Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum - depressing relationship what to do?

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Q: depressing relationship what to do?

asked by: jessica1985 on August 28th, 2009

New User

hi this is about my relationship i am in, i'm 24 years old with two children by this 28 year old guy, ive been with him for 8 years, i think i need help i cant get away, hes so mean puts me down all the time telling me he could do better and i don't deserve him i'm trash and dirty anoying everything rude i get told by him, im trying so hard and everything hes says isnt true but im starting to have questions whether what he says is true, he is so sweet half the time other time he acts crazy we can be laying down smiling happy then he will all a sudden get up argue then leave out for the night when i cry it gets worse he doesnt stop, he always says if i do this or that hes moving out when his phone rings tells me to shut up and not talk or...
i cant see his cell phone I cant question him where he has been after disappearing for days,all this that i go through i cant seem to let him go when he threatens me that he moved out my heart stops why am i so crazy over him i dnt get it, hes the only guy ive been with for these 8 yrs, but yet he did cheat over and over and i cant stop making myself believe he didnt, its me he loves, he has another child he seems to love more then my kids and he can never tell me when he sees him its like a big secret. i have never spent time with his family, he hides them from me his parents dont live in this country but when they are down they doesnt seem to care about these kids, please help how could i let him go?? its not that easy to just get up and say bye

Replies(2)

ServiceU

replied on August 28th, 2009

Supporter

he's doing a number on you with the mental abuse. i dealt with this the majority of my life. with my ex of five years i wasnt strong enough to leave him while i was still in love with him eventhough he treated me like a dog.
i left him after i fell out of love with him, but i lost so much i dont even want to talk about.
you have to get your thoughts together, make up your mind to leave him. plan your escape! i dont know if you live with him, or he lives with you. but you have to figure out what you can do since you have two kids.
it's not good for your children seeing their dad disrespect you.
he also could give you an std, dont let that be the reason why you leave. plot and plan now.
it's going to be a while for you do repair the damage of his mental abuse. you dont deserve anyone to treat you like that.

mikko

replied on September 1st, 2009

New User

This is quite bad because he is treating you badly. I feel for you! Make sure that when you are ready to leave him, that you get a plan organized. At some point you should fall out of love with him and then it will be easy. The reason he fights with you before leaving you for a few days is because he needs an excuse to get out of there. He throws the 'guilt' on you like that. He's doing it on purpose and he justifies this behavior. It's NOT okay and it's really difficult to change a man once he has acquired nasty habits like this. He might not be the most honest person either in the long run. You are really working too hard by dealing with his dishonesty. If he tries to tell you he can do better, the truth is he knows YOU can do better! He might also be justifying being with another woman, which is really just spineless. You REALLY should think about dropping this man and don't ever take him back. In the long run, you will be better off! Seek counseling! You will need it because he's really good at mind games. Good luck and you deserve to be happy, safe and loved!

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