up the pieces and now things are starting to get back to us and I can even make love to the man I am in love with because 1. Im so I'mrried about everything down there what if something goes wrong, 2. I am so self consciuo consciousever even feel sexy anymore i jsut donjustnow, i cant handle things right now

i wanna be okay I wanna feel okay, I have to put on a happy face every day because I cant let people see how down I am because somehow everything is always my fault, and even if someone else is doing somethisomethingits my fault and I just cant take it anymore. I put on my happy face every day but its making me worse im I'm tired and down and I don't know what to do. ImI'mitting at a computer at almost 3 in the morning because I cant sleep.


ImI'mick of feeling like this is all myfmy faulteople have said before (without knowing my situation) well the only people who get cervical cancer and hpv are the promiscuous ones...well screw that...I may be almost 21 but I am not your typical colcollegeudent. ImI'mot a partier on a regular basis, I have only slept with 3 people including my current boyfriend one day to be husband, and I am the healthiest eater i know, I work out all the time I take care of myself but i don't feel like i can take care of myself anymore.

i want to feel like being me is enough
I want to feel sexy and wanted
I want to be able to make love to my boyfriend
I want to not feel like this is my fault.
I want to feel like I can take care of myself.
i want to not worry for even a day
I want to feel like I have a normal life

I just want to be happy and I honestly just don't know what to do anymore.