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Depressed and cutting

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October 7th, 2009
Hi,

This is gonna be some story and I'm looking for help, quite deperately I'd say. I'm 14 and until I was like, 12, I often thought about suicide and harming myself and stuff. When I turned 13 in october, things started getting worse. in january I started cutting myself. After some weeks I realised wth I was doing and told my best friend who convinced me to tell my boyfriend.I talked a lot, but didn't really want to stop, I was lying about it and getting more recluse. After trying I now kinda stopped, though sometimes I just can't resist the urge. last time was like, 3 weeks ago, last time before then 2 months. I cut frequently for 5 months or so, not so bad. but some 4 months ago I started getting stomach aches when I felt depressed.. Then I started having stomach aches when eating. I had attacks of self-hate, when I smashed myself against walls and laid on the floor, trying not to cut. I have a lot of anger and agression built up inside me, I'm really scared. I still have stomach aches a lot and I'm really ill. I'm really energetic though, once the day's started, and I only sleep 4-6 hours a night, but until 3/4 pm I'm really tired, then I just get really alive. I'm depressed a lot and really suicidal, first I didn't want to die, then for somet time I really wanted to, then I didn't care. I'm really afraid of what might come. Things seem to be getting better recently but I don't know... I've asked for help with friends around me, but they've all given up. They can't do anything for me anymore. I'm desperate, my self-esteem's very low, I hate myself and I want to die. Yet I don't. I'm getting really recluse, People: teachers, students,; start noticing me and asking questions. My parents don't know. I hate talking to 'grown ups'. Oh really. I think I might be Bipolar... I have no control anymore. Things are just slipping away... Who's helping me out, now?
Please comment.
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sting89
replied October 9th, 2009
well to be honest, i'm no doctor and thats who you need to talk to but sounds like you're addicted to cutting yourself because it gives you a sense of control which maybe you are lacking in other areas of your life. those sound like withdrawal symptoms but since you have been feeling this way for most of your life, it could be a hormonal imbalance. with the mood swings, i think you need to talk about things (even just writing it down if you dont want to outloud) or take up a sport such as boxing to get out your excess aggression/anger (also this will provide more endorphins making you feel better about yourself which may help with the sleep and should lessen stomach cramps.) i strongly suggest visitng a psychologist for some sessions, they will be more help. i too was a cutter so hope this helps.
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IaCutterrChickk
replied October 9th, 2009
ironic
Wow sounds exactly like me. I was a cutter as weell . i had been thinking aboutt itt for awhile before i actutally started . one nightt things got so bad at home thatt i justt grabbed the closest thing too me which happend to be a really sharp pair of sizzers . i slitt my wristt somee . .9 times i believe ? The nextt day i went to school and had told my friend thatt dressed as an emo butt never actutally cutt . weell as soon as i showed her my wrist she showed me hers too . she hasd started the exact same nightt i did . it was something we had gone through all of this togetherr forr aboutt 3 months . Cutting as much as we could everyday. There wwas lots and lots of crying togetherr . At thee time we had grown soo close . she was my bestt friend . weell one day herr parents caughtt herr. so she went clean . butt thatt didn't stopp me . i still did itt for anotherr yearr afterr thatt. it gott really hard . i didn't care aboutt anything butt my emo boyfriend . i lostt mostt of my friends because of lies and because they all knew i cared moree aboutt my boyfriend then them . i didn't care . i stopped eating mostt of the time i slept in any freee time. i lostt alott. Its horrible being a 14 year old girl in thatt possion . then it gott worse . drugs were involved . one day i gott so depressed i justt told my mom i didn't care anymore and showed herr my wristt . I'm still nott compleatly clean i do itt when i feel like i have too . its really a sad life and i feel bad for anyone goin through itt . i don't know how much this helps butt itt mightt I'm sorry ):
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J3nnyuk
replied October 9th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
hi whiteflower, sorry to hear about your problems, i am no doctor either but as far as i can tell cutting is the only way you feel in control but you need to get out of this habit because not only are you ruining your young life but you are pushing people further away. You said that your parents don't know you cut, well i think they should know how depressed their daughter is, i mean they might think everything is absolutely fine when your in your room every night harming yourself. Your parents could get you the help you so desperately need and they might be able to help you themselves. just talk to them and see what happens, but whatever the outcome you need to stop this NOW! you're young and you have your whole life ahead of you so many possibilities dont waste it...good luck...jenny
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SOCFEL67
replied October 11th, 2009
Im not doctor either, I am just a teenager also. Its hard to fight the temptation after you already know how it feels, and how you think it helped. I though that same thing, and I am still fighting the temptation. The only reason any of it started with me was because of my real mom, and stuff. It has been 4 months since I have done it last. Just realize you are not alone, there are so many in this world who struggle with this issue just like you. Just remember, you are loved by many. Good luck ...
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