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Dealing with someone who has paranoid schitzophrenia ? (Page 1)

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My mother in law I believe has paranoid schitzophrenia. I was told she was diagnosed with it years before I came into the picture. I did some research on it and it describes her to a "T". Obviously as it describes her to a "T" she is in denial of it as that is common. How do you get someone to go to the doctor, admit to this, get the medicine, and take the medicine. She makes my life a living hell!!! She thinks everyone is plotting against her including me. She thinks everyone is planting seeds into her head. She thinks numerous people are capable of murder and I know these people aren't. Its crazy. I don't know how much more of her I can take. I have to put her mental disorder into consideration. What do I do??? I'm tired of assumtions being made on me. She literally sent my husband (her son) numerous emails and they were outrageously long, with nothing but lies about me. This is before I knew her disorder, I couldn't imagine someone being able to think of some of the things she said about me with their imagination. Didn't know someone would have that much time on their hands. So whats a person to do? Oh and she denies now after confronting her of them that she ever wrote them, even though they are in front of her! I feel for her but its making my life hell, I need to know what to do or if I as a daughter in law have any way of dealing with this.
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First Helper antigone
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replied April 23rd, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Yikes, I've been there. My ex mother in law was mentally ill. She was paraniod, delusional, experiencing hallucinations. We were living with her so I bore the brunt of her paranoia and rage. We did an intervention and had her committed. This was over 20 yrs ago so I don't know how relevant that is today. The outcome was not as we had hoped. It created resentment, anger and further rage. I insisted that we move out. Things were never good with her.

I don't know that there is anything you can do to force her into treatment. She needs to do this voluntarily unless she is a danger to herself or others.

Have a discussion with your husband. Be honest with him and tell him how her behavior is effecting you. Tell him you know she was diagnosed with schizophrenia years ago. This disorder does not go away. It may lay latent and then resurface with new episodes. Left untreated the disorder will only worsen. See if you can appeal to him. You both need to set limits with her. Don't allow her to be in your lives so intimately. He needs to be aware of her paranoia and recognize that his mother is ill. In this illness she will sabotage your marriage. She may feel threatened by you. This will cause her to target you. Your husband needs to have an awareness of how this illness works and how to deal with the behaviors that result from the illness. A good therapist that has experience with schizophrenia can offer support, insight and advice. Both of you should see someone.

I hope this helps. My situation was not good and the ending was not good and we did not live happily ever after - together at least. Self preservation kicks in and you need to take care of you. Hugs to you.
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Users who thank antigone for this post: sadfacejoyce 

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replied April 23rd, 2008
Especially eHealthy
I think antigone about covered it. It can be a tricky situation though...

make sure you don't step on any of the family member's toes along the way, that can get sticky (I've been there)
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replied April 23rd, 2008
Experienced User
In spite of being pretty sick, I never had a period where I was not aware of it. Being sick and not even knowing it must be pretty harsh for everyone around you as well as yourself.
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replied March 20th, 2012
Wow, but isnt that classed as not being schizophrenic because u are aware of the sitiuation / hallutions etc, ive read up on it and what ive read said that if u are aware of it u have a schizo type disorder related to the illnes, i guess my question / thing im trying to get at is can u be aware of most / all of whats going on and still have or be classed as a schizophrenic?
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replied April 2nd, 2012
Hello Rock..you can know that you are sick and still have schizophrenia. I have helped treat both at the hospital I work in. The ones who do not know they are sick,from experience, are much harder to treat, and it is definitely much harder on their families as well. =(
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replied April 26th, 2012
Recognizing illness / delusions
No. Some schizophrenics ARE aware and insightful about their own illness. Others arent.

There've been studies correlating IQ and/or disease intervention + treatment (meaning getting diagnosed / treated at 19 when symptoms appear vs. thirty after worsening symptoms have been there for a couple of years) with degrees of individual patient's anosognosia--their lack of insight / awareness into their illness.
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replied April 27th, 2012
Active User, very eHealthy
They think that I have insight.

