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Depressed over ex-girlfriend

I my ex-girlfriend broke up with me about two years ago since that I have been really depressed and havent found a way to get through it. I cant to get out of this rut. The first week she had dump me I said to myself I dont need her they are plenty of girls out thier. I started to date other girls but soon found out that I was missing my girl Daisy. I tried enjoying myself with other girls but found myself comparing them to Daisy. After that I got depererate and tried to get her back but she had already made up her mind not to be with me and be single. Soon after I had found out from her friends thats she was already seeing her ex-boyfriend. I kinda had an idea that she was she was seeing him. At this point I thought I can use my friends right about now. The bad thing was that Daisy also was friends with the guys I would hang out with. After our break up she would hang out with all the group of friends that I would hang out with so it kinda gave me no place to go. I dont really hang out with my friends for that reason. After feeling abonded by all my friends I turned to drugs and alcohol and managed to get a dui. I guess is that I have been unhappy all this time and I wonder if I should try to get her back even though she is with her ex and doesnt really want to speak to me. Should I attempt. I cant seem to forget her. What I mean to attempt to get her back is to show her that I can do better and offer an awsome life with me.
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First Helper _woodman_
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replied March 28th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
Dear fontz831,

Depressed over your ex for a short term is okay it's natural as you've being spending time with her, caring for her etc but if it shall go on for a long period of time like as you said 2 years I don't think it's healthy and what's more to drugs and alcohol.
Have you tried doing other things like channeling your feeling, anger, boredom etc towards healthy things like sports or other recreations? As you said that she and your friends are friends why not just go out with your friends and meet her with her boyfriend and let yourself 'fight' the feeling for her, to become neutral - as friends I mean. You've already taken the first step by coming here the next step is to let go the feelings inside don't bottle it up. Good luck -Hart74
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replied May 22nd, 2010
I AM IN AN IDENTICAL SITUATION. my ex girlfriend broke up with me like 2 years ago also and i started getting really depressed because i knew there was no girl that could compare to her and much less like me as much as she did. So i turned to drugs and alcohol and now i just got a dui like 2 months ago and i dont know where to go in my life. Ever since she left me, i have had no direction in my life.
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replied May 24th, 2010
Supporter
I am going to be blunt, I think you both are suffering from obsessive behavior. Losing someone you care about is hard, you will always have fond memories, but to allow yourselves to self destruct is not normal. You both seem to be very depressed and really need to seek help, see a psychologist, explain all that is going on, they will be able to help you move on. Teach you ways to cope. It you both truly loved your girlfriends as hard as it is to let them go you should be happy that she is happy. True love is the ability to want the best for your partner. I lost my daughter less than 2 years ago. It was devestating but I have not allowed myself to be swallowed up by self pity. Alchohol is a depressent, it will only exasperate your sadness. I know you want to numb you pain but that is clearly not the way to do it. Both of you need counseling, someone that can teach you ways to cope, an realize what you are feeling is more of an obsession than love.
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replied July 7th, 2010
the same
I have been depressed for five years over a breakup which ended badly. I feel suicidal and cant cope anymore
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replied July 12th, 2010
I'm with Graham2109, i feel suicidal and i'm struggling to cope. I will never feel the same way about anyone like i did her.
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replied July 20th, 2010
My ex was my first love, i lost her due to me drinking one night.. I have not drank since, It's been 1 year since the break-up and I can't get her out of my head, I think of her everynight. She left me for one of my so-called-friends and I tried to win her back but she hates, ignores, and avoids me. I can't get past this girl and I feel like we all need some real good advice! Please someone Help US!
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replied November 3rd, 2011
im in a very similar situation, and to be blunt, you will always have relapses and tired thoughts of your ex. i can only talk about my own issues, and i feel, after suicidal thorts, councelling, hospital stays and self distruct phases, that you have to view your situation from other perspectives... i know its hard, honestly.
my ex was a model, the it girl, but more importantly my best friend. we were engaged and out of the blue she left me. i tried everything to win her back, but she went back to her ex (after a 6 year living together, pregnancy and engagement relationship with me!) and i hit rock bottom. my familly and me escaping pulled me thru. i stayed single, tried to have fun, put all my energys into work. i saved and saved, worked overtime for a distraction, still torn apart, and decided with the money i had saved to set up a bar in abroad in the sun. still with my head in pieces, but enjoying times in a new place making new friends, i befriended a new girl. we got close but i was always hesitant, didnt want to open up, protected myself from getting hurt again and convinced myself she wasnt like my ex. after a year i realised, thru all the new girls patients with me being distant,she was perfect, understanding, beautiful and i believed i was in love with her. like i did with my ex i began to give her the world, go over the odds and put her before anyone, including myself. we returned back home to the uk, and within 2 weeks she had left me... for her ex. i relapsed, was worse than ever, i went missing, a police hunt for me, everyone worried, i just wanted her back, i wanted to understand why this was happening again. i lost everything, again. i tried to overdose, i was found just in time, but my mind body and soul had given up.
above all, it was confusion that got to me most. i went from every emotion possible, accept for acceptance. i saw what i had done to the most important people in the world, my familly, my friends. they made me see that love is not an obbsession. they were worried sick about me, but let me travel, even tho they wanted me to stay, they did everything possible, including letting me go (from home), thats what love is.
now im in a situation, im back home, with the people who mean more than anything to me, familly. i have a new partner, i know i dont love her. shes not my ex and i barely find her attractive anymore, but i know shes in "love" with me. im a coward because i cant bare to upset her.
the point im making is this. love, relationships, heartbreaks, decisions, confusions and death are all part of life, we need to tuffen up. life isnt fair. it sounds harsh, but from what ive read people appear to be looking for a cure.. there isnt on. things get easier with time, you learn from mistakes, but if like me you cant get over things, thats because they really meant something to you.. be proud of the time you spent with them, be happy to have your good memories, and concentrate on making new ones. i look back at my dark times and treat them like a tragic death. i lost my best friend 6 months ago and nothing i can do will bring him back, the same stands for my ex relationships. we have to accept, we have to move on, thats life.

