Medical Questions > Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

Currently not talking with mother

I moved in with my mother after she got together with a man she had been having an affair with while she was married to my father. I was probably about 11 or 12 at the time that I moved in. Everything started off ok, but as time went on, things got worse. My mother would drink excessively along with her boyfriend, to the point that they would scream at eachother, and then scream at me, dragging me into situations that I had no idea about. Telling eachother lies about me and things that I didn't say.

From then on it got a lot worse, because not only would I be dragged into their fights, all of a sudden I was the cause of all of them. They would toss names at me, some I had never even heard before. Later on I learned the meanings of some of these and I couldn't believe they would call me that. I got used to this lifestyle, and expected it when I came home from school. Sometimes, we'd be up until the early morning hours just fighting. I really didn't like this man either, he brought out the worst in my mother, and she already had a lot of problems.

My relationship with him got a lot worse as I started to get older. I knew I was growing up and the way he would look at me just grossed me out. I would wear huge t-shirts to hide my body. I didn't want him looking at me like that anymore. He would also talk about sex in front of me and my siblings, like it was no big deal. He would say the nastiest things that made us all uncomfortable. Then one day, he had really crossed the line with me, and I spoke out and ended up getting his two fingers covered in soap pushed into my mouth with no warning. He just walked up to me and did it. I have really hated him since then. And what was worse, is that my mom didn't do anything about it. She wouldn't even stick up for her own kids against him.

It got to the point where she finally got physically abusive with me. She would hit me, and throw things at me. One time I got a chair thrown at me. That was when I finally moved in with my dad. From then on, I had a somewhat ok relationship with my mother, but not great. There have been great times, but it has been hard. Anyway, she is still with that man, but I've learned to just deal with it. For the past year, she been absolutely awful to me, and I don't even live with her, she just, wants to fight with me for no reason and she won't stop drinking. I told her how I felt and sat down and talked with her about it, but it didn't work. I finally had to give up and stop talking to her. I told her I couldn't be in her life unless she went to AA, because she couldn't speak with me without starting a fight. Now, it has been a few months since we have spoken, and I moved to TN and then I moved to AZ, and that is where I live and I have not spoken to her. She lives all the way in NH, and I really have no idea what else I can do at this point. All I know, is this is the first time I've really decided to deal with my past, is right now, writing this. I have not even though about all this until right now.
Did you find this post helpful?
|

replied February 2nd, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Hey hun sorry to hear what you have been through....I think you should talk to someone professional about this and see if you can work past the upset it has caused you and maybe see if you can get in contact with your mum to get some answers for yourself....Good luck Jenny
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 3rd, 2009
Community Volunteer
Get Rid Of Any Guilt Feelings...
You are doing the best thing that you can do...You are writing about it...You are speaking of the pain that you have been through in life...You are telling the world that you are a good person and never deserved all the hurt that you have been given....You are crying all the tears of a lifetime and helping make yourself feel better....You see, you never deserved one thing that happened in your life....She and her boyfriend used their own guilt of life and blamed it on you.....

Chances are that your Mother will never change but you have life in front of you....You are a good person and now it is time for you to make your life all that you want it to be....Don't look back as it is your past....What happened there must stay there....Don't dwell on it....Instead look at all your tomorrow's as your new beginning.....

Caroline
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied February 4th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Hun the best thing you can do right now is call children protection services, I know you are with your dad but what your mom did was wrong. I know you love your mom or probably still have feelings for her, its a kind of love/hate relationship that will last for years to come.

The best thing you can do is seek counselling for yourself, every so often someone needs to vent or remove the skeletons from the closet. Sometimes we are not always open to talking to other people because they will judge and may something you weren't expecting.

I have two kids, I can loose my cool with them but I genuinely feel awful afterwards but I have never hit them. Parenting is rather frustrating but there is a difference between functioning and over-doing it.

I am a little worried about your siblings, are they still with your mom?

I can understand if you didn't report it but at the same time, if you ever feel that your sibling may be in harms way, remember they don't deserve this. It would be the hardest choice you could make but the best choice in the end!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied September 16th, 2009
Supporter
i understand how you feel. what a brave girl you are. remember what happened happened its all in the past and now you are in the present try to forget all the painful experience and make it up to your self have fun treat your self as a princes because you deserve it. other wise the pain will live with you till you grow up and have kids. your mother will grow old and mature she might forget but she will regret if she ever know how did she hurt you. believe me your mother will always love you and miss you. but she doesn't deserve you unless she know how to treat you. surviving such a life with your mom shows how strong and brave you are you should be proud of your self . be happy and live happy
|
Did you find this post helpful?