Well, my Dad has been an addict for about thirty-five years now. He's been on a methadone program for twenty-five, but has showed no signs of recovery, and is still a very heavy drinker, and takes pills all the time.
Now, seeing his highs and lows have always been a part of my life. Family is a impossible thing for a kid like me to escape. However, he's a very kind, and gentle man, and this is what makes it so painful to me.
My sister just turned nineteen, and I actually dropped out of the social system all together, so recently, he was informed that his insurance wasn't going to hold out, because, well, I dunno how MediCal works, but I guess since his kids are now out of the picture, they won't support him, anymore.
A little more backstory before I move on, he has a long criminal record for various drug stuff, and he's fifty-three years old. He's been looking for work, but can't even get the lowest of jobs. (He was denied shoveling dog crap at the kennel, last time I asked how the search was going....) He lives with his mother, or my grandmother, and he has been for thirteen years or so. My grandma, an AMAZING lady, was the one who took care of me and my sister as children. But we have literally been living off of her social security forever, because her husband left her many years ago. She owns very little, and my father has NOTHING. Remember money is something we do not have.
Anyway, moving on.
When my dad got the news of the MediCal running out, I guess this really made him depressed. I think it's due to expire in a month or two, but that really scares me to death.
Because no more MediCal means no more methadone.
Now, I'll never be able to fully understand how painful it must be to be such an addict, because I'm just a kid, and I'll probably never know any better. None of us can relate, it seems.
But because of his depression, he's been drinking HEAVILY, and getting some sort of prescription pills from some druggie at the YMCA. And I don't even know the half of it....
But he's been really messed up. That's all I need to say.
Three weeks ago, I was visiting my grandma, and he was there, drunk. She started yelling at him, and giving him a hard time because of his condition, and the next thing I knew, she was running to my room, yelling at me to see what he was doing: And that he had a knife.
I got scared, so I ran to the kitchen, but it was too late. When I got there, the was blood all over the place. On the walls, on the floor, the kind of thing you'd only see in nightmares. And in the middle of it, was my dad, already on the floor, with his head bent over, and a big chunk of flesh sliced off his arm. He kept saying: "I'm just gonna go to sleep, now...."
Of course, I didn't stand around to chat with him. I ran to the phone, and called 911. I mean, what else was I going to do? He went to the hospital and of course, the 72 hour lock-down in the psychward, and was let out about a week later. This whole time, I visited him, and he told me how stupid he was for doing what he did, and all this jazz about going to support groups, and getting help. I was really proud and happy to hear him say that after the horrors of the event that's still fresh in my mind.
However, only three weeks later, I hear that he's in the mental hospital again, except this time, I don't know what happened, and why he was sent there. He was already released, and I haven't seen him since. According to his friend, he's been drinking WORSE than he was before his original suicide attempt, and all I can think about is something happening to him. There's no reasoning with him when he's like this....
I talked to my older sister in Colorado on the phone about it, and she told me that he had given her a list of songs that he wanted played at his funeral, and that he wanted to be cremated, and all this really morbid stuff.... She told me that he doesn't want to live anymore BECAUSE of his methadone being cut off, and that's something that I have no control over.
I just feel so helpless. I'm not really sure if there IS help out there for him, anymore. He lies his way out of the hospital, and doesn't seem to want to help himself....
Are there any free self-help programs out there for someone like him? And I'm not talking about NA or AA.... He gets mixed up with bad people when he gets into those kinds of groups....
But it's come down to life or death, it seems, and I'm just so scared for him....
And now, about a month after all of that, he had been clean and his lovable self for about three weeks, but relapsed when he got enough money to get himself some pills.
My grandma found them, and took them to me asking what to do about them. I told her to get rid of them, of course, but now I regret it big time, because in the middle of the night, he woke and began looking for them. I kinda hid the whole time, but he started asking Grandma for them back, asking that they were someone else's, and he'd get in big trouble for not having them.
She pretended she didn't know, and he went outside. I thought he was just there for a smoke, but I heard him make a sick sounding groan, and before I knew it, the cops were there again. Another slash to the wrist.
I dunno if he called them, himself, or what happened, but they took him in again, and he's once again, in the hospital.
He doesn't seem to want to help himself. He's like a child; Everytime he gets in a fight with his mother, it ends up like this.
Do you live with or close to him? It would help a lot if you did, just having supportive people around you can mean the world. If not try to visit him as often as possible and try to go outdoors and do things, go see movies, take walks, try to talk and level with him. I'm really sorry to hear about your position and I can't even imagine how hard or scary it is. Another thing would be to try and get him a job that would keep him busy, there are plenty of jobs who hire people in situations similar to his. I'm sorry I can't give you more advice, but it's all situational. If you need anything else feel free to message me.
Thank you for the reply, Johnny. I'm not really expecting much of a solution, but your suggestion does help. ^^
I do live with him. I live with him and my grandma.
