I'm doing a college research paper on dysthymia, so i'm very informed on the disorder

first off, did you know you only need to be severely depressed for 2 weeks to be diagnosed with depression (especially major depression)?
Well, while major depression is not long term, like dysthymia (at least 2 yrs to a lifetime), a person with dysthymia can also deal with outbreaks of major depression-in fact it is very common (around 75 percent deal with both).

but while the suicide thoughts can disappear, they can always come back, and get worse every time. and just because you self harm doesnt mean that correlates to you wanting to kill yourself-self harm is a way to release angst and pain inside.

now on a more personal note, you probably feel either, well maybe i'm just supposed to feel this way-maybe i'm over reacting, etc. but 2 years is a long time. dysthymia starts up around adolescence and can start as a child too (with signs that you may have not thought to be depressive signs)
as a untreated victim of dysthymia myself, i have dealt with it since i was your age, and now i'm 18 and still suffering. dysthymia lasts for a very long time and when you think it goes away, it comes back--sometimes you can be happy for 2 months and then BAM.
i've dealt with one or 2 major depressive episodes and have done plenty self harm as well. it can be confusing when u have dysthymia because you read about major depression and you think-well, i am able to do every day things, its not like im sitting in bed not eating all day. thats why a lot of people with it are untreated b/c they dont think they have a problem.

now what i do is i have kept a journal/diary since i was 8ish. so i have documented every day i cut, every day i was sad, etc. this way, i monitor myself and in addition if i ever one day get the courage to tell someone of my problem, and they dont believe me, i have years of evidence.
you can start to do that, writing your feelings out also help deal with your internalizing your depression. i think my writing is why i have not broken down!
but you need help. please tell someone you trust, even if you cant tell your parents, then tell your BEST friend and have them help you talk to them. you dont want to waste your years at high school feeling depressed all the time, trust me. high school has enough drama as it is!

just think. if you even are questioning if your happy, then are you truly happy?

if i can help you in any other way, please let me know-i'll give you my email if you want to

i just turned twenty and am still where you are now, to some extent. i started feeling how you are when i was in middle school. in high school my parents made me, against my will, go to a therapist because they saw what i had done to myself on my arms and legs. at first i was mad at them for making me see a therapist, but i'm not anymore. dysthymia is not something that will just 'go away', but it is something i have learned to deal with, something i can be happier with. if you do in fact have dysthymia, you need to talk to your parents, or one of them, or a school counselor. i'm not one for lying, so i won't say you'll be happy for sure, but i can say from experience you will be able to be at least 'happier'. i know i'm not a psychology expert or anything but i have been, and still am, there. and even though i don't know if it can be 'fixed', i know there are ways to make life so much better. i hope you take care of yourself. i still have the scars on myself from my pain and i don't want anyone to have to have those as well. take care and good luck