I'm not sure exactly where to start, and I hope I am posting in the right forum. I have a wonderful friend/coworker that I have know for over 5 years. I am married, he is married, and we have had a great working relationship that has developed into a friendship. The trouble is that I believe this man suffers from bipolar disorder- definitely meets the criteria. He is a very private individual, and I do not know if he is receiving any kind of treatment for his mood disorder. What does this have to do with me? It appears to be like many of the other posts I have read in this forum- we will go through periods of closeness, and then he will abruptly shut me right out of his life, at times, for months on end. Eventually, he reconnects, and acts like nothing has ever happened. In between, he interacts with me on a "professional level", but does not acknowledge me outside of that role- not even a "good morning" in the hallway. When we are "close", we will occasionally meet after work and he will open up about what is going on in his life- he is having some licensing issues (he is a physician), work relationship issues, financial issues, etc. Our respective personal relationships are an "off limits" topic, but we are both quite comfortable talking about many aspects of our lives. I have a great deal of difficulty dealing with his behavior, and find it very hard not to take the months of ignoring personally. If anyone has any perspectives (especially if you are bipolar!) on this type of behavior, I would love to hear them. I care about him very much, and want to be a good friend. When he goes into these states of silence, I still try and maintain contact- email, leave a phone message, etc- mainly just to let him know I am thinking of him and am always here for him. I try very hard to avoid pressuring him in any way- I want him to feel safe, and like he can be open with me. Again, very hard not to take his silence as personal rejection. Any thoughts?

For those of you who are still reading, this is where it becomes more complicated. This man is also of muslim background- moved to North America 15 years ago, and has become very "westernized". He is a very eccentric individual, and certainly does not fit with "stereotypical" muslim cultural norms. This being said, he has internalized many of the muslim beliefs and principles, and I truly believe that he is a sincere, kind-hearted and honest man. All of this being said, partially in keeping with his bipolar behavior, he can behave in a very childish fashion at work- best comparison: 13 year old boy! He can be very flirty and playful, funny and light hearted. He can also become very sullen, irritable, reclusive, and sometimes mean. Despite all of this, I have always held him in very high regard, and have communicated that to him. As our friendship has developed over the years, there have been times where I have questioned the nature of his feelings- at times he can be a little too "touchy", relies on my help more than he needs too, etc. There have been occasions where he has hugged me when we leave- I generally have written this off to his personality/culture. Over the past year and a half, our friendship has gone through some real extremes- just like his moods. At times, his negative behavior seems very much directed at me. Then other times he becomes quite close with me. He has given me gifts at Christmas. I am very confused- both about he feels, and how I feel. There have been 2 occasions over the past year where he has shown more intimate behavior- lingering hugs followed by lingering kiss on the cheek, or kiss on the neck. Then he will behave as if nothing has happened- I just choose to "ignore" this, and carry on in our friendship- and then he shuts me out. I just don't get it. Maybe I am naieve about the whole thing- but sometimes it's easier to see things for what they are with someone else's perspective. The other thing with him is that he is in an arranged marriage, and his moods/behavior have worsened since he got married 6 years ago. There is speculation at work that he may be homosexual/bisexual, as he can be very "flamboyant". I honestly don't believe that, but who knows.

If anyone has any thoughts they would like to share, or any advice they can give on any aspect of this relationship, I would GREATLY appreciate it!