Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

Depressed over break-up

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of six months and I'm really depressed and struggling to move on. I am normally a very grounded and sensible person and I simply cannot understand why this is affecting me so badly. I don't feel like eating or sleeping and it has been a month now and the relationship wasn't even that long! I feel like I am losing it.

Admittedly I loved him more than anyone else I have been out with and we had discussed marriage and children, but normally I move on quite easily from relationships - this is not like me at all. It doesn't help that I feel I can't get any closure, as the break up was messy. Basically one minute everything was fine and then he started being horrible to me and ignoring me, so I broke it off, thinking it was the right thing to do. He turned round and said that he hadn't wanted to break up and it was all my fault because I'd ended it (even though I hadn't wanted to - he initiated the break-up)and that it was over and he never wanted to see me again. I really love him and this really upset me.

Prior to all this everything had been fine with our relationship, so I can't understand what went wrong. I keep blaming myself, thinking I must be a really awful person for someone to just stop loving me like that. He seems to have just moved on without giving me a second thought.I'm really depressed and crying a lot and can't seem to draw a line under this and get any closure. My ex won't even talk to me. Like I said, I can't understand why I am so upset, as I don't normally get this stressed over relationships. Any advice would be appreciated.
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper kcangel1
|

replied February 11th, 2010
It sounds to me a classic case of a manipulative man. Having dealt with a VERY similar, terrible break up, I know how you feel. I got over him by finding myself, trying new things and spending a good amount of time thinking about what I want and what I deserve. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, and as you said, he wasn't, so you ended it. That IS the right thing to do, you have nothing to blame yourself for. You only feeling responsible because he wants you to, he wants you to blame yourself so that he looks like the "good guy". Believe me, I thought my then-boyfriend was "different" than all the other guys, but they're all the same. It took me 6 months but I am currently in a new relationship and happier than I've ever been.

Good luck to you, keep your head up, and ALWAYS look out for number 1...YOU!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 11th, 2010
Smile yeah I know what you are going through, been there too...but the thing is, what kind of closer do you need? You broke up with him? so if you broke it up, then I think he would need more closer than you, but it is the other way around. He isn't talking to you because you broke up with him, and so he is pissed off, if you want him to talk about what happened then give him some time.

Why did you just break it up? and why was he ignoring you like that? ARe you full of regret? Do you want to be back with him? Is this guy really worth it? Ask yourself this, you know...Sometimes love isn't enough, trust me, you have to ask yourself "is this guy really good for me?" And if you find yourself already done with him, just let go...it will take you some time, there is not a shortcut, but I suggest you go out with your friends, visit some place new, or just treat youself nicely...like take care of yourself, make sure you look good..bc as superficial as it sounds, feeling good also means looking your best. Keep yourself busy...busy..and you know what else helps? EXERCISE!! I play basketball sometimes, or I go for a run at night, and it releases sooo much stress!! and you feel reallu good after a good workout! Or if your are really goofy, gets some gutts and put on some good dance music..whatever you like...and just dance alone in your room, you can look at yourself in the mirror and just go crazy...believe me it is fun, and you work your body, and release and just let go... Sometimes when I am sad abotu something I go out and get starbucks hott chocolate at Barnes and Noble and just chill and read a bunch of stupid Marie Claire or all those fashion magazines just to get my mind off things...try anything that will get you going.TALK TO A REAL FRIEND u know.. or if you want to let go try writing a letter to him, telling him everything...at least you get it off your chest. and if he doesn't contact you back, screw him! forget him!! and if none of these things help...see a therapist....believe me they are good for things like this...they are trained to understand your problems..and give you the best guidance...All yes....what helps me get through things is a journal or Diary....write out your heart out..but also concentrate on not only tha past...but the future..what I mean by that is yes confide in your book, let out things, but don't get stuck,,write about things you want to do..goals in life...new things to make things better...hmm whatelse can say? ...just chill lady...things will get better..you will see...but you have to make them happen.. :)and by the way he isn't the only man in this world..trust me girl....
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 11th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
I suggest you go out with some female friends and just have fun...stay away from men for a while...you dont need the hassle..there are plenty more fish in the sea as they say hun..just concentrate on yourself for now you deserve it...good luck..Jenny
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 13th, 2010
Experienced User
I fully agree with J3nnyuk.....surround yourself with friends and loved ones. Do activities that you enjoy....the healing process will take time but you will be stronger and will eventually find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I wouldn't suggest you date or see anyone for a while....at least until you have healed. Stay strong....
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 13th, 2010
Thanks for all the replies so far! I am going to try and act on the advice you have given me. Just to clarify with Portal 22 - the relationship was going really well - we'd had the odd row, like any couple, but nothing serious. He came to see me just before Christmas and we both had such a fantastic time(I couldn't see him Christmas Day as he lived quite a long way from me and we had decided to see family at Christmas and spend New Year together). Christmas Day he phoned me, but he was very abrupt and offhand and the phone call didn't last very long, which upset me. When I went over at New Year he acted like he really didn't want me there and he'd ignored me for several days prior to us breaking up. I just came to the conclusion that he was trying to tell me it was over, so I thought it best to end things, as I've been dumped before and I was scared it was going to happen again. I suppose I'm just confused as to why he just started being horrible and offhand with me when everything was fine before that and why he couldn't have just said if something was wrong and we could have talked about it. I also don't know why he said he hadn't wanted to break up when it seemed pretty obvious to me that he wanted out of the relationship. So maybe I'm just worried that I made a mistake and that something else was bothering him and I should have been more supportive. Yes, I agree he probably was manipulative and I am trying very hard to move on and I will get there eventually, but it is hard at times. At the end of the day, I do still care about him a lot and I feel bad that this has happened when we used to be so close.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 13th, 2010
Oh - another thing he said(when we were together)was that he couldn't get any time off work to go on holiday until later in the year(he has a stressful job) and a friend let it slip the other day that he's going off on holiday with some mates in a couple of weeks, so I feel like I've been lied to and I'm not sure why he didn't want to go away with me when we were together.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 13th, 2010
Experienced User
Sunflower17 wrote:
Thanks for all the replies so far! I am going to try and act on the advice you have given me. Just to clarify with Portal 22 - the relationship was going really well - we'd had the odd row, like any couple, but nothing serious. He came to see me just before Christmas and we both had such a fantastic time(I couldn't see him Christmas Day as he lived quite a long way from me and we had decided to see family at Christmas and spend New Year together). Christmas Day he phoned me, but he was very abrupt and offhand and the phone call didn't last very long, which upset me. When I went over at New Year he acted like he really didn't want me there and he'd ignored me for several days prior to us breaking up. I just came to the conclusion that he was trying to tell me it was over, so I thought it best to end things, as I've been dumped before and I was scared it was going to happen again. I suppose I'm just confused as to why he just started being horrible and offhand with me when everything was fine before that and why he couldn't have just said if something was wrong and we could have talked about it. I also don't know why he said he hadn't wanted to break up when it seemed pretty obvious to me that he wanted out of the relationship. So maybe I'm just worried that I made a mistake and that something else was bothering him and I should have been more supportive. Yes, I agree he probably was manipulative and I am trying very hard to move on and I will get there eventually, but it is hard at times. At the end of the day, I do still care about him a lot and I feel bad that this has happened when we used to be so close.


