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Depressed because I'm ugly. (Page 1)

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I have all these feelings bottled up inside me and I don't want to express them with anyone I know because I feel too ashamed and embarrassed by it so I will be sharing it with you. I also don't tell my parents because I don't want them to treat me differently because it will seem just too fake.

I'm 21 years old, a male and almost 22. I've never had a girlfriend before and barely have any friends anymore because I chose to isolate myself after high school. Anyway, I am ugly, and it's not a mental problem at all. I've been told I'm ugly all my life, I've never had anyone compliment my physical appearance before, so of course I'm going to think I'm ugly. Although that explanation can mean that it's a mental problem, but when I look at myself in photos and such, I can truly tell how ugly I look. I can't stand the way I look. With pictures of me standing with people, I can clearly see the deformities or how abnormal my overall face structure is.

Because of this, I've isolated myself from the world almost. I stay in my room using my computer almost the entire day everyday. I've become quite sensitive, so sensitive that I can't even take a joke from my friends about my appearance. Every little comment makes me totally depressed. Whatever girls like about a guy(physically) I have the exact opposite features. To make things worse my little brother who is 18 is the exact opposite of me. He's tall, handsome, looks like a model and is nominated to be prom king. He's always with a bunch of girls and it really makes me feel like crap. What did I do to suffer from this horrible life and what did my brother do to have such a great life?

It's really not fair. I don't blame anyone for not liking my face, it's totally natural. I actually feel disappointing in myself for being so shallow. I nitpick at everything about my face. Whenever I'm around goodlooking people, I try to hide myself or leave because I'm scared of what they think of me. I get treated like a second class citizen everywhere I go. It's really hard for me to continue with this life because I'm not getting anything out of it. It's a boring life. I've never had any serious suicide thoughts before. It's only been recently but it's still not that serious.

A month ago my mom bought a brand new car for me. A normal person would be excited and happy but I didn't make much out of it. In fact I think it's made me even more depressed because it reminds me of how I have nowhere or no one to go to. No one to show it off to. The car has been rendered useless. Anyway, I don't think I'll ever be happy and I don't see the point in living anymore since I'm not getting anywhere in life. Thanks for reading, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me because that'll just make me feel worse.
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First Helper rogerw123
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replied March 29th, 2010
Community Volunteer
Make yourself look as good as you can and be content...Many young people no longer get married....The main thing is for you to get out among people...Take on the role of a leader....Find the confidence that you are missing inside....What makes you think that a girlfriend will make you happy?....I think that this is so neat about the "new world" and that being nobody expects anyone to get married or settle down...Do your thing...Get out and help people...Don't close yourself off in a room...Find your nitch in life and go with it....Good luck...

Caroline
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replied March 30th, 2010
i dont look great, everyone has flaws. i hope you dont think that all us girls think about is the way someone looks? i for one dont give a damn, you sound like you have a lovely personality, get out there and show it Smile
i hope your ok, i feel terrible quite alot, and up until last year i didnt leave my room at all, now i think all i need is a pint and someone to talk to right? go out and just have FUN. who gives a damn how you look? the remedie is happiness. if you can be happy, then no one can shoot you down
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replied April 12th, 2011
Love yourself and be happy...You are somebody
What you said is so true.Tonite a guy really talked about me bad called me every name in the book and told me that i need to go look at myself in the mirror cause i was ugly and stupid. Not to long ago he told me that i was beautiful. But i realize it doesn't matter what people say about at first it hurted my feelings but who cares if nobody thinks ur beautiful no for youself that you are beautiful. Live life to its' fulliest.
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replied March 31st, 2010
Experienced User
Hi Mudig,

dontworrybehippy said it very nicely. sunny

It is all about self-esteem queen . There are many "ugly" people out there but because they have a healthy self-esteem, it doesn't really matter that much. Their self-acceptance and positive attitude towards themeselves radiates out of them sunny , giving them a great charisma and people like luvsme and love inlove them.

