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January 29th, 2009
If it isn't one thing its the other. I worry always there is always something I'm worrying about. Now I made myself really upset by have a one night stand and wondering if should i tell my boyfriend of a month about it? Its driving me crazy. I thought i had problems before but now I created one. He was the only thing in my life that kept me sane and now that's all I'm worried about. I just don't know what to do. I kept making mistakes and its making me so miserable in life. I hate it and I just want to sleep the days away so I don't have to face my mistakes.
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JavaMissus
replied January 29th, 2009
Community Volunteer
If you had a one night stand with another man and a boyfriend of only one month, in my opinion you are not serious about him....You just don't do that with someone that you care for...

I would just casually date until you can decide what to do in your love life...
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19yearold
replied January 29th, 2009
Experienced User
ummm....
DO Not tell your boyfriend cause its unnecessary if your willing to change and love him. Why hurt him if you didn't mean it in the first place. So I would keep it away from your thoughts and try not to think about it and just date this guy to see if he is the one. Your not married to him, so don't worry just make sure you never do it again. I done some pretty stupid things like that with my boyfriend but i told him because he found out 100 percent of the time. But I changed and have self control now with other men.
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purple265
replied January 29th, 2009
this is the writer of the question this is the backstory.
OK i have been on and off with my boyfriend for a year. during this time he lied and cheated and had other girls and slept around I was with other people in the times when he had another girlfriend. He cheated on his most recent girlfriend with me lets just say we were very rocky.. and its been nothing but drama for us. but just recently like 1 month we have gotten back together. and are officially together. and things were amazing until i messed up. He is overseas for a year. everyone at home tells me im dumb for waiting and everything well I had a one night stand. I know it will NEVER happen again and I know how he is and he will not forgive me. I regret it so much and have been crying for days. Should I tell him?

* 1 hour ago
* - 3 days left to answer.

Additional Details

1 hour ago
Or should i just let it go and see how things are when he gets home...? the thing is i worry a lot and i'm afraid its gonna come out later. he has lied to my face why can't I lie?

1 hour ago
by the way he didn't tell me about his cheating. he was just dumb about it.
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JavaMissus
replied January 29th, 2009
Community Volunteer
When you start out with a relationship of cheating, where can it go? With his being overseas for a year, why are you staying loyal to him? You doubt he is being true to you so you do the same thing..It is not easy doing what you are trying to do...Unfortunately, the slightest temptation under the wrong circumstances can explode into a hot affair...This is because the hormones go wild and you battle yourself with your own distrust of him...Why tell him? Why make your misery his? You did it so suffer your own agony....

I am not trying to be mean, but you only had one good month together...Unless you trust he is not going out with another woman, why are you being the one who is waiting...or should I say trying to wait...If he has been true to you, your guilt should not be his pain....

Just my thoughts,
Caroline
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19yearold
replied January 30th, 2009
Experienced User
Re: this is the writer of the question this is the backstory.
purple265 wrote:
OK i have been on and off with my boyfriend for a year. during this time he lied and cheated and had other girls and slept around I was with other people in the times when he had another girlfriend. He cheated on his most recent girlfriend with me lets just say we were very rocky.. and its been nothing but drama for us. but just recently like 1 month we have gotten back together. and are officially together. and things were amazing until i messed up. He is overseas for a year. everyone at home tells me im dumb for waiting and everything well I had a one night stand. I know it will NEVER happen again and I know how he is and he will not forgive me. I regret it so much and have been crying for days. Should I tell him?

* 1 hour ago
* - 3 days left to answer.

Additional Details

1 hour ago
Or should i just let it go and see how things are when he gets home...? the thing is i worry a lot and i'm afraid its gonna come out later. he has lied to my face why can't I lie?

1 hour ago
by the way he didn't tell me about his cheating. he was just dumb about it.


Okay. No body is perfect but its a good thing you want to prove to him that your going to be loyal and that's good. Just keep it up. But were all human and do stupid things. I would talk to him about it and tell him you want to be loyal and want him to trust you if he's willing to do the same. If he says anything like but or hesitates then its not going to work out. OR end it so both of you stop getting hurt from cheating on each other. lol. i mean come on but whatever. I cheated on mine so many times. But stopped. I messed up. He never once cheated on me, I guess thats different from your situation. okay you mention that he lied to you why can't you. I mean you could but what good is that going to do with the relationship. i don't know. Maybe you guys are not right with each other. I don't know cause I don't know the whole situation to tell you.
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worrywart01
replied January 30th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
personally..if i'm *In love* with someone..i could never sleep with another man behind his back....how is that love? you had plenty of time to think about it while you were both stripping off your clothes and say "no this is wrong" and stop..and you didn't...yes mistakes are made but that, in my own personal opinion, isn't something i want lingering in my relationship..if he cheats i'm gone..bc what if we do end up getting married? i dont want to live the rest of my life paranoid about where he is or if he's with another woman again..he did it before, why wouldn't he do it again?
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JavaMissus
replied January 30th, 2009
Community Volunteer
worrywart01 wrote:
personally..if i'm *In love* with someone..i could never sleep with another man behind his back....how is that love? you had plenty of time to think about it while you were both stripping off your clothes and say "no this is wrong" and stop..and you didn't...yes mistakes are made but that, in my own personal opinion, isn't something i want lingering in my relationship..if he cheats i'm gone..bc what if we do end up getting married? i dont want to live the rest of my life paranoid about where he is or if he's with another woman again..he did it before, why wouldn't he do it again?


I think everything that you say in your post is true...However, sometimes the body is weak and something wrong doesn't seem to matter....The flesh wins out.....It is later that you must make up your mind to either destroy a relationship by telling your beloved of your pain, or live with this big wrong that you have done the rest of your life...This will haunt you....The word for it is "Regret"......

We as women are not taught to handle temptations..We think that we cannot be touched....Unfortunately, sometimes some of the strongest fall...So she must take this lesson and learn from it....That is unless she wants to break her lover's heart and destroy who and what the two of them were and possibly would be......It is a heavy load to carry....

Take care,
Caroline
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LULZ
replied February 1st, 2009
Experienced User
Another problem is...
If the cheater chooses not to come clean and nothing ever comes of it or there are no consequences for the selfish actions... it just gives them license to go out and cheat again. Each time it "just happens" and the weak flesh wins it just gets easier the next time it happens.
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JavaMissus
replied February 1st, 2009
Community Volunteer
When you are young and just discovering life somemtimes cheating or an affair just happens...If it was before marriage or engagemment, this to me could be seen as forgiveable...It is not right, but it happened....I believe many things happen when you are young, but think you are grown up....Perfect example would be Monica Lewinsky.....

But, I would not tell the other person for fear of losing him...

Caroline
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