I am currently at a loss in my relationship, my fiancee who I have lived with for 4 years (we bought a home last year) suddenly after spending time alone with a college friend (female) feels as though he's in love with her even though they haven't spoken in 2 years, but he insists that he knows her very well because he saw her every day in college. Over the past 2 years he's been dealing with severe panic attacks (brought on by heavy drug use- marijuana, I did not partake with him, and just thought it was a phase, which did stop once the panic attacks started) The panic prevents him for driving and going to see movies and all sorts of situations simply because his panics revolve around him thinking there's something wrong with him, and he's going to die. I've been with him through rediculous emotional and financial strain and I've definitly thought "is this worth it, do I really want to deal with this" but when I think about losing him my choice is clear and I stay.

However, the thoughts "is this the only thing I want to experience, and I've never lived alone as a 'adult', what if I should leave, what if that's what I'm supposed to do" have all entered his mind becauase he felt "love"- and yes he told me he's "in love" with his friend. And he is now telling me that he can't tell me he won't leave, and that he'd be lying because no one knows what life will throw at them.

And to top it off he wants to leave and have his own place so he can be alone and get a handle on his panic attacks.


So we solved the first problem, he is telling his friend that they can not pursue a relationship because he is with me and he is completely fulfilled in our relationship (his words not mine)

Secondly I told him I don't think being alone will help his panic attacks and that he needs to speak to a professional and yet again see a doctor and hopefully get reasurance from a clean bill of health.

But sadly the third issue I can not overcome. The idea that he is doubting his commitment to me in the future and verbalizing it scares me. I know everyone get's cold feet and I have too, but I never felt strongly enough to tell him about it and put our relationship through absolute chaos. The idea that he want's to know what it's like to live on his own is a strong one and I am afraid that if I don't let him go now that we will heal from this but in another year, or two, or maybe 15 he'll feel the same way and want to leave. I know that no one knows what will happen and that life is crazy, but this is a feeling that if not explored, becomes a ticking time bomb in my mind.

If anyone has ever dealt with anything like this or has any insight, please, please, let me know, I need a fresh view on the situation and just keep turning over in my mind the same hopeless feelings.