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Dating a girl with bipolar. What should I do? What can I do?

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January 29th, 2011
Hi, I am new to the forum here. I have been dating a beautiful woman for about 4 months. She initiated contact with me and came to me. We kind of saw each other before, but I didn't think much of it. She got my number from my friend, which is also her good friend.

Well anyway, things have been messed up for the last couple of weeks. We used to talk every day. I mean, constant texting asking me what I'm doing, good morning texts, jokes, laughs, many many dates together. We were ALWAYS together. Going to friends birthday together, bar together, Christmas party together...everything! Everyone knew we had something going on. She told me she has some issues at home and work where her parents aren't as close to her and her siblings anymore. Actually, all of her siblings moved out due to parents issues at home. She is the only one left out of all her brothers and sisters.

Recently, she acts very distant from me. Mind you, we talk on the phone every day and often fall asleep on the phone together (sweet aye?), but now she has stopped contacting me. When I text her, she would say "hi..I'm driving. ttyl"...Okay, cool, shes driving, so I should just let her do her thing. Well, she doesn't reply back nor call me back. She would text me 3 days later saying "Hiiiii" and I said "Hi" back. Conversations are short. Then I told her that I understand whats going through her life and that I am only a phone call or a text away and that I truly care about her. I was there for her when she had no body. I was there for her when she cried about her family, about stressful work days she had. I was available, but there are times I wasn't and she called me out on it. One weekend, I didn't contact her because I was busy, and she would text me like a day later asking me if I am mad at her. I said no I was busy. She said that it seems like I was mad at her and if she did anything to offend me I should let her know so she can fix it. Well guess what? Now it seems like she is mad at me.

She has bipolar without meds and knowing her more and more, she has no friends really. Everyone who was her "friends" was walking away from her. This girl is very very sweet. She was there for me when I had issues, but what irks me is why is she doing this to me? I didn't do anything bad to her. I treat her very good! Why do they push us away? What can we do? I haven't seen her for two weeks (which is long), and haven't talked to her since Tuesday. Before Tuesday was like a week. She mentioned shes always like this. Her friend told me that sometime he don't see her for months. I just don't know what to do...

How can I talk to her? Should I? We all hang out with the same people so I am bound to see her again. I miss her a lot. She is my peanut and I was her jelly seriously. How can one day everything is okay and bam next day no phone call, no text, nothing. It just leaves me confused.

Any tips/pointers/advice? I do still like her and I don't care if she has bipolar. I am a caring person and will be there for her when everyone turns away.

"What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you" baffle
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lamtvip
replied January 29th, 2011
She also has OCD and when she gets drunk, she cries. She also get very angry when I try to put a guilt trip on her. She will sometime hang up the phone if I am pushing her button and text me later and say Sorry I hung up on you. BLA BLA BLA...

