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Controlling boyfriend

I don't know what to do. I feel like the worst mother ever! I need some advice from strangers. I thought I met the perfect man. I introduced him to my kids and they were drawn to him instantly. It just seemed so perfect. He eventually moved in with us. My kids adore him. My twelve year old son enjoys spending time with him. He is absolutely fantastic with my kids. And then there's our relationship. Nobody can see that he tells me who I can talk to, and who I can't. He tells me what I can where and what I can't. We have vicious fights because he is convinced that I'm wearing lipstick because there's someone at work I'm trying to impress or that I've looked at another man while we're in public or that other men look at me because I've somehow given them the idea that I'm interested. He criticizes me often. The rest of the world thinks he is amazing. I'm the only one that gets to see his ugly side. He takes all of his stress and frustrations out on me. I've tried to make the relationship work but he is smothering me and no matter how often I try to talk to him and reason with him, he just seems so irrational. I've lost all contact with my friends, I barely spend time with my mother who I am extremely close to. I can't even take my girls to get our nails done together without getting a text from him every 5 minutes asking why it is taking so long. I don't know what to do but I can't live like this. It is so unhealthy and I find myself stressed out and almost to the point of panic and the possibility of setting him off. So the big question is... Will my kids be hurt beyond repair if the relationship ends? They've already been through a divorce and now this.
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replied February 10th, 2012
Community Volunteer
Hi truthseeker1 and welcome to ehealth: If it was me I would have kicked him out long ago...He is a controlling man.....It sounds like you have bent over backwards to make peace...What I can't understand is that seeing it is your house why are you letting him take over?....Find your life again...Enjoy your family and friends...A man is not always the answer to happiness...Peace and serenity are...

Your children will be fine...It would be much worse to see them with a stressed out Mother who is not happy....Take care...

Caroline
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replied April 6th, 2012
The words you've written up there ^ sound like me speaking, this time last year! I was in a relationship with a guy from early 2010- mid 2011. During our relationship he became more and more posessive and everyone could see it but me. He stopped me from talking to the majority of my guy friends and often convinced me that what i was doing (for example, going out with friends) lead to negativity. at one point he stopped me going out completely unless it was to a friends. He made me promise him i'd stop drinking. He tried to stop me from getting a blackberry as it was 'unneccessary' and would distract me from work. i was blind, and thought his reasons were logical and if i loved him i should take his feelings into consideration. After months of sadness, arguments and indecisivness we finally broke up last april. He still wants me back and claims to be head over hills in love BUT he will never change. Its only recently that ive realised what madness i was living in! breaking up was the BEST decision ive ever made and im happier than ever. At first it was hard but after the months pass and you get your life on track.. you get over it. and realise that there are guys out there that let you live your life! and love you for who you are. Good luck!
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