We are lucky that there are four of us to
help out, even though none of us is in the
same city as my mom. It must be
frustrating for you trying to do it all
for your grandmother.
And my mom does have the pwr of atty,
health care directives and will in order.
But as long as she is deemed mentally
capable, those don't enter into the
equation at all. We still have to deal
with her stubbornness and her insistence
on returning home. We think she'll be in
rehab well into April so at least that
gives us some time.
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^Serenity^
Moderator
Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Posts: 1383
Thanks: 133
Thanked:154
Posted: 02-27-08 15:33pm
I know what you mean about the
stubbornness, some days are better than
others with grandma. It has been very hard
to see how much she has declined, the
confusion it's all hard, but that said I
would never walk away knowing she is in
this state of mind now.
Sometimes I get phone calls ALL day asking
the same questions over and over then by
the time my husband comes home I'm
mentally exhausted.
I'm glad you hear so many are helping you.
It's just my mom and I not to mention my
step dad and my own husband and kids who
help when they can but most of it falls on
me to set up appointments, making sure she
has her medications, bills are being paid,
etc..
My mom has her own set of health problems
also, so we take turns doing what we can
and I got aides in to help us out to take
out once in a while and to keep her
company.
I use to get to see her 3 times a week now
I'm lucky if it's once a week with all my
doctor appointments.
Life is hard today it's another rough one
for me.
Sorry I'm venting it's not even the right
place (forum) to do this.
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Galaxy
Supporter
Joined: 15 Mar 2006 Posts: 512 Location: U.K,
Thanks: 5
Thanked:0
Stop it! Posted: 02-27-08 15:47pm
Butterfly, that's twice you have
apologised on this thread! You have a
perfect right to vent! Go on, vent some
more! If people don't want to listen,
they can jump to another thread. But I,
at least, am listening because I am going
through the same stuff just now. And I am
sure many others are, too. And Admin is going
to get us a nice new forum for this,
aren't you, Admin?
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^Serenity^
Moderator
Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Posts: 1383
Thanks: 133
Thanked:154
Posted: 02-27-08 15:58pm
Thank you.
How are you holding up?
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Galaxy
Supporter
Joined: 15 Mar 2006 Posts: 512 Location: U.K,
Thanks: 5
Thanked:0
Posted: 02-27-08 16:11pm
Well, my parents are aging quite rapidly
now after a severe illness that hit them
both at the same time. I feel bad that I
cannot offer them more help as I work full
time and do not live very close to them.
When I do go there (every weekend) within
a few minutes I can feel my stress level
going up because the dynamic between them
is changing now to intense irritation with
each other whereas until recently they
were a happy loving couple. I think they
are both afraid of being left alone as
well as of leaving the other. I spend
around 10 hours there every weekend and
come away feeling good that I have helped
them and made a difference, but within a
day or so the guilt starts again ...
I know this is happening everywhere to
people of my age - I know that the time
has arrived now when decisions are going
to have to be made but I don't want to be
the one to have to do it. I know if it
were me, no matter how frail or
incapacitated I felt, I would still rather
be in my own home. It makes me feel sad
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^Serenity^
Moderator
Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Posts: 1383
Thanks: 133
Thanked:154
Posted: 02-27-08 19:26pm
I fully understand what you are going
through. It is hard seeing them decline,
when we get to see our loved ones we are
busy making sure the bills get paid (I do
this also for her), medication is being
taken (I can tell when she is not taking
it), she still lives in her home but we
are working on getting her into senior
housing.
I was able to get some help in the house
as I mentioned in a previous post.
Is this an option for you, to get help in
the house during the week for your
parents?
It takes time to find the right match with
a homemaker, nurse, aide, etc..but once I
see it's working it eases a little bit
for me with the stress. The problem is
also other family members who dump their
problems on my grandmother. She doesn't
need that. They need to grow up but that
will never happen.(This a whole other
story). The others in the family are so
oblivious to what is going on but when the
day comes she is no longer with us,they
will be the first ones with the oh this
and that bull with their hand out. They
are in for a rude awakening. They do irk
me.
I know it's gross to talk about when a
person passes on but it's a fact that
people come out of nowhere looking for
what they think is rightfully theirs in
their mind anyway. I've seen this before
and it's very selfish and sickening. To me
if they can not be their to help out when
times are tough then don't bother coming
around at all.
I know the guilt all to well also. That
just shows how much we love them and want
the best for our dear elderly family
members. I stay up at night wondering what
is going to happen? Why do they have to
decline like this? I cry often, it was the
hardest thing losing my grandpa who took
over the place of my own father (who
walked out of my life). And to know this
is what is in store for most of us, it
really stinks.
I'm here anytime you need to talk.
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jean5450
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Feb 2008 Posts: 3
Posted: 02-27-08 23:14pm
If my mom goes back to her home, we'd have
to get some sort of help, too. Is your
grandma able to use the toilet herself?
It seems that if they are not mobile
enough to get to the bathroom, 24-hr care
would be needed. If they can do at least
that much, then it shouldn't be too hard
finding someone to come to the home and
cook/clean, etc. What hours do you have
an aide come? Is it just once a day?
I guess another common problem would be if
they need to take meds three times a day,
but don't remember. Would that require
round-the-clock care also?
Those things make me think assisted living
would be better for my mom than returning
to her home.
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^Serenity^
Moderator
Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Posts: 1383
Thanks: 133
Thanked:154
Posted: 02-28-08 08:37am
Hi
She is able to use the toilet on her own.
Commodes are also an option. We have help
going in 4 times week. Help is available
24/7 if needed. In your case with your mom
getting hurt, it should be recommended by
the doctor that someone check on her or be
with her.
As for the med's there is a unit that
reminds them to take their medications by
alerting them with a tone or voice
activated. The nurse would set this up or
even a family member can do this. We have
not gotten this yet but I am looking into
this also. This way here we know the med's
are being taken (hopefully not thrown out
though).
It wouldn't hurt to look into this as an
option, in the end it's what you really
feel is safest for your mom. I know it's a
very hard decision to make.
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^Serenity^
Moderator
Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Posts: 1383
Thanks: 133
Thanked:154
Posted: 03-19-08 15:16pm
How is everyone doing caring for their
elders?
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aflsh
Supporter
Joined: 26 May 2007 Posts: 451 Location: Souris, MB Canada
Thanks: 18
Thanked:9
Posted: 04-07-08 14:19pm
We recently had a family meeting with my
mom and her home care facilitator. She
now has a nurse come every morning and
give her a.m. meds, and she leaves her
p.m. meds out for her. She has macular
degeneration. We didn't realize she was
even having trouble until we stayed with
her for my brothers wedding. My brother
noticed that pills were all over the floor
and in the sink. Apparently, she didn't
even realize that she wasn't taking all
her meds. She never said a word!! I had
to phone her home care and get the help
for her. I just can't get in to be with
her as much as I should. I really don't
think mom would even let me stay with her
and help, even for a while. She is very
independent and stubborn. She is willing
to let home care help though. She goes to
Adult day care once a week and seems to
enjoy the socializing, and meeting new
people. Should I be thinking about trying
to move her, or what???
Go on, vent some
more! If people don't want to listen,
they can jump to another thread. But I,
at least, am listening because I am going
through the same stuff just now. And I am
sure many others are, too. 
