Hey guys.
Me and my GF have been going out for a year. For the last 9 months we have been arguing pretty non stop. Things got off to a rocky start because I initially thought I'd only stay with her for sex, but then developed feelings for her. I think these feelings were in fact a "mirage" sort to a residual from the sexual relationship we were having.
I had just gotten out of a 7 year relationship with another girl, and had told this new GF lots about my EX, and the new GF developed insecurities about my former relationship and began constantly comparing herself to my old GF.
She is really different from my ex though, who I felt more compatible with. I hated all my new GF's friends from the start and she NEVEr really felt the need to involve herself in my social life, which became a huge thing for me. Her friends all smoke, which I don't, which is difficult for a non smoker as you might imagine,, and they all do/used to do drugs, and do all kinds of stupid things together while on drugs. I've nver been exposed to drugs myself and hate her past, and the circle of people she surrounds herself with.
On top of this, I feel depressed. I don't like these things about her, but I love her as a person. I feel myself verbally abusing her about the things I dislike about her. Initially it took the form of social coaching, trying to steer her away from the crappy people she hangs around with (the type who will steal your iPod while you aren't looking, then call you their friend). Now I just berate her about it because she doesn't listen to me. Every time her friends do something crazy and she gets emotional about it, I end up infuriated, screaming at her that I told her so, that her friends are all losers but she won't drop them...
She's trying but it isn't happening.
I just feel like I'm being dragged into a world of crappy people that I have no desire to meet or know. I don't like drinking lots, and she always wants to. So we are always at odds as to what to do on friday/saturday nights. Me? Movie and dinner, her? get drunk and go out.
And we are always at eachothers throats about things that are really stupid and minor. but we are so torqued up over the underlying, BIG things, that the little things just seem to set us off on eachother.
I know you are going to say get out, but I need to hear someone articulate it from a mental health perspective. What is my hold up? Why do I sit here unable to imagine myself not sleeping in my bed without her, or cringe at the though of her with another man when I KNOW I don't want this relationship?
She seems to love me so much, and I think she identifies me as an opportunity to get out of her social situations with those crappy people, so she is fighting hard not to let me go. I think she sees me dumping her as me judging her. I'm not, I just know what I want in my life and I don't like her social situations. I believe in working hard and being clean and honest about making a living. Not drinking every weekend and doing drugs. And I want to be around like minded people. I just don't want her to feel judged....
Anyway, this is kind of an outpouring. Hope you guys can decipher what I've written here...
hanks.
