I am an 18 year old male and I think I might be depressed.

I seem to make excuses not to go out to social events. Tonight for instance was a party at a club for one of my friends birthday. I worked that night but I could still make it with another friend from work. For the first couple hours of work and we were getting pumped up to go party. But a few hours before I started to feel weird. I told my friend I felt kind of sick but I'd drive him there so he didn't have to spend more money than he to (we're college kids). But I'm not convinced that I was getting sick. Then I blamed it on the fact that I need to write an essay tomorrow and I don't want to be hungover.

These social conflicts happen all the time in my head. I know that if I go I'll be glad I did but I just can't bring myself to. I end up going home, like tonight, and feeling like crap. I've also never had a girlfriend, my social graces to meeting new people feel out of place and awkward. I suppose being an overweight child until dropping a lot of weight recently really stunted my social abilities. My main group of friends I hang out with I have known since elementary school, but there is no chance of me bringing this subject up.

I also think I have a bigger "mask" than most. There are days when I feel like I'm wasting my time. All I really want to do with my life is make people smile: I'm studying writing at college with hopes of being a humor writer and possibly write some movies or TV shows. But every once in awhile I feel as if it will never work, I'm not funny. English was my worst subject in high school, but I just want to do it. People seem to have this natural ability to make anyone laugh and I don't have it.

The fact of telling someone else this that isn't anonymously on the internet will never happen. I don't have the confidence that whoever I tell won't view me differently because of it. And the one thing I don't want to happen is be known as the mopey, depressed guy.