I don't know where to start. But I know I need help, and I'm trying my best to at least cut back on my cutting. Uhm, I guess I'll just put up the short version of the story and you can contact me if you want to know more in order to try and help. I don't care if you cut, used to, or never did. I just want to stop, eventually.

My great-grandma died in January. I started cutting then, and hid it well. Once April hit, I had a job and a lotta scars hiding under my uniform. I would cut when I was mad, stressed, forgot to do homework, almost any and everything set me off for a while. I stole exacto-blades from the art department at school... I was so ashamed that I'd lock myself up in my room and stopped eating. In May, I met this guy "Kenny." We like each other and all that, you know how it goes... Well, "Kenny" was over and noticed the crap-load of scars and made me promise that by the end of the year I'd e done cutting. I promised. June was a bad month. "Kenny" was arrested, and I cut a lott. And I purposefully cut where he'd see them. July, well, wasn't much better. Him and I still talk, I blame him for the cutting to his face and still feel guilty about it.

Throughout the whole time, I've been trying to find other ways to get the pain I want to badly. I've gotten 13 piercings, and have no where else I can really pierce without it being an issue with my mom (who doesn't know I cut at all), and a tattoo. Those helped. But I can't be covered in ink and metal. But I know I can't be covered in scars either.

I've attempted suicide ONCE. I took a bottle of pain pills, then freaked out and threw them all up and called the doctors and told them I accidentally took the wrong pills. I've thought about suicide more than I care to mention, mainly because I hate how people react when they find out I cut. "Kenny" is the only one who doesn't make me feel like what I'm doing means I need to be hospitalized. He cares, and knows what to say because he's been there...

I recently took apart a razor and dug it into my ankle. It felt so good, but when "Kenny" found out, I cried when he told me that he cut before and he doesn't want me to go through that crap. I admit, sometimes I cut just for the attention I get from some people. I know that self injure isn't "right", but it helps.

I want to at least cut back on my cutting. I can't hide the cuts/scars anymore. And I can't keep lying to my family...

Any suggestions/advise/help would be greatly appreciated.
I know its long, and I apologize for that... Trust me, this is all just the tip of the ice berg.