I'm with a guy who I absolutely love. I've known him for 5 years we dated once but I had just gotten out of a terrible relationship and I broke his heart and mine. We didn't talk until this year when I responded to a text because I finally felt good enough to talk to friends. It was like our second chance. I feel respected, safe, and I know he cares about me. He knows just what to do when I have a medical problem, how to comfort with me.We see each other and act like were dating but he has trust issues and wont tell me what we are in his eyes bf/gf, just dating. I have no clue what to do. I love him and don't want to leave him but this is emotionally hard on me and wears on me. I cant imagine leaving him so how can I help him trust me? Please be nice when you answer this, im really sensitive about this.
Some may say that trust builds over time, and that's true. But there are ways to make it easier for someone to trust you.
Suspicious partners often act in certain ways that their partner finds uncomfortable and invasive. Wanting to know where she's been, who she's been talking to, who she's been texting. Then she often tries to make him feel guilty for not simply trusting her, like he's supposed to trust her implicitly for no good reason. That sort of thing can be very damaging to the relationship. And often times the reason she's so sensitive about having to justify herself is because she really is cheating on him.
Most people will say that she is the one in the right, and that partners do need to simply trust each other and not worry when they're out with friends or even a single friend of the opposite sex and that they don't need to know where they've been or with whom. Well it's true that trust is important, but respect is also important, and it's more respectful to make it easier for your partner to trust you than to make it harder by expecting or demanding implicit automatic trust.
Anyway, the point of all this is that you can make it easier for someone to trust you by volunteering the sort of information a suspicious partner would ask for. Just straight up tell him who you've been talking to and who you've been with and where you've been etc. Casually offer evidence when convenient. This may feel like a little much, and nobody likes to feel judged or under suspicion and providing these things can perhaps imply to yourself that you're not trusted. But it can go a long way, and maybe it'll sink in after a while and he'll tell you that you don't need to do it anymore.
But whether you think that trust should be automatic or earned, it's safe to say that communication is always important. Make sure you keep talking to each other about your feelings. Make it clear how much you love him.
Thanks I wouldn't cheat on him in a million years but I dont have 2 guys that are important to me that I hang out with. I cant go out right now I dont drive and I help one study. I try and let him know when things like that are happening. I try and tell him I love him and I dont want to talk about my feelings to much. Because I cant push him into being where I am mentally. Thanks for the advice. I guess its just like respect it has to be earned. I just thought after years of knowing me even though I broke his heart he would trust me. Thanks again ill try it!
You said it right there. You broke his heart, so he is afraid you are going to do it again. He doesn't want to invest, if your just gonna turn around and leave him again. Take it slow and steady and don't say anything about the trust or cheating. Once he feels comfortable with you he will come around. Men don't like women repeating past things over an over again. Give him time and space and actions speak louder than words. Good Luck