confused, frustrated, depressed....Everything is complicated

I have no idea what is going on in my life. Everything is so complicated and more i try to solve it, its become more worst then anything...I feel frastrated all the time...There are so many small or big problems in my life but i dont have the energy to face it. I feel tired , my friends call me but i dont feel like answering, my mom try to talk to me but i feel least interested. my relationship is in a very bad state.My boyfriend shout at me any time. I dont understand what should i do.Why i dont find anything fun in my life. My relationship suck for last so many years.I tried everything to make everything stable but more i try more i feel bad.

Recently i talked to one of my friend ,she is practicing budhisum . She suggested me to chant every day..and she told me to focus on my problems rather pointing on others like why i feel bad? what is the reason behind that? m'i feeling alone? etc.... I tried that thing on my relationship ...i tried to find reasons and my mistakes i do normally unknowingly in my relationship..and i found 4 to 5 things which were very wrong in my behaviour like i found that i dont trust him and because of that i dont give him space....i found one more very wierd thing that if he is happy with his friends , normally i should be happy to see him having fun but its very wierd that i feel bad when he is enjoying with his friends...

so , after knowing all these things i tried to solve it but i m so dull and i feel so tired of making things right in my life...now when i try to make things right from my side my boyfriend dont even support me , he started taking advantage of my situtation and then i feel like its all one sided and i feel so frustrated....

Things are not okey ...i do want to change or improve....but whatever i try is always is a waste....now i m getting pissed off by everything...i feel like to leave everything and run away.......beside this my parents wants me to work , make my career...they donot understand my situation...how can i go to other states and live there for 1 or 2 months alone in this situation....when i be at home atleast when i feel frustrated i can sit in my room and cry or i can go to my friend place if i want to but going somewhere else alone where you have to control your emotion every time is a very big thing for me.....when i m alrready dealing with so many things in my life...

and ya i was in depression for so long , i went to doctors for so many times but still i m like this only...even now some times when things become so complicated i have panic attacks....


plz suggest me what should i do, i really desperatly wants a happy and a health life....plz help