I am going to assume he is having difficulties expressing his emotions/feelings.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 13th, 2010
Experienced User
Sunflower17 wrote:
Oh - another thing he said(when we were together)was that he couldn't get any time off work to go on holiday until later in the year(he has a stressful job) and a friend let it slip the other day that he's going off on holiday with some mates in a couple of weeks, so I feel like I've been lied to and I'm not sure why he didn't want to go away with me when we were together.


This is a signal that he doesn't want to spend time with you....samething happened to me....the other lying on a regular basis to cover her tracks....IMO it's time to move forward....however I'd suggest you not keep in contact with him so you can heal.....keep your head up hun.....it does get better....
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 16th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
If he were actually manipulative he wouldn't have cut of contact with you. It cuts off his ability to manipulate you. He has no interest in any aspect of you right now. The fact that he's going on holiday with mates when he previously couldn't get time off for you could have a lot to do with the fact that he just got dumped and needs to do something fun. Obviously he was unhappy in the relationship. He didn't manage to tell you why. Unfortunately in long distance relationships its very hard to talk about unpleasant topics given how little time you have to share. Chances are he had been unhappy about things for a while and just hoped problems would go away if ignored.

for now I think it's a good idea to get absorbed in something else for a while. However, before you begin your next relationship I think it's important that you talk with your Ex and understand what went wrong between you both
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 17th, 2010
Having read your post, i kinda felt that the guy was waiting for the break up. But he decided to make you tell these important words and blame you.