So, the first step is to accept yourself the way you are Idea . There is no need to feel that it is unfair glance not to have a pretty face. But perhaps you'll come to realize Idea one day that there is far more to life than what meets the eye looking . There is a deeper meaning Question to everything and it may be a great challenge Rolling Eyes for you to understand the life lessons this is offering to you.

I know, we live in a society where the cult of the body is worshipped. But not everyone is like that, as dontworrybehippy has pointed out to you. Besides that, just have a look at how many "beautiful" people are there who have the "brain of a chicken" and yet they make great stars out of themselves. What is in your heart is truly important. Your inner purity which will give you compassion, the inner strength and self-assurance. And this will attract 4you everything you need to live a happy and fulfilling life. sunny gosign

Merrick sunny
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replied June 28th, 2010
hello, i am a girl and only 13 but i still understand you. the only reason you have no friends is because you chose it. Dont think of what people will think of you because there thoughts arent going to bring you any where in life. i think you should go out and make friends by going to a fun place. go on vacation. and i noticed bottling things up inside of you makes EVERYTHING worse . it is a god thing that you wrote this. whenever i feel bad about myself i usually tell my BFF and she helps me out. i think i am ugly too but some people call me pretty and some people call me ugly. everyone has different opinions. if you still feel bad about yourself you shouldnt really i mean how cares about looks i mean i know alot of bad looking people that i think are pretty just because of the way they act or the way the person is for example if i see an ugly girl that is funny i automatically think shes pretty because of her personality
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replied July 27th, 2010
Wow that is one ginormous pit you have dug for yourself. To hear you tell it there is no way out. Let me help you out here. Happiness comes from acceptance of yourself and life and meaningful connection with others. not from competing with others and feeling that you are better than them. Its great that your brother is popular with the ladies. love him for it and you won't be distant from him. its cool that you think your ugly as long as you are ok with it. Its not that people don't want to be around ugly people its that they don't want to be around negative people that they feel uncomfortable around. you just need to find something to do that you like and that makes you feel good about yourself. and till you find something that you like do something that you don't that takes you out of your comfort zone. if only to show yourself that you can. and don't give up or be hard onyourself if you can't at first just use the desire to be happy to keep trying. success and happiness is in the trying.
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replied July 29th, 2010
Hi Mudig.
I am a 20 year old male who can empathise to a certain extent with how your feeling. I have those days were i feel as though i don't want to leave the house, i feel so angry and upset with myself for the opportunities i have missed due to my insecurities. I do however have days in which i feel drastically different and have all the confidence in the world, and you know what, very little changes about my appearance. Its all a state of mind, if you choose to possess a negative mindset then by the sounds of it you have enough time on your hands to make the most secure of us question themself.
Now im going to have to revert back to cliches here but they really are true. Focus on the positives, what makes you distinctive and you essentially?
Realise that the vast majority of people you will meet have feelings similar to this at some point (for instance if you met me i doubt you would assume i had ever felt as you do).
Also nobody has the right to tell you that your unattractive. Looks do not equal worth and anybody who would suggest this is ignorant and more than likely somebody not worth knowing.
And finally its ok to feel sh*t sometimes, its perfectly natural, just don't allow your insecurities to consume and dictate your life. Anybody with the such low opinion of themself that you seem to have would end up in the situation your in (supposedly friendless and lifeless). This life of yours is your making and you have the power to change it.
One practical solution i could suggest to you is to seek out counseling (not necessarily a psychiatrist). Now disregard most peoples pre-conceptions of counseling as a reserve of the mentally ill and really look into it. I went at the age of 17 purely out of curiosity of what it could offer me and i came out a far happier and more secure person, i definately think it could help you gain a greater understanding of yourself and the roots of your low self esteem. Mine was a free service and im sure there will be something similar near you.
But anyway i hope i helped, seriously look into the counseling and good luck for the future, i'm sure things will all look up soon.
Al
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replied September 25th, 2010
i know that feeling im ugly too

people have told me that my whole life
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replied September 25th, 2010
aylix wrote:
i know that feeling im ugly too

people have told me that my whole life
my brother is better looking that me too and he has more friends
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replied October 17th, 2010
I also am a 21 yo male, nearly 22. I've been struggling with depression for about four years now, and it's because of the same reason as you.

