Until last Christmas, I was a perfectly normal young person, an ambitious, positive student. Then all of a sudden, I bursted into tears during lunch. I didn't feel like myself anymore. "Who am I? What's the point? Why do I live if we're all gonna die in the end?" Those scary thoughts just came into my mind and have remained ever since. Anxiety, depression and the feeling of hopelessness took over my life, and brought in nausea and weakness as well. My biggest fear is non-existence, i.e. disappearing after death forever. Ever since I've dug through NDE testimonials, parapsychology, the Bible, you name it, but it didn't ease my fears at all. And those fears are basically everything that my brain processes at the moment. I sometimes forget about them for a short while, but due to a constant feeling of derealization and misery, they come back very soon, stopping me from enjoying anything, I just think of being dead.
I was taking zithromax at the time it happened, but I was told that it couldn't cause those symptoms. I did a blood test which turned out to be in order, and I ruled out thyroid and glucose problems. I was told that vitamin B deficiency could be the cause, so I started taking B complex. It was a little better at first, but then my condition worsened again, so I increased the dosage of B12 to 100 mcg/day.
My doctor won't even listen to what I have to say - she is convinced that I went insane and wants to send me to a psychiatrist who would load me with meds and tell me to smile. It's hard to find a good mental counselor who really works with his patients in these areas, nobody seems to care.
Yet, I'm growing desperate. I have a feeling like I'll never feel happy again, all I can think of is death. I don't want to kill myself and "face my fear" - I don't see suicide as a solution, but I can't think of living like this, every day seems like a nightmare. Some advice, please??