I don't know what I can do anymore.. I feel like I have no one to turn to because all my friends have gone away for college and these feelings are starting to scare me.
For about the past four years of my life, I feel like I have been digging myself into a hole, which is leading me deeper and deeper into what I'm being to believe is depression.
I think the cause of it is mostly gravitated towards my family life. My parents are much older than most (I have just celebrated my 18th birthday and both my parents are celebrating their 61st.) I never get along with them because everything I tried was never good enough. I would always do something wrong and screw everything up. I was not allowed to APPLY to the university of my dreams because they didn't see it as an option because an 18 year old is not mature enough to live on campus alone.
My boyfriend and I just celebrated our one year together. I love him so much and he means everything to me. Sadly, he is currently enrolled in the university I was planning on going to and I only see him once every month. My parents don't take our relationship seriously at all, and don't even try to act like it's worth anything to them. Most of the time that he comes down to visit is spent with me and my parents fighting, or them trying to find ways to keep me home.
I can't talk to my parents because they don't listen or just tell me i'm whining, and I can't talk to my friends because they all have their lives put together and are going out and living the college life. I feel so held back.
I don't know what to do... There have been points where I get so low I felt like the only way out was to just end it all and that really scares me.
I had typed you a lengthy reply but it got lost in the system, so here is a condensed version. I also have parents whom were older than my peers parents. They were often more mature and wise with their outlook for me but there comes a time when we need to earn their respect as young adults, so they don't feel the need to make the "big" decisions for us anymore. Instead allowing us the privilege of making our own life altering decisions for ourselves. They have been parenting you throughout your life, right? So they need proof that you are now a capable young woman, able of being mature minded and who can take care of herself. Whether that means taking a course in self defense, paying any bills on time, gaining steady employment, taking initiative to fulfill tasks without them having to remind you etc. All these "grown up" type responsibilities will be visual proof that you can be and are a mature person who is capable of bigger decisions, like moving away from home to college. Proving our maturity to our parents is often a process coupled with physical proof. Hang in there and don't give up hope, just remember it's a process of proving to them that you can do this and keep in touch with your friends.