I feel my physical appearance is ugly, and I feel underappreciated and worthless to people. Whenever I am around other people I always come out of that time feeling worse, not only because I can see my mates and their girlfiends/fiancees that are so in love.

I am skinny as heck, pasty white skin like you've never seen, unmanageable hair, big nose, bad skin, weird voice. I'm not funny or charming, just a math kid and a nerd. Any girl I introduce myself to will always give me the same look of 'who does this guy think he is?'. Whenever I talk to a girl I'm interested in, she will be nice enough, but then when my good-looking mate joins the conversation, she will laugh at all his jokes and concentrate only on him and compliment him. I, like you, have never been complimented by a girl on my physical appearance. Any little things when a girl ignores me or treats me badly can send me into a terrible depressive state. I have felt ugly and disgusted with my body and face as long as I can remember. Whenever I look at photos I just feel sick.

I guess I have this because I figure that if I'm ugly, and girls aren't interested in me, then that means I'll always be alone. I'll never get married, never get to be a Dad, never get to be a husband, never get to hold a woman in my arms and tell her I love her.

It is hard. Very hard. But no matter how bad it gets, I can always rely on one thing: That God loves me. That I have immense worth in his eyes, that because of Jesus he sees me as a beautiful son. I'm sorry to preach to you here, but I have found that to chase after people's acclimation is worthless, but to chase after God, is priceless. I can be absouletly certain that he loves you and I more than we could ever possbily understand.

At times I don't understand why he made me physically ugly. I don't know, and sometimes I get very angry about it. It's hard to see all my friends pairing up, and me left with no one. I turn to God and I say WHY? WHY did you do this?? And in that moment I feel so empty, dark, alone and angy and sad and worthless and like every ounce of my being is just going to break apart and I break down and cry and cry and cry.

And I ache. I ache so bad to meet a woman who appreciates me, who understands me, who loves me, who accepts me for who I am, who will never leave me. But no one is perfect. I can't be completely satisfied by a person, because an imperfect person can't perfectly satisfy. But a perfect Saviour can. A perfect Jesus DOES appreciate me, as man he DOES understand me, he DOES love me - even to the extent that he paid my debt before God so I could spend eternity with him, he DOES accept me. And he will never, never leave me; my relationship with him is permanent - it can never be taken away.

Even though I struggle at times, I turn back to God, and I have found that Jesus can give me the assurance I want, that Jesus can give me the worth that I crave, that Jesus can give me the satisfaction I desire. He is the closest friend I will ever have, he is in my heart when I live every day, that by him I can know a loving, wonderful Father.

Again, I'm sorry to be so preachy, but my faith is the one and only thing I have in my life that I can absouletly depend on. I feel complelled to share that with people, and give them a chance at experiencing the immense joy that I have found in Christ.

I will leave you with this: Jesus said in Luke 9:24 "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it". That dosen't mean that Jesus wants us to go and die, what he is saying is that when you are prepared to give up everything you have, everything you depend on through your own deeds or people's opinions of you, and turn to him, and be content with just him, then and only then, will you find a life truly worth living.

I will pray for you. That you will find joy not in an ego boost, not in someone's opinion of you, not in a religion, but in a deep, wonderful, and all-satisfying relationship with God. I urge you to seek out a Christian counsellor; these are people that will treat you with respect, and despite what you may think, are not judgemental. They have been an amazing help to me, and I hope for you as well.

