What makes you so sad? Did something happen to you when you were young?

i guess. there are a few things that happened in my past that make me very sad to think about. maybe its just there is something wrong with me that i feel so sad all the time. i dont no. i just want it to go away.

Can you explain a little so I have an idea where you are coming from? I'm sure you are a great person and just need to realize it but you need to clear up your past first. Are you able to talk to anyone about it or have you just kept it inside this whole time? If your bf isn't going to listen you need to tell someone...

im sorry i didnt mean to be vague its just the only person i ever told was myboyfriend and now im about to post it over the net.\
i was raped when i was 13. i guess its not that young. i guess thats it. maybe im just pathetic and cant handle things aswell as other people

Oh I am so sorry.. I would be a total mess if that happened to me. It's okay to talk about it. No one knows who you are on here that's why it's a great place to get advice. If you would rather email me so it's not out here you can. I don't know if that is against the rules of this site but if it helps you I would be willing to talk that way...

thank you for talking to me. thank you so much. i would really like to keep talking to you if you dont mind. here is fine to talk my email doesnt work anyway.
i am a mess. i cut my self eveyday and i really dont no what to do anymore. my life doesnt seem worth living

Did this all start after you were raped?

i was sad alot before it but then everthing just got worse after it me and my parents started fighting alot (which is what caused me to leave home) i lost friends and my life just seemed to fall apart.

Was it someone you knew who raped you? You said your parents don't know that happened right? What did you start fighting with your parents about? Why did your friends leave? Sorry to ask so many questions, just trying to get to know you a little and for you to get out your feelings.

no i didnt no them at the time but soon after they starting hanging around my the time friends. and no my parents dont no about it.
i dont really remember why we fought, i guess i started pushing everyone away from me after it happened. same with my friends.
i just stopped seeing everyone and doing anything. i havent felt able to tell anyone about what happened because i no that they will just say it was my fault. i guess it was. he said i was asking for it and it is probably true. i just feel so worthless. i deserved what happened to me and i am the reason that my life is like this.
i would really like to fall asleep and never wake up

No no one would EVER tell you that it was your fault. That's what you hear in the media. Women are so criticized for being too sexy or acting too all the time. There is no excuse for forcing sex on someone. He was just trying to make you feel worthless and that it was your fault so you wouldn't turn him in. If you had true friends they would be there for you and help you. Your family would also come to your defense. I'm sure your reaction was normal to push everyone away because you probably felt ashamed and embarrassed at what happened. Please believe me that you are not at fault here.

even if what you said is true (which i find extremly difficult to believe) it doesnt stop the way i feel. i feel worthless, i feel dirty all the time, i feel sad, scared and alone. i feel as though i am trapped and to die is the only way to excape. cutting eases the pain for a bit but not long.

I am more than happy to talk to you but there is another place you can visit if you want more experienced help. There are thousands of other women who have been through what you have been through. If you don't want to talk to someone in person you can visit online at www.rainn.org or you can call 1-800-656-HOPE. It may help to talk to someone from there over the phone.. I just really want to help you and don't want you to hurt yourself anymore.

thank you again for talking to me.
im sorry if i bored you or wated your time.

You did not waste my time. I am here for you to talk to. I am really worried now that I know your story and wish that me talking to you could help in some way. What happened is not your fault. You are the victim here not the guy who did this to you. Don't let him ruin you life. Remember I'm here for you..

thank you.

thank you.
just talking helped. although i still feel miserable it was good to have someone to talk to.
i was just wondering how old you are? (if u dont want to answer thats fine)

29

I will be online for maybe another hour if there is anything else you want to tell me or talk about. I check the site almost daily so whenever you need to talk feel free to send a message.