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Complete change of personality- can somebody relate to this

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From last week to now my boyfriend changed beyond belief. We were having such a good month, talking to each other many times a day on the phone, seeing each other and making plans, two weeks ago he didnt like something I said on the phone (thought i was jealous) and finished with me there and then. He is now a totally different person , does not phone anymore, does not want to discuss, does not text, does not email me,and even deleted my email adress. Im totally hurt, though I knw that this is how BP functions. He keeps saying he does not love me.He also went to see a woman he had a fling with and said to me that she was for him like a complete stranger.He MUST be cycling and there is nothing I can do as he wants to be on his own. Today i phoned him and told how I felt, he didnt even bothered to phone back, it is like he never knew me.
How can he just do this to me, for one year I helped him in everything , even lend him money he never payed back, we were toghether and had so much fun, he just is breaking my heart and when he wakes up from this Ill be far away, since I decided to go away from the country to put distance between us to see if he open his eyes, but all he said when he knew I was going away was 'Go with God.'

This is from a man who has been with me for a year and a half, sharing everything,.
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replied April 20th, 2011
My girlfriend has been changing personality completely too. First time i considered her personality had changed was two weeks ago. Then last week we got back together and she seemed normal her again. She had this huge "realization" that what she was doing was not her basically. Now again its happening except way worse. She broke complete contact with me basically. Called me up crying to do it. Said she needs to be single for the summer. Said she can't be in a relationship. Said its nothing I did its her. Said goodbye then hung up. I started texting her furiously asking what is going on? She said all these things that didn't make sense to me because of the prior week we had of normal-ness. Said for me not to wait for her. Said it wouldn't be fair for me to wait. Yold me I need to let her go. Said I have to move on. Said she wasn't giving up on us just moving on. I was in complete shock. Couldn't get a hold of her. When I'd text her she would tell me I have to move on. She has been smoking pot again even though a thing in her big realization the week before was that she needed to be done with it. She doesn't answer her phone. Shuts it off if I text her. She'll respond sometimes but she just tells me we have to move on that we are for sure done now. Said she needs to be single. It is so heartbreaking, but it gets worse. She starts hanging out with her stoner cousin who only a week ago she said she was done hanging out with her cus she didn't want to be like her. She is trying to move in with her cosin now too. She is a senior in highschool and I'm a freshmen in college. She is going to take some other guy to her prom. Her stoner cousin taunted me with it on facebook. Said that her and this other guy aren't into each other and that she is just taking him to go. I am so devestated by all of this. I feel like I'm in a nightmare that I can't wake up from. I don't know if she'll come back. I don't know if we are seriously done and this random dude she met only weeks ago is going to be her new boyfriend. Everything is so crazy. She said last time when she realized all this stuff that she felt "f-ed up" for getting so sucked into this lifestyle like her cousin. She said she didn't like it and don't know how it happened. So I'm guessing she is sucked in again. Will not admit that and its way worse than last time. My life has become a nightmare.
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replied April 20th, 2011
My girlfriend has been changing personality completely too. First time i considered her personality had changed was two weeks ago. Then last week we got back together and she seemed normal her again. She had this huge "realization" that what she was doing was not her basically. Now again its happening except way worse. She broke complete contact with me basically. Called me up crying to do it. Said she needs to be single for the summer. Said she can't be in a relationship. Said its nothing I did its her. Said goodbye then hung up. I started texting her furiously asking what is going on? She said all these things that didn't make sense to me because of the prior week we had of normal-ness. Said for me not to wait for her. Said it wouldn't be fair for me to wait. Yold me I need to let her go. Said I have to move on. Said she wasn't giving up on us just moving on. I was in complete shock. Couldn't get a hold of her. When I'd text her she would tell me I have to move on. She has been smoking pot again even though a thing in her big realization the week before was that she needed to be done with it. She doesn't answer her phone. Shuts it off if I text her. She'll respond sometimes but she just tells me we have to move on that we are for sure done now. Said she needs to be single. It is so heartbreaking, but it gets worse. She starts hanging out with her stoner cousin who only a week ago she said she was done hanging out with her cus she didn't want to be like her. She is trying to move in with her cosin now too. She is a senior in highschool and I'm a freshmen in college. She is going to take some other guy to her prom. Her stoner cousin taunted me with it on facebook. Said that her and this other guy aren't into each other and that she is just taking him to go. I am so devestated by all of this. I feel like I'm in a nightmare that I can't wake up from. I don't know if she'll come back. I don't know if we are seriously done and this random dude she met only weeks ago is going to be her new boyfriend. Everything is so crazy. She said last time when she realized all this stuff that she felt "f-ed up" for getting so sucked into this lifestyle like her cousin. She said she didn't like it and don't know how it happened. So I'm guessing she is sucked in again. Will not admit that and its way worse than last time. My life has become a nightmare.