Peace out Smile

P.S. If you ever want to chat, you can write me and I also have Skype.
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replied January 15th, 2011
Hello Peter Doobes. I hope you don't mind you saying but i was moved to the point of tears in what you i read in your reply to Mudig. I feel so sad that you ache with loneliness and the feelings of being ugly. My heart goes out to you. I know even though I've never seen you that you are nowhere near ugly. You are a beautiful man with a lovely heart and I just know it isnt possible for you to be ugly. For you to feel so much pain shows you have deep inner beauty and qualities and compassion that money cant buy. Jesus tells me you'll never be ugly physically or in any way. Believe me i know how you feel. You said no girl understands well as i read that i cried saying i understand i understand i know how you feel. I feel ugly too i was bullied and called names at school about my appearance and my brothers dont talk to me because of this. My parents are ashamed of me for not being prettier but someone told me that inside i have so much inner beauty and am so attractive. Nobody sees or appreciates it. At work people judge me because i have a big nose and need a brace. I have lovely big kind eyes though that show my inner soul. I want you to know how truly valuable loved and precious you are to Jesus and to me. Love in Christ from Joanna
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replied January 15th, 2011
Hello Peter Doobes. I hope you don't mind you saying but i was moved to the point of tears in what you i read in your reply to Mudig. I feel so sad that you ache with loneliness and the feelings of being ugly. My heart goes out to you. I know even though I've never seen you that you are nowhere near ugly. You are a beautiful man with a lovely heart and I just know it isnt possible for you to be ugly. For you to feel so much pain shows you have deep inner beauty and qualities and compassion that money cant buy. Jesus tells me you'll never be ugly physically or in any way. Believe me i know how you feel. You said no girl understands well as i read that i cried saying i understand i understand i know how you feel. I feel ugly too i was bullied and called names at school about my appearance and my brothers dont talk to me because of this. My parents are ashamed of me for not being prettier but someone told me that inside i have so much inner beauty and am so attractive. Nobody sees or appreciates it. At work people judge me because i have a big nose and need a brace. I have lovely big kind eyes though that show my inner soul. I want you to know how truly valuable loved and precious you are to Jesus and to me. Love in Christ from Joanna
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replied March 15th, 2011
To PeterDoobes,

You are a beautiful and inspirational person.

I like Joanna, was incredibly moved. Your post touched me on a very deep level.

We are united in faith, and united by God.

And for that i am glad.

Love, Tien.
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replied March 15th, 2011
Mudig,

Here's the honest truth: You are a man, even if you think you are terribly ugly, you can totally score a hot babe! Smile
Instead of locking yourself up in your room, start working on the one thing that you can control: your body! Start working out, pick an educational goal - focus on all the things that you can, and you know what women will notice.

It's a strange thing... Women can fall in a love with a confident man and think he's sexy even if he's never thought so himself. I promise you - it's all about confidence!

And you know what... I bet you aren't as unattractive as you think you are. You have spent so much time focusing on how unattractive you are, try instead focusing on one thing you do like about yourself.

If you feel like you don't have something to be happy about I would be happy to help you figure it out!
BE HAPPY and you will be!
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replied March 28th, 2011
look you well find a pretty angel just talk to girls but good girls dont let no one put you down i been there know i have a pretty angel and she only loves me
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replied March 28th, 2011
if you need help just tell me
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replied April 30th, 2011
ugly truth
*This response is for the Original post, and for people who are here because they are feeling the same*

Bro, it's really eery reading your post. It's like you read my mind and have described what I'm feeling right now. I am also very ugly--I have known this all my life-- It's just a fact, I guess. And as I got older I tend to hear it more often from insensitive/immature people-- So I do understand what you are saying and feeling.

The "ugly" truth is, the world is very visual. We will always be attracted to a "pretty" face. We just respond positively when we see a pretty face and when see something that is not attractive we respond negatively. That's the honest truth and can even be supported by science. That's the whole reason why good looking people lived in different world than us. Honestly, I am guilty of it too, I tend to pay more attention to good looking people and I tend to remember their names than the others.