But I lied to them.

How could I tell them what it was.?

Some things I was honest about in a way, like a hallucination, I can tell them honestly that I've had them, although we mean completely different things. Have to speak their language to them, I could never say to them that a spirit grabbed hold of what I was seeing and appeared on the television grinning and strutting around.

I couldn't tell them that apparently the voices know the outcome of the superbowl every year.

If a schizophrenic has 'insight' into his illness, then they don't have insight into their illness, because they don't have an illness, you could never call this a disease.

So, if they "admit" that they are sick what are they doing exactly? Either being stupi# or lying to you.

Did you know they are discovering scientifically what our brains look like when ghosts are in them.?

There are physically measureable effects on the body when, like myself, their is a spirit speaking with you in your mind, causing you to hear and see things, making you look at the clock at the same time over and over, freaking you out by threatening you and your family, not letting you sleep for an entire month.

You might even say it was murderous, could even make a person a little paranoid. Esp. when some guy that wants to take you to church shows up and knows somehow that you are being haunted, it was obvious that they told him isn't it. So he wanted to take me to the christian church, while the demon speaking with me told me all about it. Which is quite strange, they are supposed to lie to you about it aren't they?
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replied May 18th, 2008
schizophrenia
Yes i understand what you're going through. Paranoid schizophrenia is one of the most difficult things to deal with. I reckon it could be even more emotionally draining than a physical illness itself.

My sister is diagnosed with schizophrenia 8 years ago, but she had a relapse after her divorce and refusing to continue medication about a year ago. She thinks that a couple of family members are out to harm her, especially me. She has called the police to arrest me 2 weeks back, and has filed a court order against an 84 year old aunt last month. The court hearing is this week. She has recently been warded for professional treatment, but we still have lots to deal with, and hopefully get the case dismissed. My mum just passed on, and she is accusing me of killing her now. It's very sad because we love her very much, and we have never been nasty towards her.

We have to understand that her perceptions aren't really coming from the person suffering from it. I realise that the more we try to correct her perceptions about things, the more anger is built up against us. It is hard but we have to try not to disagree with them but to try see it from their point of view. Conversations are best kept to an abstract level, without exactly agreeing or disagreeing with the person. Cheeriness helps too, as they are often sensitive and would interpret any signs otherwise as negative.

Please stay strong and take good care.
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replied September 6th, 2008
schizophrenia
I work at a hospital for the mentally ill. It is a short term emergency facility designed to stabilize patients and assist them and their family as they cope with many different mental disorders. It is quite clear that your mother in law needs to be admitted to a facility like this one. I don't know where you live but in NY a person can be involuntarily committed to a mental institution for 72 hours in a procedure called a two PC involuntary admit in which two physicians both evaluate a patient separately for admission and determine that they need emergency care. In all facilities like these (and most hospitals as well) as long as the individual enters the hospital he/she would not be able to leave without medical approval (i.e. until they became complaint with meds and made a clear improvement).

My best advice would be to talk with your husband about this and try to get him to understand how her illness is affecting you as well as the rest of the family. He may have a hard time accepting the fact that she is as ill as she is and needs treatment and you should take care in the way that you present all this information to him (i.e. don't place blame, emphasize that you want her in a hospital so she can get better because you care etc).

this is a good website to check out http://www.schizophrenia.com/family/mansym ptoms.htm

also while looking into hospitals in your area try to find a psych hospital that provides emergency care, if you can't find one of those a regular hospital will make sure that she doesn't leave until they can evaluate her and determine that she's needs more specialized care. Then they can admit her and ensure she doesn't leave while they find placement for her in a hospital that specializes in psychiatric care or in a long term institution that can give her the proper care that she clearly needs.