HELP!?
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Lily_of_the_Valley
replied February 1st, 2011
Let her go
You can think about a relationship with this girl after she starts taking meds on a regular basis. By not taking meds, she's turning her back on herself as well as her friends and family. Until she starts getting treatment and consistently complying with it, write her off.
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lamtvip
replied February 4th, 2011
It's been a week now. No reply to any txt or calls....
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GraphicsGuy
replied February 4th, 2011
i'm in the same boat
I'm oddly in the same boat. my bipolar on/off girlfriend says now "she wants to keep to herself" but she still loves me and talked of wanting a future and how I'm the only person she's close to. I don't know what to do either. I'm crazy about her and I can't and won't abandon her like that, maybe I'm stupid. If you really want it, accept that it's going to be hard and be there for her. Your patience will be tested but will hopefully pay off.
For my girl, she has it in her head that I want to be with someone else and now thinks we can't date in college. thankfully I'm graduating this semester.
I hope things get better. I'm will to keep in touch. !**@!'s rough when it goes from talking everyday to I can't talk to you now.
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EmilyElizabeth44
replied February 5th, 2011
Im bipolar, and ive dated ALOT of people, because so many people where unable to handle me, and they just walked out. Dating someone with bi polar disorder is not an easy thing to do. And medication is not the answer. Alot of bi polar medication actually damages your liver, and some even prevents you from having childeren (which is why im not on medication). I absolutly HATE when people say "go on medication" "go on medication" because thats NOT the answer. A good start is taking care of herself. She needs to eat better. Take vitamin supplements (such as a one a day vitamin, vitamin D) and if she doesnt want medication, the have her try B complex (another organic supplement, proven to help) or even St. Johns wart. If you really like her, then i think you should stay by her. But you shouldnt stay with her if you cant handle it, because it will just tear her apart in the end. Isolating yourself for weeks, or months, is just another episode, (even i do it sometimes) and my boyfriend literally has to drag me outside. But after i get out there i feel SO much better. People who have bi polar are facing ALOT in there lives, alot more then people think. Its like you have to PUSH yourself everyday to get out of bed, and to make friends. And i bet you anything that she likes you alot as well. But this is a life long disease with no cure, and it takes SOOO much time, its a constant cycle that takes alot of hard work and time to be broken. Not to mention, your gunna have to put extra work into the relationship, that she'll be unable to. Im not saying that shes completely helpless, because there wont be a relationship if shes not willing to try and get better for you. Ive learned that quickly. And its important that you dont tell her shes retarded if she gets suicidal, its important that you help her out in whatever way. Because if i had someone who cared about me as much as it sounds like you care about her, i probably would have gotten better alot sooner. but good luck on this, and i hope everything works out (:
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futuregohangurl
replied February 6th, 2011
Experienced User
i agree with emily. they have feelings too. i have a friend whos bp and hes the most sweetest guy i have ever met and we have been friends for a long time and he doesnt want a relationship now and his parents are very supportive and his dad is also bp so he has a good support suystem and his mom and dad have been married over 25 years so all i can say from what i have learned is that you have to be very understanding. because it sounds like she might like you too but is afraid of the rejection because shes been rejected so much. bp people arent monsters they are just like us. its just their dumb illness and they hate you talking about it because then they think you are judging them and calling them a monster when you arent. they are very caring people and its easy to love them when they are in a good mood. but everyone is moody
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futuregohangurl
replied February 6th, 2011
Experienced User
oh yeah another thing is that my friend whos bipolar i am just waiting for him to be ready for now since i havent found anyone else and i think it strangely may be gods plan for me to be more understanding and work on myself before i end up with the guy thats forever. as you can see i am not ready either i have to work on my ocd for starters before i am ready.
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hotandsunny
replied February 16th, 2011
Experienced User
I agree with everything that has been said however there is one idea that was missed.....she has to want to get better. You cannot possibly make her do anything...she has to want to get help to better herself and until she does....I would stay my distance. I was in a relationship with someone who has BiPolar/Borderline personality Disorder for over 2.5 yrs. It almost took me to my knees mentally because she would not get better and/or get the necessary help....in fact she didn't bother telling me she had/has such issues....I had to figure that out on my own. Needless to say...I had to end the relationship. Unless she gets the needed help....what ever it is that helps her cope....suggestion is to stay your distance as nothing good will come of this (heartache/misery/drama/etc.). Good luck to you!!

Chris
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futuregohangurl
replied February 19th, 2011
Experienced User
an update. now my guy friend says when i say why cant i get a bf that there are plenty of fish out there. yeah but he doesnt get it, the guy i want his him and i know he wants me too its just the last 2 years his bipolar has gotten worse. he isnt the guy he used to be. he used to be caring and sweet and now hes just cold and can be rude most of the time.
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hotandsunny
replied February 19th, 2011
Experienced User
futuregohangurl....the person I was with became rude and cold.....as if I was an enemy of some sort when in fact I was only trying to be there for her and love her unconditionally. The unconditional part is what she could not understand. Good luck....

Chris
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futuregohangurl
replied February 19th, 2011
Experienced User
yeah my friend is up and down with his moods. today he is ok. oh yeah and he still only wants friendship according to him but i know he has told me in the past hes not ready so i think thats why he maybe is saying there are other fish out there. its because is bipolar isnt under control because i know he doesnt always take his meds and when he doesnt he is a jerk it has gotten worse the last 3 years too. but i read bipolar doesnt get better it does get worse if its not treated
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