Sorry if this sounds like a rant. I guess this might be my way of venting some steam. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Over the past 2 months i have been feeling really depressed and alone. I have probably dated 7 girls since january 1. The last girl that i dated she was a very cute blond girl and well i ended up falling for her too quickly and i scared her off. Which i generally take my time and get to know the person for a few weeks before we go out on a date. But anyways, This girl is in my college history class tuesdays and thursdays. Whenever the teacher tells the class that he has unlocked a test, this is the only time that she wants to speak to me to try to get me to give her answers to the test when i take it. Knowing this i pretty much just ignore her and walk away, but she does little things to try to intentionally make me angry which generally does work. but i try to do my best to not show it at the time. But i will feel angry then i will think about her and i quickly feel depressed. which is kind of weird. I have deleted her number and put her profile on facebook on hidden.
Anyways My second semester in school i only dated one girl and we were in a relationship for about 3 months then her boyfriend of two years wanted to get back with her and she ended up taking him back. I was kind of crushed by it but i got over it. Then the third semester a girl in my english class started talking to me and we ended up swapping phone numbers and next thing i know she is calling me up every night and text messaging me so we went out on a date and after the first date about two days later she asked me if we could be in a relationship which i said yes, because i was tired of being alone and i wanted someone that could be there for me and i could be there for them. But over the past 3 months that we were together we barely saw each other and she barely talked to me when we were at school because of her busy schedule so we ended up calling it off.
Here is alittle history about myself,I am a very introverted person. I was inside for most of my childhood and in for most of my high school career I mostly played computer games all day and didn't go out or conversed with alot of people which is hindering my social abilities. I didn't have a whole lot of friends growing up. My parents were not really there for me growing up. they were there physically but not emotionally.
In August of 08 i started my first semester of Community college. i was 22 at the time am now i am 24. I still live at home with my parents which i know is holding me back from alot of things. But i was hoping to pay off my car two years in advance so i wouldn't have to worry about a car not. School has become my number one priority. i spend all my weekddays atschool doing homework and socializing and i work on the weekend.
Last month i was feeling very down and depressed and and lonely, i even had a few people that i study with, comment to me that i seem really down and sad alot of the time. When i am at school and i am talking with people i don't feel quite as lonely. But when i am by myself i feel depressed and bored and lonely. I am currently seeing a psychiatrist For ADHD and he has prescribed Vyvance which seems to help with my concentration problems. But it just seems like i am feeling more depressed.
Last month i was in an automobile accident totalling out my car, It was a hit and run, Luckily two eye witnesses chased down the person that hit me and reported his license plate to the police. Thanks to them they found the suspect and arrested him. It turns out he was a drunk driver. But they didn't issue him a DWI because of a technicality. But After they arrested him they put him in jail and put him infront of a judge the next morning. The eye witnesses gave there statements which helped with pressing charges. Since the accident I have been on pain killers and muscle relaxers from the whiplash. And I have been battling with the insurrance companyies for a few weeks. I have been out of work for the past few weeks due to back and neck injuries, it also caused me to miss some school, and i am now having to take phsyical therapy for 4 to 6 weeks. Because of this guy. I do have my lawyer involved with my case.
This semester i have had to drop two of my classes for personal reasons and because of the auto accident.
Growing up i was not a very social person but i can tell that i have been breaking out of my shell more over the last few semesters at school. But there are times that i am very shy and i don't really feel like talking. Most of the time i am not very social at work which does hinder me because i am a waiter at a very up scale seafood restuarant in conroe texas. I don't really talk to my tables very much which has hindered me from making more than average tips.
I am not by anymeans bad looking i am told that i am very cute and handsome by alot of people, and alot of girls tell me that i am good looking but i just don't see myself in that light.
Sorry if this was long winded but i felt like getting some of this off my chest. Any recommendations for feeling alittle less depressed would be great.
Typing things out does help with releasing some pent up emotions from time to time. I have a personal blog where I basically spew everything I''m feeling into and it just helps to get it out. Don''t be sorry for anything! It''s completely reasonable to want to get things off your chest. I know it''s really hard to start seeing yourself in a positive light but you have to try really hard. Like, really reaaaalllly hard. Try to stop putting yourself down, even in your head. Break the habit of apologising for everything or talking yourself down in front of people.
I''m actually not really sure how to help you so much. The recommendations I''m giving you are things I try to do but sometimes it''s impossible for me.
You should realise that you aren''t some kind of freak for being introverted, there''s nothing wrong with being shy. You just have to wait/find the right people who are willing to truly know you. I know a lot of people who are extroverted that have loads of friends but none of them are real friends, they''re just there bc they have no one else. Find people you WANT to be with. Try exercising more and get some sun!
I''m sorry if I didn''t help but I hope you get better.