I'm a 16 year old girl and i pretty much hate life. I used to be really happy until about a year ago. I'm not sure what the trigger was but I gradually grew to have intimacy issues like i cant stand being in close proximity to people, I dont like people touching me and I'm incapable of showing much affection, not because i dont want to but because I cant, I dont feel anything like love for anyone, i like my parents, they're great but I dont love them and I dont love my friends. I thought i might have been over exaggerating but my grandmother who i saw every week died a few weeks back and i felt nothing. But the problem is that people think that gives them a free pass to say and do whatever they want to me and it hurts. My friends openly call me heartless and a freak, saying they dont like to be alone with me because I'm depressing. I spent along time not caring but being this alone is taking it's toll. After i spent my 16th birthday being ignored by my friends i came home and i cut myself and it made it all go away, i felt like all my worries had gone and i was normal, i do it every couple of days and it helps me get through. But recently i feel like it's not enough, i just dont really see the point of living when you isolate yourself from everyone around you. I've tried just riding out my sadness an not cutting but i when i do i feel like I'm going to be sick and i get headaches and they only go away once I've self harmed. I dont want to be a freak but i cant change the fact that i dont think and feel like other people.
Hey. I feel for ya. I was the same way when I was young. I hope you get some help by seeing somebody and getting on some meds. Being young can suck. I never enjoyed life untill I got older. One thing I can tell you is you come first. Don't worry about others and what they think. It is proven that a lot of the friends you have when you are young, you won't even talk to when you get older. Please get help and if you don't like the first person you see. Find another! I hope things get better for you! Keep your head up!