Controlling, Bully Husband

I need help in dealing with a very controlling and bullying husband. He in no way feels he is this way. He comes across as "acting" like he is the most perfect, smart, person alive. First let me explain his personality. He is the most talkative, social, must have all the attention, expert on everything person you would ever meet. He feels the need to "talk" to anyone and everyone when we are out. He dominates conversations, and has to tell me EVERY single detail of everything he does and says to people everyday. Yes, he can be caring, concerned, help anyone in need person but he MUST have all control over everything. He is majorly detail oriented and can pick ANYTHING apart. He comes across as trying to make everyone believe he is the most perfect person and everyone else is always totally wrong. He will go into detail about how everything "should" be run and how everything "should" be done. This attitude is exhibited with all activities he is involved in including home. So, with all this in mind - this is how me and our 3 kids are treated: Since he is a perfectionist - if things are not done to his specifications - he screams and yells and lets everyone in the house know. He CONSTANTLY nags the kids about chores, responsibilities, etc....and yes they should do them - but NEVER gives them a break. A day doesn't go by when he doesn't make our kids feel bad about something. And, for me it's a nightmare. I do nothing at all right. He is the expert on cooking, cleaning, laundry, household chores, kids school activities, etc. I cannot even put the garbage in the " garbage can correctly most of the time. He will walk in a room and find numerous things "wrong" and proceed to tell everyone. Because I am a stay at home mom - I am constantly reminded who "makes all the money" around here and who bought "everything" in this house. Just yesterday he said - "when are you going to finally respect my authority around here" He really thinks he is king of the house and we are his servants and must do and listen to everything he says. I am not allowed any opinions (thinks I'm bucking him?), he could care less about my stories - but wants me to spend hours listening to his and if I interrupt him - he snaps at me, yells, and it starts a fight. And ANYTIME we are in an arguement - he basically in so many words makes threats about throwing me out of the house or leaving. He cannot handle arguements - sees them as "threats to his authority". I have to be VERY CAREFUL about what I say because one wrong word and I'm gone. I have no job, no money, and no where to go. We live in an upper middle class neighbored where our children are very involved in activities and have lots of friends, great schools and I cannot take them from that plus I would have no where to go. I walk on egg shells everyday of my life. I really don't have a life of my own because he doesn't let me. He controls finances, our daily plans, kids activities, etc.. I cannot do anything on my own with asking his permission. (even though I do sometimes). I do play tennis 2 days a week but I can barely squeak that by without him complaining that I play too much tennis and should be home doing chores. Believe me, I don't play too much. He can't stand the thought of me playing tennis for a couple of hours and once in awhile having lunch with a friend (I don't do that everyday) while HE is working really hard making a living. It's almost like jealousy. If he is at work then I should be working. But what's funny - he at least spends two or three nights a week playing tennis with his buddies while I'm carting the kids to all their activies, cooking dinner, cleaning kitchen, and putting kids to bed. That's ok - because "he works all day and deserves this". But I don't deserve any free time at all. That's his attitude. I do try to say things to him about all this - but he is a MASTER at debate and always wins the fight (so he thinks) He has the abiltity to turn any conversation around the way he wants it to be. That is very frustrating when I am not a good conversatiionalist or quick thinker. I can never think quick enough for comebacks. I freeze up and end up saying the wrong things. He twists everything and makes it in his favor very easily. He basically has the gift of gab and can debate very easily. So how do I overcome this and try to change some of his attitudes without going to counseling or leaving? He is not 100% of the time like this but it's becoming more and more with each passing day. HELP!