I lost my mom about 2 weeks ago. She had cancer. She was 66 years old. I am devastated. Devastated would be an understatement. I am in a very dark and lonely place. We come from another country so I only have my father, my mom and my sister. We didnt have any family here and not many close friends. I have been very close to my mom. She was my best friend, my pillar...now all of a sudden she is gone and I feel this tremendous loss I cannot deal with. I moved in with my parents when her cancer came back about 10 months ago and I went with her to all chemos. I was with her all day long and she was actually doing pretty well. Except for having no hair, no one would have guessed she even had cancer. She ate well, we hiked, traveled, did things, went places. Then, when her last chemo cycle stopped about mid June, things went downhill about 3 weeks after that. I think the chemo was keeping the tumor activity in check and when it stopped, the tumors resumed their activity. She had about a dozen or more tumors all over her abdomen so surgery was not an option, neither was radiation, as they would have had to basically burn off her entire intestines.
My sister, dad and i kept encouraging her. When she was healthy these past 10 months we kept saying she would get fine. I was actually stupid enough to believe she would get better. I mean, who gains weight during chemo? But wrong, the chemo didnt work. After we got back from out NYC trip, she pretty much gradually began to tire out until she had to be taken to hospital. Tumors had perforated through her abdomen and she had internal bleeding. She was in the ICU for 5 days before she went into coma and then passed.
My sister and i were with her until the last day. We kissed her, embraced her, told her how much we loved her. She was on so much pain meds sometimes i dont know if she was hearing us but I think she would sense she wasnt alone. The last morning we visited her she was in a semi coma and her jaw had dropped. She was making the typical death rattle and the only thing keeping her alive were machines. The doctors said it was only a matter of hours. We went home as i could not stand by and see the machine zero out, and we got a call at 3:30 am that she had passed.
I am feeling so lonely. I am angry, scared, extremely scared, worried. I miss her soooo much. Everywhere i look, I see her: our house, the entrance to the street, the shop at the corner, all the malls, hiking routes. I cannot look at them without crying. I feel trapped. The house reminds me of her but also everything outside. I am choking and I hate waking up in the morning. My friends and people dont understand. They all have this "you gotta get over it" attitude. Or they say pray. What a joke, pray. I literally, went down on my knees for months begging god to help my mom, to let the cancer go into remission, to let her be healthy again. Nothing. How can i pray now? Pray to whom? For what? He already didnt listen the first time.
I have lost center and everything is bleak. My life looks so horrible now, like hell. I cannot enjoy anything and i keep thinking about my mom, how sweet she was, her smile, her kindness. The irony is that she was a very healthy person. No drugs, smoking, drinking even once. She would take a glass of water instead of aspirin. And then she comes out with 20 tumors growing in her gut? In what messed up world...?
I dont know what to do. Every day is a trial. I mean really a trial. I see people whose parents have died and they get over it in a month or so. Jennifer Hudson's mom, brother etc were shot dead she is now happier and bigger than ever, has baby and lost weight. I hear of people losing a parent overseas and they get over it quickly. How do people do it? I cant fathom. I am in such agony, I actually got sick. I am currently physically ill sitting here, with nausea and flu like symptoms. I can literally feel my emotional pain taking on a physical form. I am scared to the point of panic. I take xanax but it deosnt help much. I just want to be dead - waking moments are dreadful. I keep seeing her everywhere and I wonder how can go on in life without her. I just cannot believe she is gone and sometimes i seriously think in the back of my head that she'll be back until I realize that she is DEAD and is never coming back. I just cannot believe it. Please help me. I miss my mom. I know everyone says time will heal, but that doesnt help me now. I am in such agony.
Hi love. I lost my dad 6 years ago. I asure you, all the thoughts and feelings you are having are normal and the physical symptoms are a side effect of this stress. You are currently in shock and searching for answers and meaning. I felt EXACLTY the same. I know what it's like to cry so hard for so long that you don't have any tears left and even if you did, no energy to cry them out. Take each day, week, month as it comes. You WILL get there. But, you need support from family and friends so speak to them about it, don't hold it in. Remember that she is part of you and therefore you are constantly with her, nothing and no-one can ever take that away from you. Be strong for her.
I am sitting here reading your post holding back tears because your story sounds so similar to my situation. I lost my mother on Aug 16 because of cancer. She was a vegetarian and was completely healthy person which has made me super angry. It just does not seem fair that someone who took care of themselves so well would face such a devastating illness. I understand how upset you feel and I am sorry that people are telling you that you should "just get over it". It sounds like those people can not tolerate your pain and I can only imagine that it adds to your pain.
