I'm 17 if that's important. Before the 'symptoms' started in mid-april 2008, i had been spending most of my days inside my house (i left school in december). I often smoked marijuana in the night. I would stay up all night on the computer and sleep during the day. Anyway, the first thing i experienced was weird thoughts/images and major depression. Looking back at some of the thoughts now, i could dismiss them as simply obsessive and anxiety related. Some were strange/paranoid though.So, i went to the the hospital two weeks later and told the doctor almost everything. The psychiatrist there thought it was anxiety and gave me ativan for 7 days. The following week, some of the thoughts were still there, but there was little or no anxiety. The mornings were horrible though. Also, my thoughts/obsessions changed over time. After i stopped taking ativan, i had some good and bad days. About a month after i went to the hospital, i see my psychiatrist and he prescribes me prozac. This was about a week ago. ok, here's the thing: i feel like i havn't told the doctors everything and i need some insight. Here are some of the particular disturbances i have had that make me think it might be something else than anxiety. i'll admit, i did look up schizophrenia symptoms before some of the following thoughts occured, and i had worried that i would have them.
1. I have a problem with my vision. I often see flashes of light in my peripheral vision and sometimes central vision, and in the dark i always see color. But i have been able to discern shapes and faces in these flashes.
2. I have been worried that i might be hearing things, especially in the night. Sometimes i hear mumbling, and the source is often the tv that someone is watching. But sometimes i can't find the source. I do live in an appartment, but i'm still not sure.
3. Here's where it get interesting. I had been anxious for a while of people tampering with my food. For example, when my mom goes near my food or drink, i often feel anxious. This doesn't stop me from eating though, i know my mom would never do such a thinhg. But i still feel nervous sometimes eating the food.
4. I have been mistaking things i see out of the corner of my eye. For example, if there's something on the floor and i suddenly look directly at it,
i expect to see my dog or a small animal. This has happened quite often.
5. I feel like i'm having memory and intellectual problems. Like i forget things periodically. For example, forgetting for a moment that a sibling just arrived from school. Also, i have been pretty slow at getting jokes. Lastly, when reading i'll mistake words for others. For example, i'll asume before reading the word '' expires'' that it is ''experience''. I happens when i hear
words too. Sometimes the words i mistake them for are negative.
6. Very random mind chatter and images in my head the morning while in bed. I am fully awake when this happens.
7. Lastly, this is what has really made me question my sanity. It's what has been making me feel horrible the last few days. First, i have been imagining my mom as a reptilian alien and i can't get this out of my mind. I feel anxious when i'm around her. I even have to check her appearance/movements to see that nothing is odd. I know that this isn't true, but i still feel this horrible feeling of suspicion. When i do feel comfortable around her, i'll imagine something like she's controlling my mind to make me feel comfortable around her. I feel anxious when she goes out too. The anxiety about food has become more intense, but i still eat it though. Also, any little thing disturbance, such as a muscle twitching, odd noise, eye trick, i'll associate with aliens or my mom. I know all of this isn't true by the way. But when i try to tell myself that i know all of this isn't true, my mind will try to contradict me. Things like ''DO I really believe this''? ''What are the implications if i do''? ''Would you care i something bad happened to my mom, assuming you do believe this'' Then, it's like my emotions get mixed up and i don't know what to feel or think. I have been waking up feeling horrible and i just don't know what to do. I feel bad all the time, i feel suspicious, i am scared. I have no motivation to do anything. I get anxious easily from anything slightly off i see or hear, wheter in my surroundings or on tv. I don't want to feel like this, i don't want to have to look and think about my mom this way, i want to get back to school, and return to a normal life. But i feel hopeless. Sometimes i don't even know what to feel, because i tell myself i truly am schizo and that i don't care.I have to wait before seeing a psychologist. In the meantime, i just need some insight. But assuming i do have schiz, will i ever be able to be happy again. To look at my mom and other people the way i used to? To have my thoughts in order? I am miserable right now.
(Pardon the long post and the bad english. English is not my first language)