I know that this must be difficult for you it is hard not to take her accusations personally but you must try not to get confrontational because that will only make it worse especially if she's paranoid. Do not place blame and try to remember that she in fact may not recall any of the horrible things that she has said or done because of her illness

I hope this helps, if you need any other information you can PM me
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replied August 3rd, 2009
How do u live with someone with paranoid schzephernia
I am living with my bf and his mother his brother suffers from this I am considering leaving as he will bang on the door to wake us up tampers with our food of not eats it, this morning before I left he ran to the front door to stand in my way and when I said hello lied and said I find then went on to rush me out the house, shouting out jamo(as I am jamaican) and slamming the front door, now tell me how does someone deal with that:,-(
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replied August 3rd, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
Put them in a hospital, put them in a home.
Thats that, just get rid of them.
And everyone will be happier.
Its so simple and easy to see, just put them away.
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replied March 5th, 2014
Well lets hope you never end up suffering with a serious mental illness or worse it could come out in your kids or grandchildren! If of course someone as cold as you could find anyone to have children with! Do you have the same attitude towards people suffering with cancer or heart problems? Or do you save it all for those whose brains are ill through no fault of their own! I hope you end up old and alone in life because that is what someone so cold and heartless deserves!! Lets just hope nothing happens to your brain in the future - now that would be poetic!!
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replied August 4th, 2009
Just wanted to say that everyone with schizophrenia does NOT need to be locked away in a hospital or put in a home.Many people,with good treatment and support,can live decent lives and be safe to be around.Every person is different.
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Users who thank taketen for this post: starship33  Christina2011  sasha_firewolf 

replied December 19th, 2009
My Boss has something wrong with her and I am now convinced she is suffering from Paranoid Schizophrenia and driving all of us crazy, on a daily basis. Her symptoms are getting worse on a daily basis and she is in complete denial. I have worked with her for years and used to try and get her to think logically, intelligently and it never worked. Many employees have got fed up and just exploded on her... yelling at her. This would put her in tears, she would be OK for a few days and revert back to the paranoia, constantly talking to her self and displaying irrational, non logical thought patterns when in any conversation.