Its almost been 2months for me and I still cry for hours and miss her everyday. During this rough time I try to keep in mind that I should not compare my grief to someone else because everyone deals with their grief differently and if go that route I end up angry and disappointed with myself. I dont know if there is anything anyone could say or anything you could do to feel better right now but I know allowing my self just to feel like crap and crying relieves some of the pressure. Also I have done a lot of scrap-booking to assist me in focusing on all our happy moments together. Even though this is extremely painful it allows me to cry and let out my pain. Another thing that has helped is talking to my family and sharing how difficult this has been. But be aware that everyone grieves differently and if you dont feel understood or supported then participating in a grief support group in your area might be helpful. The worse thing is that there is no one perfect solution to cope losing your mother and I know for me that this the hardest part. And truthfully there are days that I am still mad at the world because my mom died but being mad does not bring her back so allow myself to have these feelings and let them flow out of me when they are ready. I dont believe in prayer but I do think that meditation or other forms or relaxation can help. This is the best time to do some self care. I am sure your mother would want you to take care of yourself. The best piece of advice is to give yourself time. No one can tell you how fast grieve or how to grieve. If you are angry it is normal and you have the right to feel that way, if you are sad then it is normal and you have the right to feel that way too. Whatever you are feel it is ok. I can not tell you it gets better because for me I am still grieving but I can tell you that there are better days because I have experienced a few. I wish you well.
I'm so glad i found this site. I lost my mom on October 10th and buried her on the 15th, on my daughters 23rd birthday. My mother was 72 yrs old and had numerous health problems, she was bed ridden, rhumetoid arthritis, diabetes, congestive heart failure, kidney failure, sleep apnea and a bout with throat and bladder cancer. She was in sooo much pain, but she loved life so much. She never complained, never said why me. I loved her so much and miss her deeply. Me and my brother were her primary caregivers. We were with her every day. Although i had to take care of all the funeral arrangements, i now find that i can't function without xanax. I consider my self a strong woman, a trait i received from my mother, but i cry constantly. Just this weekend i lost my debit card and my cell phone, I'm 51 yr old wreck. I told my oldest daughter that i want to be with my mother. I have two grand children (10 and 7) that i need to be strong for. I am also in management at large company and can't afford to "lose it". I can't sleep without aid, i look for her everywhere, if the wind blows, it's her,,,if the light flickers, it's her..My heart hurts so much. I'm beside myself. I feel i'm being selfish, because i know my mother is in heaven where she is not suffering anymore... she suffered for so long, over 10 years. She was such a Great woman raising 6 kids of her own as well as her younger siblings after her mom's untimely death. I cherished, admired and respected her. I also prayed that the Lord would heal my mother and spare her pain. But he had a different plan and she is in his arms now. If i want to see her again i must have the same faith she had to the end. She will always be in my heart until we reunite. I just don't know what to do until then.....
Losing your mom is horrible to go through. I lost my mom on June 24 and I still miss her every day, although the pain gets a little better as time goes on.
I'm really not looking forward to the holidays without mom this year. It'll be rough, but our family will support each other and go on. My mom would want us to go on. She'd always say, "don't worry about me".
Good luck to everyone who's going through the loss of their mom.
I lost my mum two weeks ago and I find it difficult to get on with my day. She was sick for the last 5 years. She suffered a lot the last few months and I am glad she is not suffering anymore. I cried every day and i miss her so much.I try to keep busy so I can't think too much.
elle i feel your pain. i just loss my mom (best friend) on dec. 31st 2010. all i do is cry for her i too am taking xanax and at first i thought it was helping but now i don't think anything can help. i don't know how to get through this pain. everyone tells me to think of the good times, or to try to get back to my normal routine, my normal was spending every day with my mom, or talking on the phone with her. when people ask is there anything i can do for you i just want to scream ya "BRING MY MOM BACK". i just wanted you to know that i feel your pain. and i agree,its a bunch of crap that time will heal all. the only thing that can heal me is gone for good and it brakes my heart:(
I lost my mom to colon cancer Sept 23rd. 2010. She was 57. What's worse than people asking "Is there anything I can do for you?", is coming up to you talking to you about your mom and how sad they are, she didn't deserve this etc, then they start crying as if I'm supposed to comfort them! What the hell, I'm finally having a good moment and then they bring me down again! What the is wrong with people? Do these people actually think that they are going trough as much pain as me that they can go ahead and release on me? I don't get it. Whatever, I think I'm probably just bitter and pissed.