The problem with his last attempt was that he got this part time job with a friend. He just can't be trusted even with the smallest amount of money, because it goes straight to drugs. D:
I do all I can, and spend all my time and money on him, but I don't think he wants to help himself at all... He's really nothing less than a best friend to me, and he's the smartest and most gentle person I know-- But whenever he's wasted, he turns into this monster.
What happens when he just doesn't care anymore...?
It's a tough barrier to overcome, and it's not something that me or you can do for him. You have to make him care, show him that life has more to offer and make him value it. See if there's something else you can get him to spend money on, like a collection or something of that sort. Something that not only absorbs his money from drug use but also absorbs his time and thoughts.
Well, he's back from the hospital, and everytime he gets back, he's worse than ever. D:
He's been wasted on something for the past few days, and all he's been doing is eating and sleeping. He's nodding out all the time, and I'm back to worrying my head off.
Every time I try to talk to him, he keeps insisting that he has a 'disease' and that he needs all these meds; Something the doctor convinced him off, no doubt... But is that true? I've been though the whole mental hospital song and dance myself, to be honest, I've been prescribed a lot of mood stabilizers too for 'chemical imbalances' and all that jazz.
And you know what?
When I stopped doing drugs, I stopped having my mental problems. I don't need those meds and I'm doing very well. My father was the one who encouraged me NOT to take them, as a matter of fact.
I feel like treating a DRUG problem with more DRUGS might make things worse. I don't know what they gave him, but he's been acting very strangely. He can't seem to stop eating, and he's falling asleep everywhere.
I suspect he might be mixing the mood drugs with his own arsenal of pain pills, because I've never seen him eat like this.
But he's not even the man I know anymore.... He grunts his replies, and isn't capable of much of anything. I'm really scared.
About a half an hour after he came home, I caught him in my purse, and THEN when I shooed him away, he went straight to digging though my sister's. He's still stealing for money, and I can't have ANYTHING anymore. He's truly my worst enemy, and biggest problem right now...
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It must be a very tough situation for a kid to go through and it seems like you're trying to stay strong through it all. you sound very brave and strong minded. You should be real proud of yourself.
Like the other person stated. I agree that he has to make the decision to start taking care of himself. You can try and talk him through it though and tell him how much you love him and need him to turn his life around for the better. I was going to suggest an "intervention" maybe. You're dad really needs to go to rehab in order to get better. Is that something that is possible from where you are from?
This is such a sad situation that you are in, I have been where you are myself. I went to the court's to put my husband in rehab, they denied me cause he was an adult and of leagal age. I don't know where for you to turn or go to, where I live there was no where for me. This is a diease for them and it's very selfish on there part to put a family through this. Until the court's and our goverment really take a look at our problem's I'm afraid we are going to continue to loose good people to thing's like this. This doesn't happen over night , this is something that happen's over time. For me there was no talking to him or trying to make him realize what he was doing was hurting everyone around him. He was a real smooth talker and other's believed him. I know this doesn't help you any, but I've learned from medical people that when you become so dependent on pill's or acholoc to the point that they can't even function, then sometime's if you put that person in rehab it could actually do them more harm, for my husband I was told that it would of actually killed him to try to sober him up cause his body had to have it.
Mmm, rehab is constantly on my mind; it seems like a nice wish, but I really don't know if there's any way to FORCE him to go unless he actually commits some sort of drug related crime and gets caught, and ORDERED to go by a judge. He'd never go on his own, and his health insurance is due to run out by the end of the month. But I believe that's what dear Kymm was implying. ^^; I also do believe that he could get seriously sick from withdrawing, not from the pills, but from the methadone, because I've seen what happens when they take it away.
But the methadone isn't the problem... They make him go to the clinic to pick up his dosage everyday, because they can't trust him with a week's worth. And he's outraged by this. He says: "I have a DISEASE. Why PUNISH someone for that?" He's acting like everyone should just let him have what he wants and feel sorry for him.
Well, we DO feel sorry for him, but he acts like getting off the drugs is the last thing he should do.
...actually, he acts like he's never popped a pill in his life. When he's plainly messed up, and we ask if he's okay, he claims that he's as sober as you or I, like he's in denial, or something.
I find it really hard to cope with people like him, who don't even believe that they have a problem, themselves.
But thank you both for your kind replies. ^^ I can't expect a solution overnight, and I just pray that one day I can catch him sober long enough to at least have a long, serious talk with him.
im so sad for to hear all your sorrows, and also feel bad for your dad as my uncle also was an addict to alcohol and one day we made him visit a doctor and you know what the doctor told us? that his liver has become very small and can stop functioning at any time and told us to put him on and ANTABUSE (a medicine used to cure alcoholic teaddicts). afr a period of two to three months, there were really some changes and we saw my uncle starting to recover and now i can tel you that he has quit alcohol for more than 4years now.