Addiction, Recovery Forum - Constant empty feeling

Mental Health > Addiction, Recovery Forum > Constant empty feeling

TOPICS DOCTOR QUESTIONS

What is addiction?

What's the difference between substance abuse and addiction? Learn the basics and the science of addiction here....

Q: Constant empty feeling

asked by: moretothegirl on January 21st, 2009

New User

this is the first time that i have ever came to look for help about this...
I have always had times where i would get very low and sad, but I can usually snap out of it fairly quickley.
the problem now is that this time it has been nearly 2 weeks of constantly feeling empty...low and sad.....
what is weird is that I dont have any proper hard core reasons.... i hope nobody here thinks my reasons are stupid okay but these are the only things that have been bothering me
i have been worrying about my future in college as i am coming to the end of a course that isnt going to really get me any job, so i need another plan....
my dad is an alcoholic and although he only drinks at the weekends he turns into a monster then and my mum pretends like everything is perfect during the week and doesnt acknowledge it.... this drives me mad and i fight with him.... he is a very arrogant man and i sometimes think that he genuinley thinks im the one in the wrong
I have spent months planning a huge holiday for me my mum and my brother and now its over, were back a week now and i think its killing me because although i know that i will end up going away again soon, my mum and brother wont go again unless i get them too and i have already committed myself to go away with my boyfriend and cant afford 2 holidays.... i really feel like i am letting my poor little brother down as i feel terrible leaving him behind (we are very close, almost best friends despite the age gap). I also feel so bad for my mum....she has had a very very tough life and i am very close to her and it kills me to know that she is settling and wont ever leave my dad.....

now these things have always bothered me... ive always got sad about my dad but i would stil get over it after a while... but this is different... its different this time....

i feel so stupid admitting this... but i am 21 years old and recently started to read the Twilight books (there is 4 of them) and I immediatly loved them... but its more than that... its like i have become obsessed with them... i know they arent real yet i have real feelings for them... like i am depressed all day and constantly thinking of them... the only time i dont feel depressed is when im not reading them.... im on the third one now and i know i will have them finished in a week or so and i worry at how depressed ill be when they are over..... i know this isnt normal, i know they arent real and its all fiction... but i still cant shake the feeling of depression i get...
it gets worse though.... i have become obsessed with the actor who plays the lead guy in the twilight movie.... its so pathetic as i know it cant actually be love as ive never met him and really know nothing about him only what i read online... hes never met me, hes a famous actor! yet i still cant shake this anxious feeling i get when i think about how much i need him.... please try to understand that i know he is just an actor, i know he is just playing a role in the movie... i am not some 15 year old girl who is confused between reality and fiction.... yet it doesnt matter how much i tell myself all this... the feelings dont shift......i am constantly trying to tell myself that i have a great life and i should be happy.... but it just isnt working this time....

i am always feeling empty and lonely, even though i have a great boyfriend who i have confined in and he is so understanding and great and usually this would cheer me up.... but not this time.
in theory this is absolutely ridiculous.... but i just cant get rid of it.... and i feel so bad for my boyfriend as i am constantly comparing him to this actor and the role he plays which is completely unfair... i do love my boyfriend but right now it doesnt seem like enough.

can anyone help me? i have never been to see anyone about this as I just dont think i could even talk to someone on the phone ... this took a lot of guts for me to even come to this site.... i know nothing about depression so do you think i have it, or do you think its just a phase or something? like i said i know nothing about the disease but i feel i should tell you that my dad suffers from depression and has medication for it... maybe this is not a big deal i dont know if this could be a factor or not?

thank you for taking the time to read this, i do hope you can help Smile

Replies(5)

moretothegirl

replied on January 22nd, 2009

New User

i really hope you can help

i hope someone can help me.... just woke up and today i feel worse than ever

danielv

replied on January 22nd, 2009

Advanced Support Team

first of all, welcome to the community. thank you for taking the time to express your thoughts and concerns!

i will be very direct and blunt with you, because there is no other way to say what i am about to say.

i can really relate to your situation and am speaking from several similar experiences that were resolved successfully.

it sounds like you know what is bothering you, but feel the lack of energy to change it. also, it's very kind what you are planning for your family to get away from things, but it wont have a lasting effect unless you take some drastic action to confront the underlying problem.

our emotional state often depends on that of our family. however - when dealing with alcoholics and addicts there is an extra twist. typically, the alcoholic will drive the emotional train wreck in the family, and the family's reaction fuels the alcoholics excuse for their addiction (they all hate me, they dont understand me, etc).

the situation with your father is quite common in the united states. i have heard stats that almost one out of three people suffers from some sort of addiction.

the fact that this drains all of your energy is not surprising. addiction is a black hole for love and energy. you can put in as much caring as you want, and it will simply be consumed by the alcoholism as an excuse for more drinking until the person finds the courage to stop or suffers the consequence of their drinking (jail, death, institutions) .

the only thing that a family can do is to either decide to allow the disease to rule their life or to make the decision to put the foot down. it is not an easy decision, but there is no other decision that will send a strong enough message to the alcoholic in question.

have you ever read any literature ofor families of alcoholics? (alanon has some excellent books).

alcoholism is a family disease. by that i do not mean only that it is genetic, but that the emotional condition of the family is impacted in many ways that are not always just the alcoholics fault.

your obsession with this twilight guy is your way of escaping from your reality instead of confronting a painful subject. (just as an alcoholic escapes their demons by drinking)

you will see an interesting pattern in your family (as in most families struggling with addiction).