One peace of advice I can give you is keeping her alive anyway you can. For me this means not being afraid to talk about memories of her that made you smile (especially funny things that she did or said) with friends and family (especially my dad), looking at pictures and especially home videos if you have them, not being afraid to go places that remind you of her, writing her a letter and putting it by her picture, etc. Even if these things make you cry horribly at first, you have to do it. Why? You're not going to ever get over her. That's not the point. You can't have the "got to get over it" attitude. This is how I see it: "I will always love my mom, more than anything and I will think about her everyday as hard is it may be, but I will not let her die. She will live on in everything that she ever gave me, everything that she has touched, effected, done, made, loved...She was my mom...she IS my mom and I will meet with her again someday."
My mom died last week from colon cancer. I've always been a very strong person, but I'm a wreck right now. My heart is broken, and I feel so empty and lost. I loved my mother so much. I keep wanting to pick up the phone and call her; she's always been the one I go to when I feel down and out.
It's easy to blame God and ask "why did He let this happen?" Open the Bible and read about Lazarus. We may not ever understand God's plan during our lives on this earth, but He is in control and he does have a plan. Trust Him.
Thank God for the blessings of what time you had with your mom and that she was your mom and for the promise of everlasting life through and in HIM, and have that faith you will see her again. I lost my mom 22 days ago to cancer... I feel your pain but I have faith in what God tells us and I know where my mom is...and that I will see her again.. If you dont trust God who can you trust? God doesnt say there wont be trials and sufferings but he does promise us everylasting life through accepting Jesus as our savior and to be there to lean on him and to take it to him. Hope you are getting through things better since your post. I know mine will be a long journey and is fresh hurt since my mom passed 22 days ago but it is something we must go through. God Bless..
My mom died of ovarian cancer December 12, 2010. It has been very sad. I feel empty and like in a "limbo". Each person grieves differently so there is not a specific time to "get over it"... I dislike that term. I have noticed that people do not know how to make feel people better after such a tragedy and they usually tend to give "advise". I can only say that crying as much as you can will help, I practice meditation as well, which has helped a little. When I am not focused on doing something is when the emptyness shows up. Then I feel lost. My massage therapist suggested to allow my self to feel lost. Just recognising what you are feeling and allowing yourself to grieve without judgement or what others think. They don't know what you are going through. Not much to tell you since we are in the same situation, just my thoughts and a cyber hug to you.
What can we do? Be thankful for the time we had both good and bad. Life is but a wink of an eye when you get down to it.
When my father died several weeks and months afterward I had experiences and signs that he was actually still here. No one would believe it if I told them but I felt his presence often. situations that would appear to have only bad out comes would mysteriously work out,,,then I'd hear is voice.
I've had the same thing happen just a day after my mom's passing.
Our parents can't help but look out for us even after their death...
I know that every one here has their own angels.
Lost my mom a month ago to stage 4 lung cancer. I saw her take her last breath at home with family surrounding her. I never seen anyone die in front me, nor did I think it would be mom. When she took her last breath it was a sense of peace but at the same time so much hurt. I was screaming and yelling and my husband had to hold me back. I saw them take her body from the house and that moment I lost it all. My mom would never come home again. Everything in that house reminds me of her. Im still in the process of cleaning out her closet but I can only do so much at one time and really I dont want to get rid of her clothing. I smell her shirts and I can still smell her. I cry everyday and I don't know if this hurt will ever go away. I'm angry that god took her from us and angry that she got lung cancer when she wasn't even a smoker. Everyone says time will heal the pain but I don't know... I still think she's at home and I can call her to take the kids shopping and lunch. It totally hasn't hit me yet. I miss her my heart feels it aching. I just want to scream at god. I remember the last thing she said to be before she past. She said she's sorry she couldn't do all the things she wanted for me and my younger brother, but she said god is calling to her. She wasn't suppose to go. She wanted to live and watch her grandkids grow. I feel as though I didn't get much time with her. I'm 29 and my brother is 26. My brother got to see my mom pass before heading to Afghanistan. He wanted to say goodbye before he left. I'm crying as I'm posting this but I'm hurting and it's really nice to find a site where others are going through the same loss and pain.