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depressed all my life

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I have been depress for most of my life... Mainly cause my bio mother didn't care about me, once my little brother was born. n on top of all of that all she cared about was sex... we ended up getting taken away cause she was with a child molester. who is now back on the street after going back to prison for trying to do what he did to me to another young helpless girl. Anyways, I didn't get really depress until after i had my second son Derek on Feb 2 of this year. Mainly cause everything went wrong after i had him. The day after he was born my boss n i notice he was breathing fast. the doctor said it was normal. knowing it wasn't. the next day my husband told me that Derek is under a breathing shield. i started to cry. then i couldn't walk or nothing they thought i may have shingle whatever that is. the hospital ended up blowing a vein in both of his hands cause the night nurses didn't keep a eye on him or about three hours. they even admitted to it. so he ended up getting skin graphs done. so he got transfer to Bronson that's a good hospital. he got better, he has scars on his hands but he is my little chunky butt. lol

me it took over a month for me to get treated for whatever i had. i still dont know what caused it. i had a hip bone infection on top of ammonia and anemia and blood clots. its hard not being able to take care of your own kids being stuck on the couch. i couldn't ever take a shower or nothing cause i was in so much pain. i was very close n committed suicide. i am glad i didn't know. cause i am healthy kinda and working and enjoying my kids.
i can never forget what happened mainly cause my son's scares remind me about it and my hip pain that i still have reminds me about it. in being scared if i ever do get pregnant again that this same thing could happen scare me the death. i well never go back to that hospital i thought. i went Tuesday cause of my hip pain and the doctor told me he was very nice that if i don't go see a bone doctor soon i could need a hip replacement. problem i dont have health insurance. at all.... which i hate cause i still have all these issues...
money is tight my husband is disabled.
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replied November 13th, 2008
hi motheroftwoboys
Youve have been through so much most of your life, no wonder you felt so depressed. I just wanted you to know that even though you've never felt loved by your mother, Jesus loves you very much and wants you to get to know him. you have been blessed with two beautiful boys and they are gift from God. You was a gift to your mother however she chose not to love you as she should have but that is not your fault. If I were you i'd throw myself into being the best mother and wife ever and give my kids something I never had. I will pray for you, and also to find a bible teaching church that will teach you the bible as the bible is an instruction manual on how to live your life a Godly life that will make you happy because you will learn about why people do things they shouldnt and why it has happen to you.
I have been a christian for 3 years and attend Calvery Chapel in Mansfield England. My daughter is Disabled and I understand it's very hard and you wonder why is life so hard, I started to to learn about Christ and Ive never looked back it doesnt mean that you won't go through hardship etc ot just equips you to get through it. God Bless Liz
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