Medical Questions > Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

Confused about the relationship and where its going.

Dear ehealth,

My girlfriend and i have recently broke up. We went out for 7 months but we have broken up and gotten back about 4 times already. In the beginning of the semester when i met her i was a non smoker and did not believe in doing drugs. Eventually the 2nd semester of school she started to smoke because of the fights we had. That eventually got me into smoking and i also tried extasy with her and my friends. I told her we were going to do it once and then never do it again and after that night she told me she wanted to do it again but i said no. Now the summer is here. My girl friend is in China for 2 months and wont be back till july 20th. I bought a phone card 2 weeks after she got to china to call her but she was sleeping and she told me to go away and that i woke her up and gave me a hissy fit. It annoyed me alot because i went out of my way to just call her because of the 12 hour time difference i would stay up till 5 or 6am just so i can call her and tell her how much i love her and around 11pm i would call her to tell her goodmorning, i call her in the afternoon to see how her day is going and one time at night to tell her sweetdreams and sleep tight but everytime i call her she always sounds annoyed at me for calling her and she never says "i love you back". This kept on happening all the way to now. I just want her to appreciate me calling her, i memorized all the digits to type into the phone just to call her and i always end up getting sad that she never wants to talk to me.

Another situation is I never lie, cheat and im always loyal to my girlfriend. So i told her that i wanted to do Extasy again and she told me how she doesnt want a bf that does drugs and she told me to find another gf that can make me happy. I have only done it once and i think doing it again wasnt a big deal because she has done it too. So she broke up with me telling me how i have changed so much from the beginning of the relationship. In my opinion a good relationship is being able to adjust to each other. I have adjusted to her smoking habbits. After every fight she tells me she doesnt love me as much. Who says that to the one they love if thats the case? To me i feel that this relationship is very unfair for me and i cant keep on letting her do what she wants and having her controlling me everytime i want to do something she doesnt want me to. I told her if i wanted to stop smoking i will stop smoking, no one in the world can make me stop only myself. Im just kinda bummed out that she broke up with me knowing that i did alot for her and she couldnt even give me alittle in return. Also for some reasons i have her facebook account and password saved onto my computer and i checked her inbox and she was talking to this other guy which i believe is a stranger and he told her that they can meet up somewhere in china and chill. To me that is very shady and i would never do that to her and talk to another random girl. But i love her and i miss her. Even though we broke up i feel that i can still try and make it work. I havent seen her in almost a month and she still cant be happy when i call her. T-T
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replied June 7th, 2008
Experienced User
As hard as it is, walk away. Find someone who will appreciate you, and NEVER again do things against your beliefs for someone else. Be true to yourself. You are going to find someone who really cares about YOU and not just themselves. Those are the kind of people I call "ME" people! Time heals all wounds - what is meant to be will be. Be strong and more importantly, be yourself!
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replied June 18th, 2008
Experienced User
This girl really isnt treating you with the respect you deserve. She sounds really ungrateful to me and is making you do something which is against your beliefs.
You should never have to change who you are for someone else.
Never let anyone make you do anything you feel uncomfortable with, and anyone who does is not worth your trouble.
You have said it yourself - you can't go on letting her control you.
My advice is to try and find yourself someone who will love and respect you for who you ARE and not pressurise you to be someone you are not.
Walk away.
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