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replied April 20th, 2011
Experienced User
He is back calling me to go out and even travel with him, I dont understand anything else, as it is a terrible emotional rollercoaster and one day he loves me and sends me lovely texts and emails and phone calls, next he doesnt and im only his friend, next he is back calling me to go out, and it is absolute hell.
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replied April 21st, 2011
I think the only way to be free from a bipolar boyfriend and all of bad times (I think there are more bad times than good) is to find a way to fall out of love with them. It is not an easy thing to do as I think about him constantly. My boyfriend has never broken up with me but feels it is perfectly okay to disappear for a week or two and that I'll be right there waiting for him when he comes back. Unfortunately, that is what I've been doing because I can't imagine life without him as bad as it is sometimes. I wish I could understand what goes through his mind.
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replied April 21st, 2011
wow, it seems like this is really something for bi-polar people, reading all the (kinda) same situations. I am in the same situation as you know Reggiane but I am still waiting for her to call me or come in contact with me. She broke up with me 1 week ago, since then I didn't hear anything from her. It is so damn terrible. The problem is, we don't know what they are thinking. We don't know what they want. I don't know what to do anymore, I am hopeless. I guess you all feel the same here and just praying for the good moments to come back. What can we do? Well I noticed that writing on this forum and reading posts really helped me understand bi-polar people more, not really the people but the illness and what it does to them.

I wish all of you the best! I am still fighting for my relationship and you should also be strong! believe in yourself and believe in the love you have/had. Be strong!

If there is someone that wanna talk with me, just to clear your head or have questions or anything. If I can help somehow, please let me know, send me a message!

Best of luck!
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replied May 7th, 2011
Experienced User
I now decided to put an ocean between me and him since there is no end to the nightmare, so im going abroad for a while.My bf and I went travelling and everything was so good, I love his company when he is ok. Two days later it was his birthday and we went to a restaurant together, no problems so far, but when we said goodbye he said he was breaking with me and for me to have a good life!!!!!!
I went home absolutely devastated and tried to forget him , but at the end of the week he was phoning me 5 times in the evening asking me out again, I love him and I always accept, so we started going out again, however he is saying he is not my boyfriend, so I finish whatever relationship we still have. Now Im hurting like hell, but sticking to it. He stopped phoning and texting me and I miss him with all my heart, this is the most heartbreaking thing I have ever suffered, and I have been married and divorced before, the pain is not even comparable to the pain of losing John. But I said to him that I cannot do this anylonger, this situation has to have an end somehow. I want him back but as a boyfriend,not something in between, when suits him, no, I want a proper bf all the time.
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replied June 13th, 2011
Experienced User
update
We are emailing each other daily. He says he likes me a lot, he says he wants to see me again. I hang to threads and I would hand on anyhthing, without him it is even worse. We agreed about talking when I get back. He goes from offers of undying friendship (not possib le) to umbiguous messages of hope for us. He tells me how wonderful Im. He cannot commit to me. He wants to go out with me again and Im sure he will start the phone call campaign immediatelly im back, at all times. He sent an email to my daugher 'for her to know he likes me'. I miss him so.
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replied June 14th, 2011
Reggiane out of curiosity are you seeing a therapist or anyone? I've found that it's helped me out a lot, along with this site! What does your daughter think of the whole situation? If it's too personal you can always message me.
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replied December 12th, 2011
I don't know if anyone will read this because it's an old thread. I stumbled upon it while trying to find answers to the racing questions I have about my now ex-girlfriend. We've been together on and off for 3 years. A lot of off time because of her personality changes. This has been the worst time ever. In October she broke up with me and starting dating someone else immediately. She came back to me and she was so upset with what she had done. She cried and I held her and told her it was okay and that I loved her. She said all these wonderful things about wanting to spend her life with me, something I've wanted her to say to me for so long. Several weeks ago I went to visit her, she lives 7 hours away. She got angry with me over something very small and instantly wanted to break up. I spent the next 2 days at her place sobbing and she was cold as ice to me. She wouldn't touch me, my crying only made her more angry and I had to sleep on the couch. She made me go home and I wasn't sure if we were broken up or not. We had discussed several weeks before that I would give her some money to help her fix her car so she could visit me more often. I had to wait for a school refund to be put in the bank before I could send it to her. I sent her $300, which is a lot to me because I am poor. She didn't thank me and a week or so later when she finally called me she said she thought we were broken up. I was so confused and devastated and she didn't give any explanation and wouldn't let me ask about the money. She said I was holding it over her head. She just didn't want to have anything to do with me. My text messages just made her hate me even more. I sent her an email last week talking about my hurt and confusion and anger. She replied a couple days later saying that I couldn't respect her boundaries and so she blocked my phone number, facebook and email and told me to let go so we could have a "clean break." She always blames me for what happens. She says I get too upset about everything. She is completely unaware of how her behavior effects other people. Nothing I say does any good at all. I've been so devoted to her and loving and she destroys our relationship when she gets like this. I don't know if we will ever speak again and I'm so crushed by how disrespectful she treats me. I shouldn't care if I ever speak to her again. But I believed in us spending our lives together and now I feel so lonely and angry with no apologies, no anything from her. And she took the money and didn't offer to pay it back or anything. What kind of a person does that!? I'm so confused.