She has gotten worse and has been demoted to just an Artist, like me. Since she is no longer Art Director, she denies that the change in position ever occurred and is now flaunting a superiority complex over me. The worst of it is that this individual has a bad reputation of constant complaining... about anything and everything and will even make-up a problem if it does not exist, never offering solutions, and dwelling on perceived problems. I may just quit the job soon and be done with it! It is not easy dealing with someone like this on a daily basis at all.
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replied December 20th, 2009
I just tried to post a big reply to all this and I got cut off. In a condensed summary,this subject and some of the posts really hit home to me. I have never been diagnosed with schizophrenia but I've been diagnosed with bipolar depression and I've been through hell with it. As I stated before,everyone is different and everybody has different personalities. I definitely understand that it can be very hard at times dealing with or trying to help a person with a so-called mental illness. I know my parents and family were confused about how to help me at times, and it's especiaaly hard when the person won't accept treatment with medication. BUT, everybody has different personalities. Some people can drive you crazy and other people might do some strange things you don't understand,but can still be nice people and just have some problems-and that's true of everyone on the planet and not just people who have schizophrenia. And try to see things from their point of view and what they may have been through themselves. It's not easy to have a mental illness, who wants to be told they have shcizophrenia? And nobody likes to be forced to take medication either. Please don't judge a person just because we're "mentally ill". From our point of view, it's hell to deal with the stigma.
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replied January 1st, 2010
I am dealing with my wife of 17 yrs who recently started making accuzations toward me about cheating, lying, and hiding things. Despite everything she finds, after proof that i am not, she still insists that they are true. I have been completely faithful and honest, i have even scheduled a polygraph test for next week. She is now saying that i have girls in the attic and basement hiding. She thinks i have secret emails, devices, and is forever thinking i want to kill her. I have documented over 75 incidents since Thanksgiving. She went thru drug detox back in september for Opiate addiction. Is this paranoia caused from brain chemicals effected by the procedure? I love her with all my heart. We have three kids and all she tells them is that she wants a divorce bc i am lying. I have read the symptoms and she matches every one perfect. What do i do? Please help.
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replied May 2nd, 2012
@cnb3gray
my mom suffers from the same thing i believe. she thinks my dad is having an affair and that the woman lives in our attic. she also thinks this woman has a child and the woman does not take care of the child. she brings up food to the attic to feed the kid and woman. she gets up in the middle of the night to yell upstairs at this woman.
now she is getting neighbors involved, saying that one neighbor husband is having an affair with the same woman. she has been spreading this rumor around the neighborhood for the past month or so. i dont know what to do. she doesn't think anything is wrong with her. would it be wrong to tell her that her doc said she needs to go to the hospital?
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replied January 13th, 2010
Hi cnb3gray
Don't waste your time with a polygraph. No matter what you do to prove yourself not gulity. It will only reinforce your wives belief that you are gulity as she has stated. I have been Married for close to 40 years. My wife has parinoid Schizoprenia she was under a doctors care and taking meds for about 18 years. Our daughter moved back home and convenced my wife to quit taking the meds and not go to the doctor. She convenced her I was the problem and my situation went into the gutter real quick. I had to move out about 2 years ago and my wife filed for a divorce shortly after. I have been through hell with trying to get her help. Everyone that I have talked to has had recomendations. I have tried them all. None of the recomendations have proved to help. Everyone is afraid of violating my wifes "Civil Liberty" They are not concerned about any of my rights. I get the feeling I have no rights at all.
I didn't go through with the divorce because I was told that my wife was not capable of making this type of a decision because of her mental problem. She was uninsureable and would loose all her medical benifits if the divorce was finalized. I had a motion filed with the court to dismiss the divorce. I still live in a 1 bed room apt and try to check on her every week or so. I have called the sheriff for a welfare check twice now. both times it has backfired and the sheriff office personal have Not lived up to their training. They have told me that my wife has answered the "Questions Correctly" on both occasions. As you can see... WE ARE IN THE SAME BOAT... Good Luck!!!!!
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replied March 2nd, 2010
My romeo has paranoid schizophrenia. ;(
My boyfriend of ten years was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia almost one year ago. He has not been compliant with the meds since then. He has been in and out of hospitals for treatment. They wont keep him in the hospital they say he is ok for outpt treatment i tell them no! They dont listen. I am very angry and upset because this has put a toll on me. he has been wondering the streets for days His familyand I have no clue where he is. to my knowledge he is not in danger to anyone or himself. He has been talking alot about people trying to harm him, people are after him and that i am against him.Everytime he would go into the hospital for crisises he would leave always saying the cops are comming for him and the people there are up to no good he doesnt trust anyone. He doesnt sleep hes up all night looking out the window seeing if people are watching him. I dont know what else to do our relationship is dyeing. I dont know how to over come this problem I have no help and really not alot of support. Why has this happened? We dont live together but i have givin all his belongings tohis family who dont really support him at all. I just want him to get help and understand he has a problem. Im afraid we are not going to be together or have a future! This annoys me because this has been our plan in live to be together forever marry have children and oneday die together. Those plans seem to be fading away. Please I dont know what to do.
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replied March 19th, 2012
I understand what you are going thru. I was in a relationship with my ex for 5 years and I am just now figuring out he has Paronoid Schizophrenia. At first I was like something must be wrong with him. He would accuse me of cheating and lying when I have been faithful the whole time. He was shot in the head when he was 17 and every since then he has been a harm to hisself and others. He thought his best friend was trying to harm him and he held him and his wife hostage. The judicial system never tried to help him by making him seek psychiatric help now 17 years later he will not seek help, he thinks I am the problem when I am the only one he has. His mother will not be in his life and has never had a successful relationship with a woman, everyone just writes him off, I finally figured out after doing research he has this illness. He got violent with me and now he is in jail however I explained all this to the DA and they still just gave him jail time. I can no longer be there for him I am afraid for me and my childrens safety I pray he gets the help he needs
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replied May 11th, 2010
What do you think I should do.
My dad has paranoid schizophrenia and I really want to help him. It is only making me upset to see him the way he is. He lives in another country, but do you think I should take action after my degree (one more year) and look after him? I find my paternal family too conservative and cold to directly discuss what he is going through, and my maternal family simply ignorant and rude and very discouraging with my desire to help him.