1. your mother escapes by pretending everything is perfect,
2. your father escapes by drinking,
3. you escape into fantasy and are set on planning another family escape (vacation).

we cannot run away from our problems. we can, but one day they catch up to us, and usually much worse.

you must all confront your problem as a family and urge your father and mother to both seek help asap. no amount of holidays or fantasies will ever cure the feeling that something is wrong here and now because THERE IS something wrong.

there is also help, and many families have gotten their lives back.

does any of this ring true?
has he ever tried to stop?
have you ever talked to any therapists about this?

thank you for taking the time to read this.

none of this is in no way meant to cause you to feel shame or guilt... on the contrary, what i write here is intended to empower you with a different point of view about your situation, at the risk of being totally wrong.

sincerely
daniel

danielv

replied on January 22nd, 2009

Advanced Support Team

btw, i don't think that you are clinically depressed. it's normal to get stuck in a funk at times. nobody complains about being happy right? but everyone feels weird when they're down. if you think about it, if we never felt sadness, we would not know what joy feels like. life is full of these up and down cycles.

i think that things will get better for you. no matter what happens, don't beat yourself up about any of this and express your feelings as often as possible! (don't hold it in, that's a recipe to reeallly get depressed).

again, my best wishes!

moretothegirl

replied on January 22nd, 2009

New User

thanks

thanks daniel for your help, what you said does make sense.
i have confronted my mum about this on many occasions, its like an old pattern as my older sisters went through the same thing, but i know deep down she feels like she doesnt have the strength to leave him.
she has tried talking to him (practically every weekend) but i know that he knows he can continue to get away with it so why should he stop? he is a very stubborn man and thinks that he is right and the rest of us are all wrong.

my mum is a housewife and has never worked... i am in college and my brother is only in school... i know she is afraid that if she leaves him we will have no money and she doesnt want to put us through that. we are not a wealthy family, but we are used to quite a comfortable life with material objects, but i know she fears that that will have to change if she leaves him. it doesnt matter how much i tell her that these things dont matter, she still says she just wouldnt be able to provide without him.

JavaMissus

replied on January 24th, 2009

Moderator

I felt like I was just reading the story of my life...You see I had a Father just like yours...He could be the nicest guy until he drank..Well sometimes nice but mostly Jekyll and Hyde...My Mother tried to divorce him once, but took him back...Truthfully, I can't remember my life as a child without drinking and fighting...I was a lot like you...As soon as I was 18 my Mom got me a car (her parents has passed on) and I became her shoulder to cry on...It never stopped...Even after I married I feared what went on in that house. He died at age 59 drinking boiler makers and had a heart attack...His death gave her another 20 years of peace...

Your story and my story goes on in so many homes that it is a joke...Now being older I see what he did as his own escape mechanism...He was running from his own demon...Your Father is arrogant like my Father was...A great looking arrogant know it all fool that would prey on his family when he got drunk....What I ended up learning from that family was not to drink...My husband came from the same type of upbringing...He too escaped...

Like Daniel said you are escaping...I did that too...Then I found my husband and he helped me turn the key to get out of that house where I lived...You must learn to live your own life as I learned to live mine...Sure I would be scared if the telephone rang that there could be trouble but honey, you can't change what you can't change...Your little brother has your Mom....Stay close with him too, but lead your life and try and find some peace...Your Mother could get out of this situation if she wanted to...My Mother could have too...But they each would not live in the comfort that they do now...They were each scared of this big change in their life...

Don't fall in love with dreams....Say with reality...If the books are doing this to you, don't read them...Go on that holiday with your boyfriend...He is your today....What you see in your home is not your future...You are your future and fight for yourself...Don't sink into that sink hole of escape...Do what you can to help but more than anything, help yourself...

I wish I knew the right things to say to you but I don't....Yet, I can say to you that your today was my yesterday.....and I remember it well...

Love,
Caroline

Learn About Us

Get Help

Join In

Do More

We comply with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health
information:
verify here.

The site is not a replacement for professional medical opinion, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical doctor or other qualified health professional before starting any new treatment or making any changes to existing treatment. Do not delay seeking or disregard medical advice based on information written by any author on this site. No health questions and information on eHealth Forum is regulated or evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and therefore the information should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease without the supervision of a medical doctor. Posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author, and not the administrators, moderators, or editorial staff and hence eHealth Forum and its principals will accept no liabilities or responsibilities for the statements made. Schizophrenia health sitemap.
This page was last updated on January 1, 2009.
© 2008 eForums, Inc