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replied December 14th, 2011
Experienced User
Good day V-Banana. I'm probably old enough to be your mother, therefore I am going to give you motherly advice. Sweetheart, your girlfriend is mentally ill. You can not change or fix her. See her as a total package, the good and the bad. You are a sensitive soul that has been taken advantage of. She doesn't have the capacity to think of you and how her actions effect others. She is a selfish piece of work and treated you poorly. Learn from this experience and move on. There are plenty of nice young ladies out there that would treat you lovingly. This girl is manipulative and controlling. Stop all contact with her and mend your broken heart. Heal yourself and then start socializing again. You've learned a lot about yourself and how you want to be treated in a relationship. Even though this one didn't work out, now you know the things to look for in a solid relationship and one that's not. Don't settle. You dodged a lifetime of unhappiness with her.
Take care.
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replied December 14th, 2011
Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it. What is so difficult is that everyone that knows our story is telling me to be prepared for her to come back. And it scares me because I want that. I want her to come back and apologize like she has so many times before. I hate to think that I will never talk to her again. I feel a lot of compassion for people with Bi Polar disorder. I have a mental health diagnosis that has nearly killed me but I've been in therapy for a very long time and I'm medicated. I have worked SO hard and have completely turned my life around. I know it can be done. My ex and I met when I was unhealthy and whenever she has an episode she makes it about me. I'm being unstable and I'm not reliable. It kills me because that's not me anymore. She blocked me away completely and I feel terrible, like I'm a monster that someone should run from. But I'm not. She is medicated and went back to therapy recently because I convinced her to. She wanted to get healthy and be the person I deserve, but then she changed and none of that mattered. I can't have a rational conversation with her when she's like that. I tried to and she cut me off completely. I adore her even though I know she is like two very different people. I wish she would stop pushing me away and see that I'm on her side and I am safe. Now I just look crazy begging her not to leave. She can go into therapy and because I have a diagnosis I can be the problem, not her. I want her to come back. She's too stubborn to be honest with herself to realize that I am not the unhealthy person I was and our relationship is a mess because of her actions and behaviors. I miss her and I don't know why and I feel humiliated to have had her block my phone number.
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replied December 14th, 2011
Experienced User
V-Banana, you can't make someone love you and you surely can't fix their problems. Give this girl her space. Let her work on getting well. This is her personal journey. I don't think the situation is healthy for you either. Go out with friends, spend time with family, exercise, and get into the holiday spirit.
By all means, please understand, this is not personal, it is all about her. I know it feels horrible. I had someone do this to me (I am emotionally healthy/he is bipolar). It took me some time and some therapy, but I am getting on with my life and have learned to let go.
So, don't despair, even someone in their 40s can get caught up in the madness. hahahaha

Take care V-Banana. I wish you a happy holiday! Smile
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replied December 14th, 2011
Thank you, I will try my best. I know she loves me but that doesn't stop her from leaving. I am 31 and I want to settle down. I don't know what the future holds and letting go is the healthiest option for me; even if she does come back. Happy holidays to you as well, my friend. I'm glad I found this place to see that I am not alone.