sorry if that came accross harsh, but its the truth, talk to people and you will realise we are not alone
promise

chins up, we will all plod thru together
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replied November 3rd, 2011
im in a very similar situation, and to be blunt, you will always have relapses and tired thoughts of your ex. i can only talk about my own issues, and i feel, after suicidal thorts, councelling, hospital stays and self distruct phases, that you have to view your situation from other perspectives... i know its hard, honestly.
my ex was a model, the it girl, but more importantly my best friend. we were engaged and out of the blue she left me. i tried everything to win her back, but she went back to her ex (after a 6 year living together, pregnancy and engagement relationship with me!) and i hit rock bottom. my familly and me escaping pulled me thru. i stayed single, tried to have fun, put all my energys into work. i saved and saved, worked overtime for a distraction, still torn apart, and decided with the money i had saved to set up a bar in abroad in the sun. still with my head in pieces, but enjoying times in a new place making new friends, i befriended a new girl. we got close but i was always hesitant, didnt want to open up, protected myself from getting hurt again and convinced myself she wasnt like my ex. after a year i realised, thru all the new girls patients with me being distant,she was perfect, understanding, beautiful and i believed i was in love with her. like i did with my ex i began to give her the world, go over the odds and put her before anyone, including myself. we returned back home to the uk, and within 2 weeks she had left me... for her ex. i relapsed, was worse than ever, i went missing, a police hunt for me, everyone worried, i just wanted her back, i wanted to understand why this was happening again. i lost everything, again. i tried to overdose, i was found just in time, but my mind body and soul had given up.
above all, it was confusion that got to me most. i went from every emotion possible, accept for acceptance. i saw what i had done to the most important people in the world, my familly, my friends. they made me see that love is not an obbsession. they were worried sick about me, but let me travel, even tho they wanted me to stay, they did everything possible, including letting me go (from home), thats what love is.
now im in a situation, im back home, with the people who mean more than anything to me, familly. i have a new partner, i know i dont love her. shes not my ex and i barely find her attractive anymore, but i know shes in "love" with me. im a coward because i cant bare to upset her.
the point im making is this. love, relationships, heartbreaks, decisions, confusions and death are all part of life, we need to tuffen up. life isnt fair. it sounds harsh, but from what ive read people appear to be looking for a cure.. there isnt on. things get easier with time, you learn from mistakes, but if like me you cant get over things, thats because they really meant something to you.. be proud of the time you spent with them, be happy to have your good memories, and concentrate on making new ones. i look back at my dark times and treat them like a tragic death. i lost my best friend 6 months ago and nothing i can do will bring him back, the same stands for my ex relationships. we have to accept, we have to move on, thats life.

