First thing: you are not alone and there is help.

It is a really positive thing that you recognize that there is something wrong and that you obviously want help, otherwise you wouldn't have written this.

If the people you have talked to haven't helped, then you haven't talked to the right people. I don't know how old you are, but if you are still in school, there are counselors available. Regardless of whether you are in school or not, there are suicide prevention organizations that can help. They can talk to you and put you in touch with people who can help.

Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or go to www.save.org

If you get help, you can get through this. I know things seem hopeless now, but they will not always be that way. You can have a life where these thoughts don't happen and you can feel real happiness again.

Just don't give up.

Please.

OMG! Me, too! Okay, I can't see a knife without thinking about killing myself. I can't see a rope without thinking about hanging myself. I can't see a car without thinking about running out in front of it. I can't see batteries without thinking about swallowing them. I can't see a bridge without thinking about jumping off. I can't see food without thinking about purging. ..
I am so messed up, but I am in counseling.
Good luck...I suggest seeing a counselor.

This happens to a lot of people. Your brain has sort of become addicted to these sort of thoughts which is why you may find that they're happening more often than not.

Take me for instance: I used to always picture people naked... didn't matter who it was, I always saw a naked person in front of me. This stopped when I was around 19 and had really good sex for the first time.

I also thought many times of killing myself (how I will do it, where, etc) and then I got to thinking about the aftermath of my suicide, like WHO is going to clean up my splattered bits of brain or clean up my poo and pee (well, they say you lose control of your bowels when you kill yourself). Think about being buried forever and think that life will eventually go on without you and you will miss out on a ton of cool stuff.

So if you think about killing yourself, let your mind go, start thinking about the aftermath and all the rest. It will turn your brain right off whole idea soon enough.

The thing is, you're brain is hooked, so get it unhooked and allow it to create new synapses and forget those old ones. Bad thoughts are like bad habits, you just have to break them.

If you have pervasive thoughts of death or of suicide or killing someone, do not delay. Get help now by going to an emergency room, calling 911, or seeing a mental health professional. Do it now. Do not delay. Tomorrow may be too late. There is help for you.