I moved in with my mother after she got together with a man she had been having an affair with while she was married to my father. I was probably about 11 or 12 at the time that I moved in. Everything started off ok, but as time went on, things got worse. My mother would drink excessively along with her boyfriend, to the point that they would scream at eachother, and then scream at me, dragging me into situations that I had no idea about. Telling eachother lies about me and things that I didn't say.

From then on it got a lot worse, because not only would I be dragged into their fights, all of a sudden I was the cause of all of them. They would toss names at me, some I had never even heard before. Later on I learned the meanings of some of these and I couldn't believe they would call me that. I got used to this lifestyle, and expected it when I came home from school. Sometimes, we'd be up until the early morning hours just fighting. I really didn't like this man either, he brought out the worst in my mother, and she already had a lot of problems.

My relationship with him got a lot worse as I started to get older. I knew I was growing up and the way he would look at me just grossed me out. I would wear huge t-shirts to hide my body. I didn't want him looking at me like that anymore. He would also talk about sex in front of me and my siblings, like it was no big deal. He would say the nastiest things that made us all uncomfortable. Then one day, he had really crossed the line with me, and I spoke out and ended up getting his two fingers covered in soap pushed into my mouth with no warning. He just walked up to me and did it. I have really hated him since then. And what was worse, is that my mom didn't do anything about it. She wouldn't even stick up for her own kids against him.

It got to the point where she finally got physically abusive with me. She would hit me, and throw things at me. One time I got a chair thrown at me. That was when I finally moved in with my dad. From then on, I had a somewhat ok relationship with my mother, but not great. There have been great times, but it has been hard. Anyway, she is still with that man, but I've learned to just deal with it. For the past year, she been absolutely awful to me, and I don't even live with her, she just, wants to fight with me for no reason and she won't stop drinking. I told her how I felt and sat down and talked with her about it, but it didn't work. I finally had to give up and stop talking to her. I told her I couldn't be in her life unless she went to AA, because she couldn't speak with me without starting a fight. Now, it has been a few months since we have spoken, and I moved to TN and then I moved to AZ, and that is where I live and I have not spoken to her. She lives all the way in NH, and I really have no idea what else I can do at this point. All I know, is this is the first time I've really decided to deal with my past, is right now, writing this. I have not even though about all this until right now.