*waves*

Hello again.. I've been on this website once or twice before for the same exact reason, but i don't know where else i can go to talk about stuff. I have a problem with anxiety, apathy and deppression and i just needed someone to talk to.



I know, i'm lame. I don't know what my problem is though, but i just can't seem to get my act together. It's only recently that its even become a problem at all.. before the last quarter in school i never failed any classes, and im in mostly honors classes, so its not like im a complete fool. heck, ive had perfect attendance ever since 5th grade, and im in 11th grade now. BUT.. Last quarter i got a 45 F, two D's, and a handful of low C's. I just can't work in school any more. I know it's a problem, and i tell myself i will do something about it but i never do.. in fact its only gotten worse. I've slept in math class for the last two days straight and i have a 39% right now.

The worst part about it is that It doesnt even bother me enough for me to do anything about it. I've smoked pot now for at least a year, but recently ive been smoking cigarettes and snorting pain killers. A couple days ago my mom found out that I smoke weed and i told her that it wouldnt happen again.. but that didnt end up working. I just can't stand living without some form of happiness anymore, even if that happiness is artificial and it leaves me feeling even worse then i did before. When im not high i never feel like doing anything besides sleeping. sleeping is the one thing that i still enjoy in life, because for those few short hours you don't have to bother with living life... sleeping, drugs, and music are just about the only things that i still enjoy

I don't even know anymore. I don't see any point in quitting, because without the drugs i would have nothing to live for. I don't have any plans for the future, and even if i did at this point i probably wouldn't be able to follow them. It sucks because i feel like im throwing away my life, but I just don't care enough to do anything about it. I feel trapped in the tedium of every day life, and powerless to do anything about it.

It's 1 AM and i should probably go to sleep, but that would mean that i have to wake up at 6 and go to school. I sleep in school, not because im tired, but just because i don't want to be there. all the negativity is really beginning to take its toll on my life, and im tired of feeling like caca..


If anyone wants to chat, feel free to PM me. talking about this sort of thing seems to help, but its hard to do that when you have no one to talk to... hence the post on an online forum... even this much is extremely difficult for me. I am one of those people that never asks for help. doesnt matter whether i need it or not, i just don't bother people with my problems.

well i think that about wraps things up.. any suggestions?