(Sorry for the long post...)
I believe I have had depression for over six years now, starting when I was twelve. The first couple of years were spent in denial and last couple were spent in being far too embarrassed to tell anyone or ask for help. I've seen my GP about it once before and he believed it to be caused by a thyroid issue but I personally think it's more than that. In the last few years, any motivation I had has been slowly deteriorating and now I find I can barely get up and leave the house. I feel like this is completely ridiculous and I shouldn't be feeling this way and that I should just be able to function like everyone else. Everyone has always told me I am very bright and gifted but lately I just can't bring myself to use this. My grades have dropped from honors to mediocre passes. I'm just glad i'm not failing yet. I fear is this depression continues I may not finish high school even though I have under two months to go until graduation. It just feels like i've reached the culmination of my depression and either it will consume me or I will find some way out? Does that make sense? I've made another appointment with my GP to see if I can speak with a psychiatrist on how to deal with this. I just wish depression never found me. I guess I should post a possible reason for my depression so someone can have a better understanding of why I might be feeling this way. When I was very little my dad almost killed my mother in front of me but I stopped it and she managed to get to the police. Both of my parents were and have been drug addicts and I just don't think they should have had a child. Anyways, after that, I lived with my mother for many years, constantly fighting poverty or worrying about where i'm going to live and at the same time working out ways to visit with my father. When I was eleven and twelve my mother got back into hard drugs and began neglecting me in every aspect. I quit going to school in grade seven and was malnourished and just felt hopeless. I somehow managed to move away to live with my father in another province and have been living with him ever since. He's a very callous person and I can still never be sure whether or not he is still using drugs as I have a very hard time trusting either of my parents. He drinks almost all the time and I can't stand it but he won't stop because he says it's the only way he stays sane which just makes me feel awful because what could be causing him so much trouble? There is only me? They should have never have had a child if they didn't want the responsiblity. I've just been too responsible for myself for too long. I've never really thought or behaved like a child because I never felt like I could and it seems i've only let my parents get away with acting like children. All of this has weighed me down so much that I can concentrate on anything I find important and things are becoming very unreal to me. If that makes sense? This post is already way too long, so I guess if you wish to hear more then just ask? I'm not sure anyone on this forum will really care to read this whole post but I guess it's just helping me to vent. Thanks to those who do read it.