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Daughter watched us having sex...

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I am 32 yr old women.We live in one room flat.Yesterday me and my husband were having sex and our 4-year-old daughter suddenly waked up from sleep. We are usually careful enough to have sex only after she sleeps, but last night we were so heated up that we asked her to sleep and started having rough sex. When i saw her watching i asked my husband to stop.Inspite of stopping, my husband kept on fingering me and said he cant stop.I asked her not to watch us and she laid down. Thereafter we ended up having sex right in front of our daughter. I am not sure if she was sleeping or pretending to be asleep. I tried speaking with her indirectly but she did not pay much attention. What was more shocking was that the other day she asked me what i was doing in night. My husband has not taken this seriously but I am really worried. What should I do?We are not so rich to move in 2 room flat.Also my husband ask for sex almost everyday in night. I don't even know if I can discuss this with my daughter?
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First Helper kartika32
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replied October 2nd, 2011
Community Volunteer
It is important that you tell her that what she saw was the way moms and dads show each other how much they love each other and that it is private and for grownups, and when she grows up, you will tell her more.

Just go 'I want to talk to you what you saw mommy and daddy do the other night, remember when you asked me what we did? What we .....'

Children at her age are not worried about the details. Don't give too much details.she is probably more worried that you hurt each other, or that it means that she is not as secure as she should be. Remember to keep your messages positive, not negative. Sex is not bad or wrong. In a loving and caring relationship it is good. Despite this, it is not something we talk about with other people, it is private between two connecting adults. Be careful to keep this positive message about sex between adults.

You should find a way to keep sex private. Do it in the bathroom or when she is not around. You cannot rely on her being asleep and staying asleep during your sex sessions. I cannot tell you how to get privacy. Do it at odd times, when she is playing, when she is not there, in the bathroom/shower. Swap babysitting duties with other young parents in the same position. You are also entitled to your own time and privacy, but not in front of a 4yo kid.

Take care and best of luck!
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replied October 2nd, 2011
YOUR QUEIRY
Children, do remember such events for quite a long time. I am conveying this information since me and my wife are very close to each other and discuss such issues.
I personally do remember an instance when I was 5 years old having seen a female taking bath. I am now 40 years old and I can still visualize the intricate details I had seen.
This event did have negative effects in my life - I had developed an indiscriminate inclination in sexual matters in private but felt shy even if a lady older than me by 20 years would meet me.
Luckily I did not turn out be a psycho, rapist etc…
By 20 I had developed passion for sex with older girls... But had no courage to speak to any girl or lady (even my teacher) because my immediate attention that grabbed me was her bosom.
Even many of my friends had similar incidents in their childhood days which they remember in details (whereas they do not even remember the names of subjects they had completed in their undergraduate course)
Well! It does have some effects and leave questions in the mind of children and these will get addressed only when they get to the right age.

My advice to you is avoid further such incidents - try to keep your child busy for a few months with something else -- Do constantly monitor your child’s inclination and interests and try to erase the marks as soon as possible before it stains.
And please, henceforth, do not try to make some one a nuclear scientist before even completion of formal education.
Cheers! Enjoy and the next time either of you get hot - remember what displayed on packaged glassware - Fragile. Handle with care.

DITTI
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replied October 2nd, 2011
Community Volunteer
Ditto, I am afraid you are blaming your issues on the wrong thing. It does not matter how close you are to your wife and how often you discuss it, seeing a woman taking a bath when you were 5yo did not cause your issues!!

Children do not remember or get scarred by seeing things like this, unless they experience it as threatening to one of the parents or themselves. Seeing a woman bath certainly posed no threat to you. The fact that you remember it is likely a sign that your brain made up some facts. Human visual memories are just so utterly unreliable, it is not even funny. Ask any police or lawyer. I suggest that you seek professional help if you are still traumatized.

If seeing adult scarred young kids, most kids growing up in poor countries will be devastated as families often stay together in one house, often with just one or two rooms.
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replied October 2nd, 2011
Children, do remember such events for quite a long time. I am conveying this information since me and my wife are very close to each other and discuss such issues.
I personally do remember an instance when I was 5 years old having seen a female taking bath. I am now 40 years old and I can still visualize the intricate details I had seen.
This event did have negative effects in my life - I had developed an indiscriminate inclination in sexual matters in private but felt shy even if a lady older than me by 20 years would meet me.
Luckily I did not turn out be a psycho, rapist etc…
By 20 I had developed passion for sex with older girls... But had no courage to speak to any girl or lady (even my teacher) because my immediate attention that grabbed me was her bosom.
Even many of my friends had similar incidents in their childhood days which they remember in details (whereas they do not even remember the names of subjects they had completed in their undergraduate course)
Well! It does have some effects and leave questions in the mind of children and these will get addressed only when they get to the right age.

My advice to you is avoid further such incidents - try to keep your child busy for a few months with something else -- Do constantly monitor your child’s inclination and interests and try to erase the marks as soon as possible before it stains.
And please, henceforth, do not try to make some one a nuclear scientist before even completion of formal education.
Cheers! Enjoy and the next time either of you get hot - remember what displayed on packaged glassware - Fragile. Handle with care.

DITTI
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replied April 7th, 2012
Hi , I think is better to explain everything to kids.
When I was 8 yrs old I had curiosity of women bodies and I convinced my little sister to get naked in a room. Our aunt find us, reprimand us and told my mother.
Mother reprimand me and told me literally: " Woman and man never see each other naked!!!...God gets angry if they do that!!..Go away and don't do it again!!"
Next day my parents told us they were going to take a nap after lunch and tell us to go away of their room. I returned after 10 min to ask them to let me visit a friend. Door was closed, I opened it, nobody was in the room, but I heard laughter inside the bathroom, then the bathroom door opened quickly and mother run to the room laughing totally naked and daddy behind her also naked and with an erection. I was amazed, they saw me but didnt say anything, just got behind the bed covering themselves. I just said sorry, and left the room.
I was totally shocked and confused!! They never explained anything.
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