I really want to advised not to blame yourself!! If he cared about those relations, we would try to talk to you at least once, to find out what were the reasons.... I know what a heart break is...hurts a lot...but as life shows - everything what is done is for the best Smile I'm sure soon you will meet a wonderful person who will care about you!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 18th, 2010
wow, your breakup mirrors mine. he also lives in NY and I in AZ. I didn't want to do the long distance relationship but he was convinced it was going to work so I gave in. 6 months later it all fell apart and I have no idea why. I too broke up with him, same reasons as you and I also feel bad but I know deep down it was the right thing to do. My ex is German and told me he only wanted to stay in the states for me yet when we broke up he didn't put up a fight. My ex wanted to remain friends, talked almost everyday, IM but would say we will never get back together. I recently just cut off all contact with him because it was just unhealthy for me. It hurts and there are days I feel regret but I know deep down we were not meant for each other and I think you know that also. No one knows the future and you guys may work it out or you may not, either way live your life like today was your last and do you really want your last day to be mourning a bad relationship?? Keep your head up, everyday gets a little better.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 2nd, 2010
4 months ago, me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke up. It was a messy break up with both of us crying. It was a hard relationship, mainly because I lost all trust in him. He did a lot, and by that I mean he was the typical man. But two years of being in love with someone to suddenly having nothing. I realised why I had been so happy, because I was with him. We had made so many plans, and if we were not arguing about the past we were perfect.
We broke up and everything went wrong for me. I didn''t eat, I was sick. I felt worry and I always cried. I failed my A level exams and even to this day I feel like there''s no point. I''ve never loved someone so much.
But, I think I''ve made a mistake. We still see each other even now. I stop at his now and then. Then I come home to go online and we don''t talk until he next wants me..
I feel used and unloved.
But I can''t say no because I''m so scared I''ll go back to not eating and hating myself. I feel pathetic. I feel weak and I can''t take much more of it.
My mum had no idea it affected me this much, I''m pretty good at hiding the way I feel when it comes round to it.
What do I do? I have no will power to say no. I love him. He''s not the type to talk about his feeling because he gets angry. I don''t want to lose him, but my friends would hate me if they knew. My mum would be dissapointed in me if she knew I was still seeing him. I have no one to turn too.
No one that understand that it really isn''t that easy to say no..
The slightest "Hi" from him brings a smile back to my face until the next day.
I hate that I''m always thinking about him.
When I''m in sixthform however, I never think about him. Then I get home and I''m so depressed :/.
He''s using me for "fun" isn''t he? He says he isn''t and he says he wants me back. I just can''t take much more of this.
help me? I''m scared of becoming too depressed. I know that it runs in the family.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 22nd, 2011
Im hurting but its not the loss thats hurting or the whole cheating thing im beating myself up because the signs where there and he made me feel like a jealous nut nut!!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 26th, 2011
long term depressed
I can't believe I am still crying almost every night. She left me 9 months ago and I am still hoping she will come back. We had a conflictive relationship because we both were stubborn and with a leader-like attitude but we also spent the best times of our lives together. She sometimes went a bit too far, I am thinking now, after loads of research, that she was suffering of Borderline Personality Disorder. After one and a half year together, she wrote me an email, when I was in a project trip, to finish the relationship. From one day to another, she dropped me. Since then, she has tried to delete me from her life as if I had been horrible to her and I only loved her with all my heart. We met once in a shop by chance and she ran away without saying a word. She blocked me in facebook and I dont even know where she is living now cause she moved.

I've dated some girls, very nice, interesting and beautiful ones but I can't just feel anything more than a company. I don't know how long it will take or if this is ever gonna pass. I am just sure I will never find someone who fulfil me like her and I am scared, depressed and lonely.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 2nd, 2012
depressed
okie im going thru alot more then this... i had a break up with my 8 year old boyfriend and this is the first place im gonna share everything with... i was 18 wen i fell in love with him... now im 26...in october 2010 all of a sudden he started ignoring me, he told me he needed a break from me and this relationship i really dint understand what was really wrong? then i saw his facebook pics he got close to another girl... that girl was his friends fioyoncee, when i msged him abt that he got more mad at me... and in december when she was gonna get married he came back to me apologising and saying i was crazie to think like that, caz they are just good friends and i believed him... She got married in jan 01-01-2011 we patched up, i told him ill only be with him if he stops talking to her, and he promised he had stopped talking to her so we were back for good... then in august 2011 i was on his facebook in his house when he went out to buy something... she msged him and i was shocked i chatted with her pretending to be him and i found out they slept together... so he lied n cheated on me for another year.... i was devastated i wanted to die... he somehow again convenced me he dint sleep with her, and she is purposely doing that to break us up... after everything i again believed him but this time things were very very different, he never loved me cared for me like before, he used to check out other chicks talk to them and hide his phone.... and again this month 8th feb he just stopped talking to me all of a sudden like october 2010... and im so broken rite now... i keep msging him like im so needy so desperate i cry cry cry ive lost interest in work friends parents... i just keep crying and i keep msging him and he sends me one msg after 15 msgs of mine.... and now i feel so pathetic.... since august 2008 he hasnt been working and ive supported him till date... caz i really love him alot... even last nite even though we r not talkin i paid his phone bill...i gift his parents his sisters just to keep him happy... after all stress at work just so i can work harder to keep him happy and get us a good future till he gets a job.... and after reading my story everyone must be thinking im fat ugly or needy... but the fact is its the other way round, the guy im dating is below average and im very gorgeous but the fact is ever since ive fallen in love with him ive lost all self respect i donno wat to do i need help... i just cant live without him and i cant live with him after everything Sad Sad
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 20th, 2012
i need help! :'(
yesterday my boyfriend of 2 and a half months dumped me we were perfect for eachother idk what happend this girl txted me telling me that she can tell my boyfriend was unhappy so i txted him and confronted him and asked him if he was and he told me he wasnt but he thought i was and he said we needed a break. i cryed for 2 and a half hours straight i cant eat or sleep i cant even laugh at things i used to i feel dead inside i just wanna curl up in a ball and die . what do i do'??????
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 28th, 2014
Go out of your home, there are so many handsome boys are waiting for you, give them a chance.
|
Did you find this post helpful?