He is a very harmless man although he is rather persistent in his leaflet distribution. He is on medication and I think the govt. health (NZ) does whatever it does on the bare minimum to assist him.

Is there anyone who knows how else I can help him. Being there would help wouldn''t it?
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replied July 29th, 2010
Mother with paranoia
My mother suffers from Paranoia and most likely something else. I am 22 and she has had this for many years and i must say it it physically and emotionally hard to deal with and maintain any patience with someone like this. I've gotten to the point where i need to go to a therapist myself because i have so much anger built inside of me and i feel like her next action may cause me to seriously snap. She steals all the time (cars, money. you can't leave the car keys or your wallet around), refuses to accept that she does, dresses up and goes to work acting foolish, like putting sparkles on her face. Whenever we confront her she calls us the devil and she will start "speaking in tongues" loudly and yell back. Or she will break down and cry making you feel like an idiot cause you know deep down inside yelling isn't the answer. She believes that especially, my grandmother and i are out to get her. Anything we do or say is seen as being "against her". we have "never loved her". Inspite of everything my grandmother has done to prove the contrary. Like raise her kids, taking her in, buying her cars. My mother wants for nothing neither do we. She has a serious problem with men, putting them and their priorities above her family. When we were young and she had a new man she would wake up and fix him breakfast but not fix it for anyone else, ish like that. She always attracted the same men, ones who would beat her. It got to the point when i could predict the time and place of one of her arguments with her boyfriend. I remember myself chasing men who would beat her because i was forced to be the "man" of the house after my dad bailed. When Children and youth came, i testified against her because not so much for myself but because i didn't want my younger siblings to continue to be a witness to that.And to this day she hates me for it. She just refuses to see how any of her actions affects our family. Each of us kids has anger problems and lack of patience, along with a various other string of problems, being it in school or in sports, etc. I find i can't really talk to other individuals about this as you really can't understand unless you have been through it. People say "hang in there", which i realize they don't know how to react, but it makes you want to cut them off for being unable to help you. We no longer live with her but with our grandmother and she lives with us. Each day it is something.
She loves to quote us the Bible if we are watching a movie and tell us how we are sinners, and somethimes she has a valid point but it is very hard to recieve anything from her because she is the ultimate hyporcite. O did i also mention she is a bible study instructor now too??? An individual thing of course not through a church. She has been kicked out of many a church, which i don't agree with, but i do understand. There are so many things i can't even write... I spoke with someone who is a counselor and they say you have to be patient and loving and let her know that no matter what she does you will be there and for a while i tried that and it did work, but my immaturity and anger has kept me from staying on that path and I feel there has to be distance from her. Not necessarily physically but emotionally.
For those that suggests cutting these types off, well you have a seriously mistaken understanding of the complexity with this disease. In spite of everything she is still my mother and we are not going to put her in the streets because she does not possess the ability to take care of herself which would involve her getting into something bad or i can honestly say lead to her death. When i was younger i had a recurring dream that my mother was hanging in our kitchen and that image still haunts me to this day. But i feel like spiritually this is what has happened to my mother. Someone else has inhabited her body, because who she was is dead. She snapped after her divorce.
Not only is it hard to remove her but as a christian i know that if i don't overcome my anger towards her, ill be battling the same spirit over and over, in different forms.
And yea we have tried forced treatments, etc but when admitted they say her problem is not serious enough to warrant forced admittance and she has been diagnosed years ago with paranoia.
Good luck to allt hose dealing with this!!!!
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replied July 27th, 2012
hi miss mae, so sorry to hear about your troubles wit your mum. I have a Mother, a cousin and a friend with this condition, it's awful. u mention you are a christian, try reading about King Saul who was quite unstable. Even tried to kill his own son Jonathon when he thought he was plotting with David. A book called: Sons of Encouragement by Francine Rivers Helped me to see this story in a new light and learn how to "Honour My Parent" even though she seems so dishonourable. God Bless you, ask him to continually fill you and your gran with his spirit, to give you all a peace beyond understanding