sorry if that came accross harsh, but its the truth, talk to people and you will realise we are not alone
promise

chins up, we will all plod thru together
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replied May 22nd, 2012
Ive been in the same situation bud. DUI and all. All i can say is make yourself move on. Keep hanging out with your friends and dont push them away because of her. The one thing that would make her want you back more than anything is seeing you succesful and happy. Hey, If its meant to be then it will happen. But dont let one person cause you to run your life into the ground. If she seens an alcohol and drug abuser thats going nowhere then your odds are alot lower than a happy succesful guy thats going places in life. And also try dating other girls and not comparing them to anyone. You could find that some new girl you meet is even better. It may seem impossible in your eyes bc it did to me too with my ex, but nothing is impossible.
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replied May 22nd, 2012
Ive been in the same situation bud. DUI and all. All i can say is make yourself move on. Keep hanging out with your friends and dont push them away because of her. The one thing that would make her want you back more than anything is seeing you succesful and happy. Hey, If its meant to be then it will happen. But dont let one person cause you to run your life into the ground. If she seens an alcohol and drug abuser thats going nowhere then your odds are alot lower than a happy succesful guy thats going places in life. And also try dating other girls and not comparing them to anyone. You could find that some new girl you meet is even better. It may seem impossible in your eyes bc it did to me too with my ex, but nothing is impossible.
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replied February 26th, 2013
Help?! I waswith this girl for half a year and she's my first love. I used to be such a looney bugger before we started dating but now she broke up with me, blocking me in all social networking sites also. I'm scared of her getting with another guy? I'm not over this girl. To see her with another guy would kill me inside and there are literally no other girls in my life. We got together and I deleted every girl on social networking sites. Because I wanted to show her that I was loyal and committed and to show her that I won't flirt with other girls, so she had nothing to be worried or paranoid about, but most of her friends were guys so I had to deal with that. We've shared so many memories and we were both so sure we'd be the one for each other. She's broken up with me now and I can't get over her? I don't want to get over this girl. I have no way of talking to her. I'm just left in my bedroom sitting on my phone checking to see if she has unblocked me every 5 minutes and it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart also that I know she's talking to other guys. Someone help? I can't bear the heartache Sad
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replied June 7th, 2013
When will this get easier?? Probably never?
I understand! My fianc broke up with me 3 years ago! I thought I was finally getting over her, but then I saw some pictures of her recently on Facebook. She looks so pretty and happy. I feel so sorry for myself because I had it good and I blew it with my drinking and bad behavior. I'm sober more than a year now. Guys, stay away from the booze! It will destroy your relationships faster than anything, guaranteed. I want so badly to reach out to her and tell her how sorry I am for all I put her through, but she made it clear that she never wants me to contact her again. It's as if she has been able to totally erase me from her mind and heart. And I dare not contact her out of fear she'll just block me on FB. I don't know what the answer is. I'm depressed and wish I were dead every day. The only thing that stops me from killing myself is the love of my parents and siblings. If not for them I would be dead right now. I went to counseling for awhile and started on medication. I even dated other women but none of this has helped. I'm still in love with the one who hates my guts!
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replied June 16th, 2013
I am glad i found this thread because I too feel the same way. I'm 26
And my ex girlfriend who is also the mother of my child broke up with me 3 1/2
Years ago. She's moved on and had several non serious relationships but i still find it impossible to move on. I think about her constantly. It's even harder because i have to keep in contact with her because of our daughter. I tried being her friend because I wanted to be there for her and I was for a while. I did everything for her as her friend and was supportive of her accomplishments and was always there when she needed. I even cosigned for her to get a new car which is stupid i know. Love makes u do stupid stuff. She's still in love with a guy that never took her seriously or made their relationship official. He would sleep with other women including his baby mama but after 3 years she still loves him. She currently met some very rich guy that buys her everything and takes her everywhere. She is trying
To move on because she still has feelings for the other guy. I ended our friendship cause all of this was too much to bear. I've beem depressed for a very long time and it's affecting me badly and it makes me a bad father because my daughter notices. Shes 6 and i'm tired of telling her i'm sick. Me and her mom were together for almost four years. I was faithful but was inconsiderate, selfish, mean, too senstive, jealous and so on so she left
Me. It hurts really bad and i can't stop thinking about her. It makes me sad she's in love with a jerk. Sad
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replied June 21st, 2013
I know exactly what you mean, johnnyboy920. After being with someone for 4 years, you get used to having her around, and then suddenly she is no longer there for you when you really need her. I can imagine how difficult that must be for you. I commend you for recognizing your part in the demise of your relationship. I sincerely hope you meet someone who will truly care for you and be there when you need her.