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replied September 15th, 2012
My girlfriend is bipolar and we recently broke up after a year and a half. Things in the beginning of our relationship were so great because she was so different than any other girl that I have ever been with. We moved very quickly to the point that I was staying with her for two weeks straight at around 2 months and it hit me that things were moving really fast. I wanted to slow down and it became an issue because at this point I was either suppose to move in or she couldn't see me. It seemed crazy and her reasoning was because she didn't want to move backwards. We eventually got through that after a blow up, but the question of moving in with her came up every month or every other month for the next 8 months. During that time her ex bf of 4 1/2 years got engaged. Her younger brother got engaged. She was looking for committment for a life long together and it scared me because she was so headstrong about it and felt like I was being pushed. We would have arguments throughout with ups and downs where I felt so hurt by her responses to me. It wasn't until about a year into our relationship that she asked me for help because she was having a hard time paying rent. Meanwhile she lives in a co-op that her parents own and her monthly rent is paid to her father. I felt like this was a way to get me to move in, but eventually gave in. After about three days of thinking about this I told her I couldn't do it and it didn't feel right for me at this time. I wanted to be able to do this on my own without someone telling me what I should be doing and how I should be feeling at this point in our relationship. Part of me was questioning how bad things got between us, but she opened up my heart because she is so loving and caring. Sometimes too much that I felt smothered. I know part of the problem is with me and feeling like I need to grow up and move on with my life and stop living in the past. I also knew that I was giving up any independence I had. At times I would pull away from the relationship because of how she was making me feel and how I should know if she is the one I want to be with at this point. It didn't feel good to be told this. I don't think anyone wants to be told how they should be feeling or what they should be doing at this point. It confused me and made me withdraw, but we would still end up back together. I was also put in a position for me to speak to her mom about us becuase her parents would ask what is going on between us. Keep in mind from about 4-12 months I was spending about 4-5 days a week with her at her place. We also work for the same company so it can be a lot with one person that I just need some alone time. We had some amazing times together and shared a lot with each other that brought us closer. I also didn't know about her bipolar II until about 6 months into the relationship. She would tell me that her form of bipolar is on the lower end of the spectrum and not the norm...from what her therapist has told her and told me. She does take medication and was actually lowered at some point during our relationship. I guess I always questioned the bipolar aspect because I'm scared if she was to have an episode, but she would exhibit moments of mania where she would go buy stuff and then I would encourage her to return it becuase she is already in debt and they were items that were not needed. It wasn't until a month ago that I went away for her brother's bachelor party that she told me we should break up when I returned and how she was thinking a lot. We broke up because of her feelings about us, but we got back together and I think it had to do with me not spending as many nights at her place as I use to. The following weekend I was put in a position where she wanted me to speak to her mom about us and it was so awkward to have to explain to her mom about our relationship. I told her mom that I loved and cared for her daughter very much. I guess she was kind of speaking generally to me that if I feel like this isn't going to progress or I know that its not then to let her go, otherwise what am waiting for essentially since I was basically living with her at some point most days our of the week, but her mom knows about our back and forth with the relationship. It's not fair to her and I understand that. I was never leading her on or making her feel like I'm playing games. Then recently she went away to a bachelorette party and I sent champagne and chocolates to her room that she loved. The next day when we spoke on the phone and told her I was cleaning up my apartment, she immediately commented on saying so you can move in with me. It took me off guard and I was telling her woah woah its not something I'm doing right at this moment, but it was the timing of her asking me that felt like she is pushing it again. She said she was joking around, but her tone sounded very serious. We are both 30 years old so she is at the point of settling down and I have grown into that mindset more and more. I guess I would doubt things with how she would react over certain things and trying to fully grasp the bipolar issue when I question what to believe from what she would tell me about it. She has offered for me to speak with her doctor about it with full disclosure, but I have not done that yet. She would say how her previous bf's never had a problem with it and her ex of 4 1/2 years just didn't want to believe there was anything wrong with her meanwhile they would get in way worse fights than we did. Now, after she came back from her bachelorette party, we did get to spend some time with each other this past tuesday and I offered to cook dinner and everything was really nice. The next day she tells me how she feels like we are in the same routine again and when I asked her about it in person, she told me that her feelings have changed. Tells me now that we would never work out and we both need to move on. She loves me very much and I love her the same. She just doesn't want to keep going back and forth with the relationship. I never said to her that I wanted to break up with her, but by withdrawing in the past she says it was the same thing and I tell her to look at her own actions as to why I was feeling that way. So now she has this mentality that we would never work and after cooking dinner on tuesday while she was cleaning I imagined proposing to her right there at that moment. I told her all of this and she just feels like we both need to move on. I'm devastated by this and feel like its my fault for the issues that we had. She tells me that she wants to keep our friendship because we both care about each other a lot and its so hard for me because I know that it can't be more. I guess I'm just curious as to other thoughts on this issue and how different degrees of bipolar affect people. I'm at a loss and my heart hurts because I didn't want to lose her and always felt like we would end up together in the end. She thinks otherwise. Sigh. I don't know what to do anymore, but now when I ask if I shouldn't text her anymore she doesn't say yes or no. It kills me to think of her with another guy. I know my post is kind of all over the place, but any help would be appreciated.
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replied September 15th, 2012
Sorry for the long post...there was just a lot to say.
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