Hi everyone,

I just joined this forum, mostly in response to a guy who was posting asking for help with his bp girlfriend. There seems to be a lot out there from people without bp asking for help with being with someone who is.

Reading this guy's post was really disconcerting, not for anything he said, but for how it made me think about my future. It's hard enough trying to meet someone you are compatible with and who you can love and who loves you. But being bp, and all the stigma and apprehension attached to the diagnosis, i wonder...is there any hope for us?

For one thing, yes, dating and loving someone with bp is hard. we have a lot of issues. but i don't think we are given enough credit for living relatively 'normal' lives, for being able to take responsibility for our actions. also, having to bear the burdens of 'bad apples' who give bp that terrifying reputation makes things that much harder.

I will start by saying that I am 28, relatively good looking (from what people tell me), emotionally and sexually mature and healthily integrated, socially adept, and have a lot of qualities and talents that would on the surface make me an ideal guy to date. I don't drink (maybe a beer here or there, but very little), i take medication regularly, and having lived consciously with my diagnosis for 10 years, i am learning more and more my triggers and red flags, so that i might avoid them. I am also Catholic, and living by a prescribed code of morality has saved me from a lot of the behaviours (promiscuity, lying, excessive spending) mentioned in the previous post.

nonetheless, i have my struggles as someone with bp. when i am being crushed by depression, i can recognize it, but that doesn't make it any easier to socialize, be open and intimate, to work, etc. when i am manic, yes, i may talk faster, may be more excited. i can accept that at times i will be incapable of certain things, despite my best efforts, but that does not mean someone i am with is able to accept it. i have lived and been alone more than with someone, though i have had a number of relationships, and was even engaged at one point. it is, i think, easier to be alone, but the loneliness can be at times a terrible burden. i have love to offer, and if i got married i would want to serve and cherish my wife as the apple of my eye. but getting to that point...of ever even getting married based on how hard it is for someone to love someone with bi polar disorder...is beginning to feel like a pipe dream.

what is disconcerting is how one's stigmatized reputation based on a diagnosis, precedes you. when you mention, or confess, that you are bp, people associate it with their experiences. there are many "i knew this guy who was bi polar and he was always breaking dishes and flying off the handle," kinds of stories that people have in their head. i am not that guy. i am me. i am responsible when it comes to managing my illness. while i am not seeing a therapist presently, i meet with my spiritual director regularly, and we discuss many of these things, esp. when i am not doing well. i have friends, my parents...a 'safety network' who i call when i am not feeling well. i try to be mindful of not being a burden, but also want to give my friends and family more credit than i might, that they love me and want to be there for me. i hate taking my meds. but i do, because the consequences are that much worse. i stay informed, and try to engage CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), and ACT (acceptance & commitment therapy).

i have a diminished libido and flatness of emotion, which can can squelch the dynamism and energy i had before diagnosed and 'treated' and make it hard to be genuinely sexually engaged. i feel empty many times, existential loneliness (not based on not being around people, etc) and no one can help with that. unwarranted emotional pain is as common for me as people with cancer or some other physical sickness.

like i said, it is hard enough trying to meet someone to love and be loved by. as a man with bi polar disorder, i fear my prospects for the future are somewhat bleak. finding a good Catholic woman I can share my spiritual life and moral values with, who ALSO can be loving, supportive, and accepting of my illness...I can only entrust such an outcome to God--though i will continue to do my part--since it seems like being in far left field, waiting for your turn to be engaged in the game.

I'd welcome any thoughts from people, some hope maybe. whether i am single or with someone, happiness comes from within. i try to remember this. but in all honesty, i wonder, realistically, and given the posts and what i have read about people's experiences dating someone with bp, what my romantic future holds given my circumstances...