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confused and need a ladies advise!

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January 7th, 2010
hi i am a 21 year old male that is dating a 25 year old girl, we have been together for four and a half months. we met at a friends get together casually with no intentions of finding a relationship or to get lucky and hit it off, after a couple months she said that she loves me, i was excited because i feal the same way. i treat her with the utmost respect and try to do everything possible to make her happy, i have old fashion beliefs that a guy pays for dinner or the night out, and enjoy doing it aswell. i am not just trying to wow her and have one of those short term relationships, i want to be that person she can count on and have that relationship she is looking for. i am alwaysshowing her efection by giving hugs, kisses and massages and bringing her flowers and always wanting to cuddle, am i being needy? lets fase it thoe everyone has there glitches i am not the perfect guy and nor do i think that, i am just wurried that the thought of me is somthing she could love and later on she might find out it was just lust for her, she is doing school work at home online for the next three years full time and i work in a camp situation so it works out well for her to get her school work done and not have me buggin her. i dunno if i am over analizing things because of a past relationship where they said i was to nice. am i being insacure by wanting to know exactly how she feals ? should i back off a bit? i am wurried that i might get walked on if i put myself out there by being the man i want to be, how do i go about talking to her without being a total p**sy?....... excuse my language! shes an amazing girl, and i think if im insacure ill do things to screw it up.
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bastionv
replied January 7th, 2010
Experienced User
If she is telling you that she loves you then you should know already how she feels. If I were you, I would not push or over do anything. Coming from experience and what I see, women have a tendency to pull away when the guy becomes too nice, too clingy, buying stuff all the time and too affectionate. In the beginning its great but once you have been together for a little while, it wears off and gets on our nerves.. Keep that woman guessing alittle. She will continue to fall in love over and over again. Dont call her too much, make her chase after you alittle. The moment you back off, they will come running...Im not saying that this is how every women is but try it and see. Find a medium and not too much of anything. Don't stop being the great guy you seem to be..just not too much. Everyone likes alittle space. Good luck to ya!
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W0LF
replied January 7th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
I'm not old fashioned. I was raised to believe that nobody owes me anything. Little gifts are nice, I give them too, but constant rump-smooching gets to be real old really fast. It's not respectful to me as a capable human being to be patronized, to have my $10 lunch paid for. It's demeaning. I realize that nice guys mean well but even the ones that aren't desperate for attention come off that way because they have a tendency to push a girl's buttons. I'm sure you want to be the way you are and you've been told that if a woman doesn't accept you for you then she isn't worth it. But that's a load. Everyone dresses up and puts on their charming smile when they date. If you have to be nice then you're going to have to accept that you're dating uphill.
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CarolineEF
replied January 7th, 2010
Community Volunteer
Take it easy....Don't make any long term plans in your mind...Get to know this person and see where it goes...Good luck....

Caroline
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network
replied January 7th, 2010
thanks for the advise, it mean s allot Smile
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wickedwanda
replied January 8th, 2010
Experienced User
Be friends, get to know her and watch what she likes by observation. Don't plan to much to quick, movies, dates, that kind of stuff. I know feelings are over powering. But the greatest lovers come from understanding them and patience. good luck
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FadedRose
replied January 8th, 2010
Community Volunteer
Hi network,

Being you are in a relationship with a 25 year old woman, you can talk frank and openly to her about how you feel. She is a grown woman and should be able to handle an indept, honest conversation about your relationship. Put all on the table, so you will know how she feels and where you stand.

Good Luck,

Faded Rose
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