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replied August 18th, 2010
saying no
A long term friend of our family , we believe, has Paranoid Schizophrenia. She's been homeless for a while now and has been staying in a homeless shelter. Most of her family has given up on her, since she's very aloof and in denial of her problem and doesn't want to seek professional help. She doesn't have a job or insurance or a home. And now she's trying to come to my house when its' too hot outside or too cold, etc. to seek a place to take a nap, a shower, a meal, whatever. but i have two small children and i can't keep exposing them to her and be a place for her to stay. Its just hard for me to tell her no when she stops by my house becasue she's extrememly malnourished now and looks very helpless and sickly. And I've known her for years, I grew up with her sons (who are estranged from her). But its sad to see her like this , but i need help telling her that she can't come here anymore. She's manipulative and taking advantage of me I think cuz i can't say NO. Any thoughts/advice?
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replied September 15th, 2010
my mom has a problem
I know how you all feel. I am 20 and my mom has had Paranoid schitzphrenia for five years and it is terrible. If you just found out your loved one has it hang in there and what ever you do dont try to convince them that they have a problem. I wish that I had been told that advice because it allows you to still have their trust and listen to their dilusions. Which is hard but it is all they want most of all which is to be heard. You dont have to agree with what they say just listen and tell them that you are concerned for their safty. Which feeds into their delusions and then tell them that they should talk to a therapest to get help on dealing with other people. Then explain to the theorapest the situation and incourage them to help her to admit that she has a problem and take medicine. I am saying to do these because I wish that she had seen someone and maybe things would be different for her now. She left her devoted housband after 25 yrs. and has pushed my brother away and I am stuck having to care for her. It is a difficult job because she is so unpradictable and iratic. She was an amazing person and now she is just a hollow shell of that person. I am so blessed that I can still see her and take care of her because a hollow shell is better than no mom at all. I just hope that you try to be nice and kind and remind them of your love because it is a sad world for them. You can potensially help them.
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replied March 12th, 2011
I understand completly my husband was diagnosis in September 2010. I was in denial but I was thinking about over the years he did show symptons. This illness is very hard on a love one and the patient. I have finally got him to take the medicine and see the doctor. Day by day is dealing less moments of rage.
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replied April 18th, 2011
Good7Hula
My husband is in the process of being diagnosed.This started around 2/4 after my husband was put under laughing gas during oral surgery. He says I am living in hell and he's on vacation. I would love to know what miracle helped your husband take his meds. My husband mentions (when he was home) that his head hurts and wants help, but when it comes down to it he will not accept whats really going on with him. I am trying my best to keep our life together. We have our own business and i'm keeping it together without loosing everything we have. He has gone on shopping sprees and donating money etc. He is about to be admitted to a hospital VERY soon without his knowledge which hurts me more than you can imagine, but I want my husband back ;(. Please pray he will help himself and I would take all the advise I can get.
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replied April 28th, 2011
Paranoid Schizophrenia
My father has paranoid schizophrenia. He has always been paranoid, and has cameras all around his house, and walks around outside during the night to make sure people aren't watching his house, but when he gets really stressed it gets worse. He had a bad episode about a week ago, when my grandmother went into the hospital, and the doctors weren't sure how much time she had left. When he left the hospital he went missing for three days. We finally got a phone call from him saying when he left the government was following him, so he had to ditch his car and run on foot to hide.. He said there were at least 30 people and helicopters surrounding him. He also through away his cell phones(he usually has about 3 because he thinks the government will listen in on his conversations). A few years back he wanted to get furniture, and freaked out when the delivery guy asked for his address, so we left because he thought the delivery guy was out to get him too.. It's very hard to deal with, because to them everything that's going on in their mind is really happening..
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