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Dealing with the loss of my Mam

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October 24th, 2011
Hi,

I lost my Mam October 29th 2009, her 2 year anniversary is this Saturday. She died aged 49 of breast cancer and I never got to say goodbye to her properly, she was rushed into a hospital on a Sunday and died that Thursday I had been in London on a weekend break with my friends and when I came home my brother told me she was taken into hospital. I had always known Mam was sick but she had beat cancer twice before and I guess I always imagined she would beat it again, I was 23 years old when she passed away. I have 3 brothers and my Dad and it has been surreal without Mam around. I really took my Mam's death very badly and I went to Australia on my own 11 months after she died, I couldn't handle how different our lives were without her. I am now back from travelling and I guess the reality of Mam not being with us anymore is starting to hit me all over again. I guess in a weird way I thought maybe she would be here when I got back and that it was all just a bad nightmare. My Mam was my best friend and although I have friends and great brothers and my Dad, I feel unbelievably alone without her when things were bad I would always run to Mam and she would help me through everything. Now don't get me wrong Mam and me had the same normal Mother and Daughter relationship as anybody else we had our arguments but I guess I just feel now that I am that bit older and more mature we could have had so many wonderful things to do together. In a way I feel robbed, I miss her so much and wish I could tell ehr how much she meant to me.
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Starwynn
replied October 24th, 2011
I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm not an expert, but I lost my mom in a quick non-natural way that disallowed me closure. She was a dear friend to me, too - so I completely understand how you feel. Sometimes I just want to call mom and tell her something, just to realize that I can't. So sometimes I just write a letter to her, or talk as if she's there. I'm fully aware that she will never get the letter, and that I'm talking to the air - but somehow it helps me. My own mom told me that there is no loss like that of losing your own mom, from whom you actually, literally came. She said it to me when she lost her mom, and she was right as I learned when I lost her. I hope that soon you get the feeling that she is right there with you, in your heart. Remember, her very blood runs through you as you carry her physically through you in the form of your genetic inheritance. You honor her through your deep love of her, and while I can't offer a lot of advice, I do understand and hear you.
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ionlyhaveonemom
replied November 22nd, 2011
my name is i only got one mother is lost my mom oct 29 2011 @ 10:40am Louisian time my mom had alzheimer she was 72yrs old im 46 im the youngest of three sibling my brother is in prison my sister lives and alternative life and she cut us off over 16 years ago we never judge her but she just disappeared anyway it has been very hard 4 me my mom passed away i was not there i was o.o.t visiting my daughters which i have (4) and my grandchildren which i have 3 me and my mom wasnt always so close but at the end of the day she was my mother and the old saying that u only have one has hit me hard. the fact that i was not there with her is really hard 4 me i tried my best to be everywhere she was fine i call and check on her daily she just took a turn for the worse and i thought she would be fine they said she was dehydrated and running a temp she had a bad bed sore from being down they took care of my mother well we kept her at home as long as we could even the my mom was in the bad stage of alzheimer and in her mind she didnt know what was goin on i think in her heart she new my mom died alone and thats wats hurts me so deeply i guess i will feel better one day but for now i am more than sad and dont talk about it at all because it makes me cry. and i have to save face for my kids i dont want them worrying about me so my loss is deep and it is painful i love my mom she took care of me swell im gonna miss her so much
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