I did a lot of good things for my ex (we were together for only 8 months) and her children (not my children). I spent a lot of my money, time, and energy into making their lives better. I gave them rides since she couldn't have a license. I took them shopping. I paid the bills. I took them to the ER when they were sick. I made improvements around the house, fixed things that were broken, etc. Do you think my ex appreciates this? She sure doesn't seem to.

Early in the relationship we decided to get married because we thought we both had a real connection and mutual understanding. We began making wedding plans, putting down a deposit on a park. I bought her a beautiful engagement ring. When she gave me back the ring, I knew it was over. The next day she told me to pack my stuff and leave.

I was never physically abusive, never laid a finger on any of them. I did say some pretty nasty things however. I was intoxicated most of the time. I never cheated on her either. She filed a restraining order against me (which I contested and it was dropped) at work! This made life difficult because we worked at the same jobsite! She tried to get me fired, but it backfired because I was one of their best employees and they didn't want to lose me. I decided to leave anyway, and start over in a new city.

I did actually contact her on FB and apologize for everything I had done, I just went for it. I also sent her some pictures I had of her and her youngest daughter that I had on my phone and PC. I asked if we could have a correspondence over FB and just chat once in awhile. Her reply: "the point is you are who you are, and I never wish to see or hear from you again." I sent one last message telling her I understand, I don't blame her a bit, and she will never see or hear from me again, and I left it at that. Now I feel like I can move on because this was the third time I had tried to open a dialogue with her to see if we could remain friends. I really tried, but she just ain't havin' it.

I was wondering if you apologized to your ex for the things you did that led to the breakdown of your relationship? And what happened when you did that?
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replied August 15th, 2013
Ex, PTSD, Bi-polar, Co-dependant
My ex broke up with me in April, she has PTSD and now maybe some BI-Polar she is also co-dependant. She lost her previous husband to suicide also leaving behind a 1yr old daughter that I stepped into the role as the girls daddy and it's been three years sense. My ex told me she needed to be single because she was in love with me and her deceased husband still, I understood and stood by her side as we still lived together, slept together etc through June. Guys were lining up for her as soon as word spread we were on a break. Daily she would tell me she wanted her feelings to be for me etc etc. Long story short I decided it was time for me to move out and give her some more space to miss me which she thought would help as well. A week and a half later she was in a relationship with another guy! She continues to keep me close though. And I am still the daddy to her daughter because I am the only man the little girl knows and she has my heart. But mom is playing head games and reality is she has a new boyfriend he hasnt seen the side of her I have so good luck pal. But my heart needs to heel and I need to move on and be the best dad I can and hopefully she will stop as she is to scared to address feelings and emotion
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replied September 22nd, 2013
similar situation. its been two years and my love for her is just the same, if not stronger. I know how you feel. it hurts, its devastating, and it slowly kills you. Its worst when she recently send mixed messages, no straightforward answers, and tells me she might maybe return or maybe not, "I don't know, "not sure". And then ignores me. I'm dying inside and suicide seems to be the only choice to relieve the pain.
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replied November 8th, 2013
It takes time to revover after a broken heart. It's different for everyone, but I'm sure it will pass. Time is a great healer, sometimes it justs takes him longer to act. Good luck! I'm sure if you meet a great girl, you'll recover in no time!
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