Like I said, I was also born unfortunately ugly, and people have treated me unkindly. People won't remember my name, teachers(i'm 25 btw) will look past me and wont even recognize the fact that i'm in a room with them. I gave my number to a bunch of people and they didn't even keep it--and these are people that I've been interacting for a whole semester in college--Friends have cut me off.. the list just goes on.

What I've been doing, and I suggest you do the same. Is start developing a skill or hobby. Do you play music? sing? Sports? Draw? Do you write? and just focus on developing whatever it is when you are alone. That's what I've been doing, I play the piano and I sing, so whenever I'm by myself (which is often) I try to play the piano and vocalize. It will make you forget about the superficial stuff that you go through and I often will feel better afterwards.


LONELINESS SUCKS!! I Know, there would be times when I wish I had someone to talk to and laugh with or just to grab a meal with. But the thing, everyone feels lonely--even the good looking ones. It's all on how we handle it. I just recently started taking advantage of my loneliness. You know, we don't have to be miserable when we are alone.


Most good looking people get by because of their looks. And because of this, they don't even have to try to develop a skill or develop a likable personality or humor. All they have to do is look pretty. Some of them even have really ugly personalities--I'm sure you've met these kind of people before--THIS IS WHERE WE UGLY PEOPLE SHINE! No one will give us the world in a platter, so we have to work for it. We have to develop skills,talents,personalities, to make people appreciate us. And these skill that we developed, THEY LAST!! It will be more satisfying to know that someone likes you or appreciate you because of your skills or personality rather than your looks.


And one more thing. BEAUTY DOESN'T LAST!!! Remember that! I just saw a picture of the prettiest girl back in my school and the quarterback and their looks have faded. You're still at your early 20s, our bodies will keep on aging and our looks are the first one to go. It all depends on our genes and more importantly on how we take of ourselves.

And most importantly you can always acquire beauty-I've been working out and my physique has definitely help me boost my confidence a bit. We can make ourselves look attractive nowadays- YOU HAVE THAT CHOICE, you can change and improve yourself if you wanted to.

I'm sure you're not that ugly, I'm probably uglier than you. Which is definitely possible.

Hang in there man. Remember when someone calls you ugly, they are seeing things that they don't like on themselves-- they're pretty much projecting their insecurities- Ignore them, you don't have to be a victim and insulting goes both ways but try to be a better person if you can.
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replied June 3rd, 2011
I feel the same way. I'm 13 I use to go outside before i got all ugly... and now I'll only go out in the dark. i don't really hang out with anyone like i did before. i always try to hide during school and when it's over i just wanna get the hell out of there.
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replied October 6th, 2011
you described how i feel perfectly. i don't blame anyone for not wanting to be with a girl who is so repulsive:-)
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replied October 7th, 2011
Hey, I feel ugly too but I'm trying to make myself prettier. Bottom half of my body is wider than other people and my upper body is slimmer than other people which makes me look like a pear = = but hey, I'm gonna work on that. So you should too. I have friends that have a perfect body and perfect face, never sweat (not even by one bit.), open-minded,fun etc, basically, every guys' dream girl and I'm the opposite. I think I look ok when I stand in front of the mirror on my own but when I take a picture with other people, I feel that my face features and my body is really out of proportion.

I researched a lot and I've searched a lot on how celebrities used to look like. I've found that a lot didn't actually have surgery but have gotten a lot pretty simply by losing lots of weight, baby fat from their face. I'm asian (no discrimination please xD) and I have monolids, it makes my eyes droopy but they're not as droopy as other people who has monolids and I have found ways to help make them nicer without surgery. I have found ways on how to make my nose bridge a bit higher etc.

So do your research, if you think parts of your face is not nice, look up how you can improve that certain part with face yoga or massaging or avoid eating certain foods at certain times. If you feel bad about your body, work out, even if it's just little by little.

Don't worry about getting gothic girls or whatever. It's just the appearance that you like but since you never got them to be interested in you, it also means that, you never got to really know them. Their personalities might not suit you at all. Before you start aiming for your ideal type, go for other types of women, even if it's just for friendship. You never know what that can bring you.
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